Parents are confident: they know how to make their child happy. All strength and energy are directed towards achieving this goal. However, instead of gratitude, we receive reproaches, irritation, withdrawal, and misunderstanding from children.

What is “happiness” from a parent’s point of view?

What do they themselves know about happiness? How often do you experience it? Do they know how to be happy? Do they fill the lives of their children with the energy of happiness?

Moms and dads will say: we want the child to grow up happy. We are ready for sacrifices and hardships - this way our child will understand that he is loved. There is a stereotype: the interests of children always come first.

A child is born and parents must give up their own needs. Taking care of yourself is awkward and conscientious. Therefore, parents push their interests, personal life, and career into the background.

Examples from psychotherapeutic practice:

At a consultation with a psychologist, a woman spoke about a strong emotional attachment to my son. She dedicated her life to him: she raised him, worked tirelessly, denied herself everything. And in response - only his irritation. “My son puts up with me because I give him money,” complains the unhappy mother. During the conversation, it turns out that the guy lives in another country, he is already 21 years old. A woman shows her love for her son like this: constant moralizing on Skype, calls with checks, control at every step. Is this love? From the mother's point of view - yes, love, care. But can a son discern and accept such love?

Another example:

A man lost his beloved wife. The attitude “love hurts” appeared. In his new marriage with the woman who loved him, two girls were born. The father began to avoid emotional contact with his daughters. Result: deep neurosis of the eldest daughter, complete discord in the family.

Another situation:

A psychologist’s client shares her problem: a “cold” relationship with her daughter. She talks about herself: she survived an unsuccessful marriage - her husband beat her. She gave up on her personal happiness and forbade herself from getting married, fearing a repetition of the scenario. She unwittingly passed on her negative ideas about men to her daughter. And now my daughter recently got married and she is uncomfortable in her marriage. Doesn't share feelings with mother.


There are many options for being unhappy parents and making your children unhappy. Is there a way out?

Of course - be honest with yourself, change yourself. Is it difficult? Yes! But it's possible!

Changes in your own worldview, abandonment of habitual patterns of behavior, a step towards yourself - this is the “sacrifice” that our children will appreciate.

Modern parents lack basic knowledge about the psychology of children. Adults forget what they themselves felt in childhood and at the same time are confident that they know how to protect children from worries.

Each age carries its own internal problems: crises of three, seven years, adolescence and this cannot be avoided. But we can work with this.

Children are a resource for personal growth adults. A child is a mirror in which we, the parents, are reflected.
From psychological state parents depend on the future of their children. And when a child’s happiness is at stake, you can try. And then the depressing feeling of guilt inherent in the Russian mentality will go away.
The task of a loving parent is to create a safe psychological environment for the child, to tune in with him “on the same wavelength.”

It's easier to communicate with a happy parent. You can trust such a parent. Remember in your youth: for lovers, the sea is “knee-deep”, problems are solved by themselves and the soul sings... How difficult it is for adults to return joy to their lives! Anxiety for children and fear of making mistakes take away from the main idea of ​​parenting - the pleasure of communicating with your own child.

Learn to be happy and your children will thank you!

“Happy Parents” is a magazine that has long become an indispensable assistant for young parents. On the pages of the publication you will find: recommendations and materials written by the best Russian doctors (gynecologists, pediatricians, nutritionists, child psychologists), they answer the most pressing questions regarding pregnancy and the first years of a child’s life. In addition, each issue contains recommendations from Russian and foreign experts regarding childbirth, nutrition and child care. Happy Parents correspondents introduce their readers to the latest fashionable and current products for children, as well as the latest scientific achievements in the field of pediatrics, obstetrics, psychology and dietetics.

The book is part of the series "Editors of the magazine Happy Parents." On our website you can download the book "Happy Parents 06-2018" in fb2, rtf, epub, pdf, txt format or read online. Here, before reading, you can also turn to reviews from readers who are already familiar with the book and find out their opinion. In our partner's online store you can buy and read the book in paper form.

