Figuring out how useful a breakup can be when there is separation between a man and a woman is not as easy as it might seem. It depends on many things: how long this relationship has been developing, whether the relationship is a marriage, whether people are related by children together, and much more.

After all, it happens that long-term continuous stress as a result of a whole series of unpleasant events suffered simply knocks people out, even severely loving friend friend from a rut. In this case, most likely, breaking off the relationship for a certain time is a reason to rest and recover from long-term stress. This will not only be useful, but also necessary.

A temporary break in a relationship is a reason to rest

If the relationship is trusting and truly strong, then the spouses understand each other perfectly. They know when one of them needs support or rest. This does not mean at all that the couple does not experience any feelings and is indifferent in marriage. No. This just means that the strength of their relationship is so great that they will not exchange it for something temporary.

It is also impossible to affirm the fact that when, during a break in a relationship, even of a temporary nature, one of the partners throws a tantrum and promises to do something to himself, this testifies to great love. Not at all, rather, this is an indicator of psychological dependence rather than love; here you need not so much a partner as a psychologist.

Because a self-sufficient person, regardless of what gender he is, can love from a distance, knowing that sooner or later everything will either work out or collapse completely, which in any case is not a reason to interrupt his own life.

Let's remember the families of sailors. These are people who are not at home for six months, or even a whole year. Although there is a wife and children. However, for some reason these families live and love fully. They meet with the tenderness of sixteen-year-olds after a long separation.

They cannot make fun of each other, but when the end of the spouse’s stay at home approaches, they are both already waiting for the upcoming flight. And why, yes, because they are so used to living, periodic separation only stimulates them to constant unabated feelings.

Another question is when one of the spouses periodically leaves and comes to the family. But it's worth looking into. If a couple is satisfied with this approach to breaking up a relationship, they do not pester each other with accusations and reproaches, then this is a completely acceptable temporary separation. However, the situation will look completely different when this does not suit one of the spouses. Then you need to find out what is the reason, what is wrong and look for a compromise.

After all, a break in relationships and separation themselves can be of a different nature. It’s one thing when it’s a professional absence or a break from troubles, stress, and a completely different thing when one of the spouses tries to manipulate the other. In any case, an individual family has its own personal positions and sees the situation in its own way. But not all women hold such views.

Many people think that a man is like a child, he almost needs to be swaddled and spoon-fed borscht. No, this is a person who, if necessary, will cook borscht and also feed you. Therefore, you should not hold a man if he wants to break off the relationship and leave. Let him go, just pay attention to the things he takes with him and whether he takes them all. If he took everything, then perhaps he has another woman and he has been with you for a long time.

When a man wants to retire and rethink his life, but he won’t take many things with him, a package at most. If a rival appears, then it’s all about suitcases, but it’s not a fact that these same suitcases won’t come back in a couple of weeks.

Remember that parting is not death; on the contrary, separation is the possible rebirth of everything. Anyone can rest, rethink and make the right decision. Even if the breakup was caused by a rival, it is not a fact that in the role of a wife she will meet your husband’s expectations and stay with him. Perhaps after this, he will stop looking at others altogether and will finally understand who you are and who she is, only without your comments.

They say absence strengthens feelings. The lovers are bored, worried and looking forward to meeting each other. After separation, their feelings are even stronger and stronger. But they also say that separation kills love. The lovers cool down, get used to living apart, and when they meet they realize that they have become strangers. So where is the truth?

His opinion

Vyacheslav, 26 years old, system administrator:

On your own personal experience I can say with confidence that separation not only strengthens feelings, but can even save relationships. It so happened that my girlfriend and I decided to live together after just two weeks of dating. It was truly love at first sight, we couldn’t get enough of each other and spent all our time together. We stopped communicating with friends, preferring a joint evening to communicating with other people. Every weekend, every vacation, every day - only together.

Two years of idyll passed very quickly, and the time of satiety came. Life turned into an eternal quarrel, it began to seem that love had passed, but we could not believe it. Then we decided to take radical measures: not see each other for several months. I went to my parents in St. Petersburg, my girlfriend stayed in Moscow. For greater efficiency, we agreed not to even call each other.

There was a risk, but for the sake of preserving our relationship it was worth taking. At first it was very difficult: I wanted to hear her voice, to come at least for a day, but I endured. All our torment was more than rewarded. When I returned to Moscow, our meeting was amazing, everything returned to normal. Three years passed after that, we got married and are happily married. But now, taught by bitter experience, we no longer make such mistakes and periodically take a break from each other.

Kirill, 40 years old, engineer:

It's a difficult question. It is possible that feelings become stronger when you are apart, but I have never experienced this firsthand. I don't really want to check anything. After my first girlfriend did not wait for me to leave the army, the desire for this kind of experiment disappeared completely. It seems to me that by nature, most women are very flighty; they easily find replacements for the men they recently loved.

