Phone call: - Hello! Can you hear Katyusha? - Hmm... Katyusha? - Yes please. - The apple and pear trees were blooming...

There are always two essences fighting in a woman: a cat that wants to walk on its own, and a dog that needs an owner.....

Carrying out an unbearable person is actually simple - in a coffin and with music.

A woman will always fly. And whether on wings or on a broom depends on the man...

It doesn't matter if the situation is good or bad - it will change

You may know someone for a long time, but then he will betray you! You may know someone poorly, but he will give you his hand!

If you are still not in a fairy tale, then the wrong wizard is with you...

Oh, these women! No sh*t, no conscience.

Not all dreams come true. Even Roman Abramovich dreamed of becoming a teacher like his mother, but something didn’t work out...

Silence is the only thing made of gold that women don't like

The hare and the bear have found a treasure and are arguing over who will get it. The bear suggests: - Come on, whoever knocks out the most teeth will be the treasure. The hare agreed and struck first. - How many? - One, two, three... six. The bear's turn, hit. - How many? - Sisiri. - How about four? - But there’s no buffet.

One traffic cop on the road is a private enterprise; two is a BRIGADE; three is
THREE GODDAMN...

AAA-crocodiles, bighemoths! AAA-monkeys, cashelots" - obviously a song about men

What used to be called a scam of suckers is now a beautiful action!

Every day the hope of going to bed early dies somewhere on the Internet.

One worthy man died of old age - Ivan Ivanovich. I went to heaven. The birds are singing, the beauty all around is unspeakable. But suddenly I saw a secret door on which was written: “Everything for Ivan Ivanovich.” I couldn’t resist, opened it and gasped: in the middle of a flowering garden stood a magnificent mansion, a latest model BMW was parked at the front entrance, and a young “Miss World” was waving to him from the porch. Ivan Ivanovich got angry and rushed to the Lord: “God, why didn’t you give me all this during my lifetime?” The Lord spread his hands in bewilderment: “I fulfilled all your requests: I gave you a wife who bakes delicious pies, a small two-room apartment, and at the end of my life - a “Zaporozhets.” You didn’t even dream of anything else!

One man was bitten by a dog. He felt unwell and consulted a doctor:
- I have to disappoint you: you have rabies.
The patient took a sheet of paper and began to quickly write something.
- Why are you writing a will? I can cure you.
- This is not a will. I'm making a list of those I need to bite before you cure me. . .

Damn... I want a job like Santa Claus... In 364 days))))))