It’s difficult to change your mind when living your whole life according to one scenario. However, I offer you a number of ways to help you get in the right frame of mind.

1. Enjoy life.

Raising a child is a complex and time-consuming process in which there are no magic rules or spells. But if you want your child to be happy, make yourself happy. Mom and dad are a stable and constant example for a growing baby. That is why, when parents are kind, open, enjoy life, do what they love, the child repeats after them, and these feelings and moods become the norm for him.

Just imagine how difficult it is little man among the offended, dissatisfied with work, adults, and how easily he, due to ignorance of the world, learns just such a view of life.

In such difficult workdays, you really need to learn to rejoice. At least for the sake of the happiness of their children. Make it a rule to see friends at least once every couple of weeks, go for a walk with your child not only in the yard, but also come up with some kind of small adventures - be it a city holiday, a walk in the park or a trip to the movies. And make the most important rule: leave your bad mood and work problems outside your home.

2. Optimism is the key to success

It is very important to teach a child to look at the world around us positive. Failures happen, but if you don’t allow yourself to get discouraged and take on the problem with a smile, you can achieve excellent results. According to statistics, optimists are more self-confident and more successful in school, work and sports.

Make it a rule to play a game with your baby every evening, in which each of you will tell a few good events things that happened to you during the day. You'll see, this will benefit not only the child, but also you!

Try to see only the good in everything – in events, in the weather, and even in failures. As Immanuel Kant said, “one person, looking into a puddle, sees dirt in it, another sees stars reflected in it.” Try to see the stars and your child will see them too!

3. Be sincere

Fatigue and bad mood, unfortunately, are frequent guests in the world of adults. Do not forget that children feel everything perfectly, and the sight of a persistent mother when she is angry inside only frightens the baby and confuses his skills in recognizing emotions.

Laugh if you are happy, frown if you are angry, sad or sad - because blocking feelings often leads to unpleasant complications. Just be sure to explain your feelings to your child, for example: “I want to be alone for a while because I’m very tired and don’t feel well.” And talk through his feelings together: “You’re angry because we didn’t buy you a chocolate bar.” This way you will teach your baby to correctly recognize his own and other people’s feelings, and he will be more careful about the experiences of other people. This is another step towards a happy self: it is very important when loved ones understand and share your feelings. Honesty in the family is the key to a healthy personality.

4. Parenting time

Parents, more often mothers, especially when the child is still small, do not have enough time to spend it with benefit only for themselves. Psychologists say that it is necessary to carve out such moments, because you cannot constantly ignore your interests and desires. Parents, it is to us that our children look, from us they learn to set priorities and live either in harmony with themselves or in.

WITH early childhood By teaching the child to be independent and stipulating his responsibilities, parents free up some of their free time, while simultaneously teaching the child the necessary skills.

5. Spend more time with your children

New experiences are very important for a child’s development: go with the whole family to the cinema, museums or park, more often, cook together on the weekend, watch your favorite cartoons in the evening.

With your children, you will look at rain and snow, at worms and cats in a new way, read old fairy tales in a different way and learn new poems, feel the delight and surprise of your baby, talk about first love... It is happiness to experience bright times with your loved ones impressions and moments!

Children, even well-fed and provided with everything, without adults cannot learn to see all the delights of the world, find an exciting activity - to live a full childhood.

6. Allow yourself to make mistakes

We are not perfect and the world is not perfect, so just give yourself permission to be yourself. Don’t blame yourself endlessly for mistakes and incorrect words - try to understand the reason and correct the situation. The stress level will become noticeably lower, and the child, looking at a persistent parent, will gain invaluable experience in overcoming any obstacles.

Try to live the way you would like your children to live. Learn, create, love, develop and be happy!

Olga Dorokhova

The German satirist Sebastian Brant wrote the lines back in the 15th century: A child learns what he sees in his home, Parents are an example to him. Having passed this psychological test, you will find out whether your personal example contributes to the development in your child of the qualities that you want to see in him.