For a woman to be faithful to you, you must always be in her field of vision. Otherwise, she will become sad and begin to pour out all her ardor and passion on someone who will be closer than you. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is my opinion, and I have never been separated from my wife for more than a couple of days. Why tempt a person?

Alexander, 32 years old, photographer:

It depends on the separation. A few months spent apart will naturally make the heart beat joyfully when they meet and make the hugs stronger. But a few years are a completely different story. For such long term you can not only forget a person, but also new life begin. I very much doubt that a normal person in a sober mind is capable of loving another without seeing him for 5 years!

Her opinion

Polina, 35 years old, dog handler:

Maybe for some people the separation strengthened their feelings, but for me everything happened exactly the opposite. About five years ago, my husband was given a very lucrative offer: a promotion with subsequent career growth and a huge increase in salary. There was only one drawback: for two years I had to work a thousand miles from home, in Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk.

We gathered for a family council: ours is on one side of the scale. life together, on the other - material well-being. In the end, after shedding a lot of tears, we decided that our love was able to withstand this separation and we should not refuse the offer. My husband went to Sakhalin. For the first six months, he flew to visit me several times a month, those were happy, joyful days. It seemed that the separation really made our feelings even stronger. But it didn’t seem that way for very long.

After about seven months, my husband stopped coming at all, citing a busy schedule, then he began to call less often, then he disappeared altogether. I couldn’t find a place for myself, he didn’t answer my calls, I didn’t know what to think! One day he told me that he was filing for divorce. He has a woman, she is expecting a child, and they are going to get married. Here's to strengthening your feelings...

Valeria, 30 years old, assistant financial director:

There is nothing to think about here! Strong feelings separation strengthens, the weak - destroys. True love can pass any test, and separation, in my opinion, is not the hardest of them. By the way, this way you can check your feelings. If you have doubts about their authenticity, you can separate for a while and listen to yourself; separation will put everything in its place.

Natalya, 22 years old, student:

My relationship with a young man, one might say, began precisely with separation. We met on the Internet, in one of the chat rooms. We talked for a very long time without seeing each other, gradually fell in love with the words on the screen and the invented images in our souls. When we met, we were not at all disappointed. We have been together for several years, but we meet very rarely. I live in the Moscow region, he lives in Sochi. He comes to me for a couple of weeks New Year, I vacation with him for several months in the summer. But separation does not make our feelings weaker; we look forward to every new meeting!

Opinion of the stars

VLADIMIR KUZMIN, singer, composer:

One of the reasons why all my previous relationships with women were upset was separation. That’s why everything is different with my current wife Katya. We have not been apart for more than a few hours for almost five years. We do everything together: we go on tour, read the same books, watch movies, communicate with the same people. If you love, you must always keep the spark alive.

ELENA KHANGA, TV presenter:

Love at a distance is possible if loving people support the communication thread. My husband often goes to long business trips. And I’m sure that daily long conversations on the phone play a huge role in the fact that we don’t grow cold towards each other. I tell him what I had on the program, at home, I share, I consult constantly, no matter where he is in the world. Our phone bills are exorbitant because of this, but they are worth it.

Try not to let even the longest separation ruin your relationship. Lack of love can lead to poor health. Professor of Sociology Schulz from the University of Bielefald, in the course of research, found that those who are not members love relationships, more often than lucky people in love, suffers from headaches, circulatory disorders, stomach colic, nervousness and insomnia. And the heart also needs love. Professor Abramov from Israel claims that single women are more susceptible to heart disease than their happy friends.

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Does forced separation strengthen relationships?

An English proverb says: love grows stronger in absence. Writers and philosophers say and affirm the same truth that separation is only good for relationships.

Parting, lack of certain types of communication: the Internet, telephone and what we use in our age of technology is an assistant in determining your feelings for each other. If, after a long separation, your man or woman remains with you without much communication, consider that your relationship is over good check and you have found a real companion or companion for life.

What are we still afraid of?

Why can separation scare us so much? Firstly, everything is very simple, we are afraid that our soulmate will switch to someone else. And perhaps he will return just to pick up his things. Is it worth worrying too much about the current situation? Think soberly... There is no point in worrying here, even though the situation is not entirely pleasant. Think about whether your companion loved and respected you and your feelings, that he so easily switched to another object, no, his or her feelings for you have gone away a long time ago and you just have to thank the person who spread his love nets in front of your companion. After all, the feeling no longer existed.

Second- you are so lost in your loved one that you no longer know what to do in his or her absence. And you will remember what kind of person you were when you weren’t together, what you did, what you loved to do. Perhaps you studied some language, went to the gym, visited the pool, loved reading books, some kind of handicraft, etc. there are a lot of things to do. Remember what exactly attracted you and occupy yourself with some favorite activity during the absence of your other half.