Cultural jokes

1. I see you bought new jeans? Finally with a zipper on the front!

2. Did you buy a new cap? It's high time to cover up this mess!

3. Cool haircut! Lost your bet?

4. Are you nervous (angry, sad, dissatisfied, etc.) today? Didn't work out?

5. Cool blouse! Grandma's?

6. I thought that there were only two troubles in Russia, but looking at you I understand that there are three of them!

7. Why are you looking at me like that? Are you hypnotizing?

8. You’re so witty, doesn’t it hurt your forehead?

9. Why are all men such assholes? -Beee...beee...beee-spanyaatiya!

10. How was your weekend? -Go away yourself...

11. Is yours big? -You'll stop fooling around...

12. Can I ask you one question? -Didn’t you just ask him?

13. Why are you so angry? Did you fall off your broom?

14. In line: -Man, will you be the last one? -Are you a girl? Of course I will! Why the last one?

15. Inconvenient is when you beg for it, but you don’t have it.

16. If God had a plan for you, he blew it.

17. To your stomach with cubes, you would also like brains with balls!

18. It’s time for you to get married, but you’re still dating me.

19. You don’t have to take underwear on the train. He lay on one ear and covered himself with the other.

20. Ask Santa Claus for a new brain. You'll still need it, damn it!

21. Only worms admire your inner world!

22. -Girl, why do you eat so much chocolate? Do you think it will help?
23. Call me more often. I am pleased to see your missed one.
24. Thank you, everything was very tasty, especially the bread.
25. You know, you are such a household item... like soap.
26. If I loved annoying people, I would study to be an obstetrician.
27. Girl, are you dressed like this or have you already started undressing?
28. If you were born in Korea, your name would be Kong Jong Eui.
29. - Hey, raw materials for Photoshop...
30. Would you like me to guess what sign you were born under? Stopudovo, under a brick!
31. My friend fell and broke her chin, but it’s not scary, because she has a second one.
32. I see, I see. You're cool! Only steel balls should be in your pants, not in your head. Moreover, they constantly come to you one after another.
33. What beautiful, white teeth you have. Perhaps you rented false teeth from your grandmother?
34. Girl, how much do you weigh? Well, at least tell me the first three numbers...
35. If you were a little smarter, you would choose your interlocutor wisely. And now I would have a nice conversation with a garbage can.
36. Yeah... not everyone was spared by Chernobyl.
37. Did you hit your head against the wall yourself, or did your parents beat you and you got used to it?
38. It looks like your parents were brother and sister...
39. Is your belly so big or did the airbag deploy on it?
40. The bear clearly stepped on your ear... And walked all over your face...
41. You were the most beautiful on your birthday! Did you select the guests specially?
42. It’s time for you to find your prince... Otherwise, only horses go with you.
43. And I see you’re so funny! Are you suffering from a traumatic brain injury? Or bad heredity?
44. There are girls whom you want to go up to, put your arm around the shoulder and say: “What weight are you fighting at, bro?”
45. I look at you and understand that all scientists are lying... Not all dinosaurs have died out yet...
46. ​​I know why you are so angry and nervous. Your girl has a bigger dick than you.
47. Even pigs disdain to eat after you!

Hard lifts

1. Only polish hemorrhoids with your lips.

2. I'll pinch your nose with my cap.

3. You will vomit shit on me.

4. Your tongue only drives away pubic lice.

5. Your tongue only kneads shit.

6. Your brain only filters urine.

7. I'll spit your brain out through my ass.

8. I'll cover your eyes with shit.

9. Your mouth can only suck worms out of your ass.

10. I’ll dig out your pussy with my pussy.

11. I’ll fart in your nostrils so your eyes fly out.

12. I’ll rip out your eardrums.

13. I’ll put a plum on your nose with my buttocks.

14. Your face can only crush cow dung.

15. Only breed maggots in your rotten ass.

16. Only rinse your teeth during menstruation.

17. Your drizzle can only be ridden on a hairy motor scooter.

18. Your nose is only good for burying dog poop.

19. Your tonsils only tickle your scrotums.

20. With your fingers you can only sculpt figures out of shit...

Jokes

You're so smart, doesn't your skull hurt?

You are so smart, do you happen to have an IQ of 150%?

You have such a mentality that you should at least hire a watchman!

Your inner world may only be of interest to a tapeworm.

Someone came down from the hill, your death is probably coming!

You'll be talking to me for the rest of your life!

I look at you, so healthy and stupid, and I think: at school you probably only taught physical education.

Scumbags

I'll give you a compass. So that you always know where yuh is.
Did your eyes gouge out with eggs in the 69 position?

Loving a person who doesn't give a damn about me is my style, yeah...

There are a lot of good people in the world, but I always communicate with fucked-up people, it’s more interesting with them

And in a white dress and veil I walk to the altar with flowers and my father shouts after me Anton, fucking don’t disgrace your family!

Who said that hatred needs a justified reason? No such thing.

If a cat flies with its ass forward over the fence, it means it stole something from the table.

Even a billion hearts under your ava will not correct the shortcomings of nature on your ****

Briefly about myself - I have no brains and I fuck a lot

At home they say: “Leave your nerves at work!”, at work: “Leave your nerves at home!” Fuck, where should I leave my nerves?

I respect the ocean. He takes lives and he doesn't give a fuck.

They say that when you give a damn about a person, he begins to understand what he has lost. So let the fucker rule the world. Everyone will be happy.

A hedgehog came out of the fog, ran out of marijuana, suddenly found hemp, and entered the fog again!

And again I step into the bottomless heights, with a huge poster... “Everything is fucked up.”