In what situations can separation be justified...

....fatigue. Yes, maybe we are tired of each other. Some couples for a long time do not separate at all for a long time; if they go somewhere, it is only together, they spend all their time together, and never go anywhere alone. As a rule, such relationships when you cannot look at each other enough and it seems that the world around you does not exist, there is only you and leads to general fatigue. There is nothing terrible about this, you just didn’t go too far and were too full of each other. Now the time has come when you should give each other more freedom. On the weekend, don’t plan to go somewhere together, you go for a walk with your friends, and he goes with his friends.

.......what if the interests do not coincide. Yes, this happens even between spouses who have lived together for many years. What can you do if it's time for vacation, you want to go to some resort, and your spouse wants to go kayaking. Yes, here the interests may not coincide, you are adults and all the same, your interests may be different, so in such a situation everyone can relax separately, doing their favorite thing.

......and if duty calls. In a situation where separation is related to work, nothing can be done. Your husband works as a shift worker, and you may be a flight attendant, or on some kind of business trip, or are being sent for advanced training. Situations may be different when it is because of work matters that you may separate for a while. There's nothing you can do about it; after all, it won't last forever.

What to do to make separation easier to bear

  • Nowadays, even during separation, you can be close. Cellular communications, the Internet, Skype, all these means of communication will help you communicate with each other. Set a certain time in the evening when you will chat on Skype, and in the morning agree to send SMS messages, so you will feel the closeness of your loved one.
  • Even from a distance, make general plans. Discuss what you will do when you meet, where you will go, or maybe, on the contrary, you will want to be just the two of you at home, or throw some kind of party in honor of your return.
  • Don't skimp on your emotions. Be sure to say how much you miss each other, how much you love each other. Talk about your feelings as often as possible, this will also bring you closer.
  • Do not test each other under any circumstances. Intrusive calls demanding constant reports. Where were you? What did you do? etc. it will only be annoying. You wouldn't like it if you were controlled like that. Control must be reasonable. At best, such suspicions will cause indignation, and the worst case scenario will be that he has done something wrong, since you are already scolding him.

They say absence strengthens feelings. The lovers are bored, worried and looking forward to meeting each other. After separation, their feelings are even stronger and stronger. But they also say that separation kills love. The lovers cool down, get used to living apart, and when they meet, they realize that they have become strangers. So where is the truth?

His opinion

Vyacheslav, 26 years old, system administrator:

“From my personal experience, I can say with confidence that separation not only strengthens feelings, but can even save relationships. It so happened that my girlfriend and I decided to live together after just two weeks of dating. It was truly love at first sight, we couldn’t get enough of each other and spent all our time together. We stopped communicating with friends, preferring a joint evening to communicating with other people. Every weekend, every vacation, every day - only together. Two years of idyll passed very quickly, and the time of satiety came. Life turned into an eternal quarrel, it began to seem that love had passed, but we could not believe it. Then we decided to take radical measures: not see each other for several months. I went to my parents in St. Petersburg, my girlfriend stayed in Moscow. For greater efficiency, we agreed not to even call each other. There was a risk, but it was worth taking for the sake of preserving our relationship. At first it was very difficult: I wanted to hear her voice, to come at least for a day, but I endured. All our torment was more than rewarded. When I returned to Moscow, our meeting was amazing, everything returned to normal. Three years passed after that, we got married and are happily married. But now, taught by bitter experience, we no longer make such mistakes and periodically take a break from each other.

Kirill, 40 years old, engineer:

— It’s a difficult question. It is possible that feelings become stronger when you are apart, but I have never experienced this firsthand. I don't really want to check anything. After my first girlfriend did not wait for me to leave the army, the desire for this kind of experiment disappeared completely. It seems to me that by nature, most women are very flighty; they easily find replacements for the men they recently loved. For a woman to be faithful to you, you must always be in her field of vision. Otherwise, she will become sad and begin to pour out all her ardor and passion on someone who will be closer than you. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is my opinion, and I have never been separated from my wife for more than a couple of days. Why tempt a person?

Alexander, 32 years old, photographer:

- It depends on the separation. A few months spent apart will naturally make the heart beat joyfully when they meet and make the hugs stronger. But a few years are a completely different story. In such a long period of time, you can not only forget a person, but also start a new life. I very much doubt that a normal person in a sober mind is capable of loving another without seeing him for 5 years!

Her opinion

Polina, 35 years old, dog handler:

“Maybe the separation strengthened someone’s feelings, but for me everything happened exactly the opposite.” About five years ago, my husband was given a very lucrative offer: a promotion with subsequent career growth and a huge increase in salary. There was only one drawback: for two years I had to work a thousand miles from home, in Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk. We gathered for a family council: on one side of the scale is our life together, on the other is material well-being. In the end, after shedding a lot of tears, we decided that our love was able to withstand this separation and we should not refuse the offer. My husband went to Sakhalin. For the first six months, he flew to visit me several times a month, those were happy, joyful days. It seemed that the separation really made our feelings even stronger. But it didn’t seem that way for very long. After about seven months, my husband stopped coming at all, citing a busy schedule, then he began to call less often, then he disappeared altogether. I couldn’t find a place for myself, he didn’t answer my calls, I didn’t know what to think! One day he told me that he was filing for divorce. He has a woman, she is expecting a child, and they are going to get married. Here's to strengthening your feelings...

Valeria, 30 years old, assistant financial director:

- There’s nothing to think about here! Separation strengthens strong feelings, and destroys weak ones. True love can pass any test, and separation, in my opinion, is not the hardest of them. By the way, this way you can check your feelings. If you have doubts about their authenticity, you can separate for a while and listen to yourself; separation will put everything in its place.

Natalya, 22 years old, student:

— My relationship with a young man, one might say, began precisely with separation. We met on the Internet, in one of the chat rooms. We talked for a very long time without seeing each other, gradually fell in love with the words on the screen and the invented images in our souls. When we met, we were not at all disappointed. We have been together for several years, but we meet very rarely. I live in the Moscow region, he lives in Sochi. He comes to me for a couple of weeks for the New Year, I rest with him for several months in the summer. But separation does not make our feelings weaker; we look forward to every new meeting!

Opinion of the stars

VLADIMIR KUZMIN, singer, composer:

“One of the reasons why all my previous relationships with women were upset was separation. That’s why everything is different with my current wife Katya. We have not been apart for more than a few hours for almost five years. We do everything together: we go on tour, read the same books, watch movies, communicate with the same people. If you love, you must always keep the spark alive.

ELENA KHANGA, TV presenter:

— Love at a distance is possible if loving people maintain a thread of communication. My husband often goes on long business trips. And I’m sure that daily long conversations on the phone play a huge role in the fact that we don’t grow cold towards each other. I tell him what I had on the program, at home, I share, I consult constantly, no matter where he is in the world. Our phone bills are exorbitant because of this, but they are worth it.

Try not to let even the longest separation ruin your relationship. Lack of love can lead to poor health. Professor of sociology Schulz from the University of Bielefald, in the course of research, found that those who are not in a love relationship are more likely than lucky people in love to suffer from headaches, circulatory problems, stomach cramps, nervousness and insomnia. And the heart also needs love. Professor Abramov from Israel claims that single women are more susceptible to heart disease than their happy friends.

Does separation strengthen relationships? Separation can really become an indicator of the existing relationship in a couple. It's no secret that life together, especially family life, can only resemble a fairy tale at first. Then the accumulating problems can fill any problem with an unbearable load. And now there is no longer any warmth and tender glances that so warmed the soul before. The family becomes that very unit of society and begins to resemble some kind of organization with established responsibilities of its members and a budget, rather than people falling in love with each other.

"I miss you". This or a similar phrase is almost always part of a separated couple's telephone conversation. Moreover, boredom in this case is not an indicator that there is nothing to do, but that there is less joy in life due to the departure of a loved one. The answer to the question asked at the beginning of the article about strengthening relationships through separation largely lies in the feeling that the members of the couple experience when they meet. If this feeling is sincere joy, then it is this that is “read” from the face and behavior of the other person and further strengthens the relationship. If after separation other feelings prevail, then this may be evidence of the fading of the relationship.

The duration of separation as a test of the relationship depends on the length of the relationship. It is clear that the newly formed couple cannot live without each other even for a short time without a nagging feeling of sadness. Couples who have lived together for many years may test their relationship by being separated for quite a long period of time.

"Out of sight, out of mind." Separation, in any case, is a constant test of a couple’s strength, since the peculiar magic of love and tenderness that affects the chosen one weakens with time and distance. And here it is very important not to give in to chance and go with the flow, but to take a number of measures in order to then be able to say that separation really strengthens the relationship.

Do not suspect, let alone accuse your loved one of infidelity, unless there are good reasons for this. Otherwise, there is a kind of coding for a certain behavior, here - on.

Give a “piece of yourself” to the person leaving as a reminder. An example would be a photograph, a trinket, writing pen- everything that can remind you of your loved one, remind you of shared pleasant experiences and common important things. A person is always automatically drawn to something familiar. This is especially noticeable in an unusual environment, for example, on a business trip.

Maintain ritual behavior even from a distance. For example, wish " Good night”, be interested in the day, successes, sympathize with failures. Those. do everything we did when we were together. Due to the development of communication means in the form of cellular communications and the Internet, many separated couples hardly feel the separation. Separation in this case, if it does not strengthen the relationship, at least does not weaken it.

Do not give reasons for unnecessary jealousy of the person leaving, since jealousy and love do not have as much in common as they say.