Previously, scientists believed that harmful advice could only be given to naughty children who did everything the other way around. Such a child will hear bad advice, do it differently - and it will turn out just right. But recently scientists realized that obedient children also need harmful advice. It turns out that harmful advice acts as an inoculation against stupidity on an obedient child. Now scientists allow harmful advice to be read to all children - both obedient and disobedient.

1.
Before your parents
Begging for something good
Ask yourself: “Do I deserve it?

Was I an obedient, sweet boy?
If yes, ask for twice as much.
If not, ask twice as pitifully.

2.
When you wake up, the first thing you do is
Promise not to start
Nothing like what you will
Continue today you.
Before going to bed, ask for forgiveness
And promise not to do it
Nothing like what I did
You're here all day today

When you wake up, the first thing you do is
Promise not to continue...
Before going to bed, ask for forgiveness
And promise not to do...
3.
Often mom promises
Doesn't work
But don't be upset
Be offended and grumble.
If you have to do it
Mom everything I promised
That, I'm afraid, is a living place
You won't find it on your butt.

Book for not obedient children and their parents

Recently, scientists discovered that there are naughty children in the world who do everything the other way around. They are given useful advice: “Wash your face in the morning” - they take it and don’t wash it. They are told: “Say hello to each other” - they immediately begin not to greet each other. Scientists have come up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice. They will do everything the other way around, and it will turn out just right.

THIS BOOK IS FOR Naughty CHILDREN.

Lost Child
Must remember that it
They'll take you home as soon as
He will tell you his address.
We need to act smarter
Say: "I live
Near a palm tree with a monkey
On distant islands."
Lost child
If he's not a fool,
Will not miss the right opportunity
IN different countries visit.

Hands never anywhere
Don't touch anything.
Don't get involved in anything

And don't go anywhere.
Move aside silently, stand modestly in the corner
And stand quietly, without moving,
Until your old age.

Who hasn't jumped out of a window?
Together with my mother's umbrella,
That dashing parachutist
Doesn't count yet.
Don't fly like a bird
Above the excited crowd
Don't put him in the hospital
With a bandaged leg.

If the whole family goes swimming
You went to the river
Don't bother mom and dad
Sunbathe on the shore.
Don't start a scream
Give the adults a break.
Without pestering anyone,
Try to drown.

There is no more pleasant activity than picking your nose. Everyone is terribly interested in what is hidden inside. And whoever is disgusted to look, let him not look. We don’t get in his way, let him not pester him either. If your mother caught you doing what you love,

For example, while drawing
In the hallway on the wallpaper,
Explain to her what it is -
Your surprise for the Eighth of March.
The painting is called:
“Portrait of my dear mother.”

Don't take someone else's if
Strangers are looking at you.
Let them close their eyes
Or they’ll go out for an hour.
Why be afraid of your own people!
They won’t tell about their own people.
Let them look.
Grab someone else's
And drag him to yours.

Never ask stupid questions
Don't ask yourself
Or even more stupid
You will find the answer to them.
If the questions are stupid
Appeared in my head
Ask them straight away to adults.
Let their brains crack.

Visit often
Theater buffet.
There are cakes with cream,
Water with bubbles.
Like firewood on plates
The chocolates are lying
And through a tube you can
Drink a milkshake.
Don't ask for tickets
To the balcony and to the stalls,
Let them give you tickets
To the theater buffet.
Leaving the theater
Take it with you
Under a trembling heart,
In the stomach, a sandwich.

Born a girl - be patient
Trips and pushes.
And put your pigtails on everyone,
Who wouldn't mind pulling them?
But someday later
Show them the fig
And you will say: “Figurines, for you
I won't get married!"

If you and your friends are together
Have fun in the yard
And in the morning they put it on you
Your new coat,
You shouldn't crawl in puddles
And roll on the ground
And climb fences
Hanging from nails.
So as not to spoil or dirty your new coat,
We need to make it old.
This is done like this:
Get right into the puddle
Roll on the ground
And a little on the fence
Hang on nails.
Very soon it will become old
Your new coat,
Now you can calmly
Have fun in the yard.
You can safely crawl in puddles

And roll on the ground
And climb fences
Hanging from nails.

If you're down the hall
Ride your bike
And towards you from the bathroom
Dad went out for a walk
Don't turn into the kitchen
There is a solid refrigerator in the kitchen.
Better brake like dad.
Dad is soft.
He will forgive.

If you are united forever,
Illuminated and lead,
Don't try to dodge
From movement to celebration.
Still will raise to work
And it will inspire you to heroism
You are great and mighty,
And our reliable stronghold.

The main business of your life
Any trifle can become a problem.
You just have to firmly believe
There is no more important matter.
And then it won't hurt
You are neither cold nor hot,
Choking with delight,
Do nonsense.

Hit frogs with sticks.
This is very interesting.
Tear off the wings of flies,
Let them run on foot.
Exercise daily
And a happy day will come -
you to some kingdom
They will be accepted as the chief executioner.

Girls should never be
Not to be noticed anywhere.
And don't give them a pass
Nowhere and never.
They need to put their feet up
Scare from around the corner
So that they immediately understand:
You don't care about them.
I met a girl - quickly
Stick your tongue out.
Let her not think
That you're in love with her.

Starting a fight with dad
Starting a fight with mom,
Try to surrender to your mother, -
Dad takes no prisoners.
By the way, find out from your mother,
Has she forgotten -
Beat prisoners on the butt with a belt
Prohibited by the Red Cross.

If you're the whole world of violence
Are you going to destroy
And at the same time you dream of becoming
Everything without being anything
Feel free to follow us
Along the paved road,
We will give you this path
We might even give in.

Don't settle for anything
With no one and never
And those who agree with you
Call them cowardly.
For this everyone will start you
Love and respect.
And you will have it everywhere
Full of friends.

If there are cockroaches in the kitchen
Marching around the table
And the mice are happy
There's a practice fight on the floor,
So it's time for you to go
Stop fighting for peace
And give up all your strength
To fight for purity.

If you are going to a friend
Tell me your troubles
Take a friend by the button
It's useless - he'll run away,
And it will leave you with a souvenir
This button is a friend.
Better give him a kick
Throw on the floor, sit on top
And then in detail
Tell me your trouble.

If you came to see your friends,
Don't say hello to anyone.
Words: “please”, “thank you”
Don't tell anyone.
Turn away and ask questions
Don't answer anyone's questions.
And then no one will say
About you, that you are a talker.

If anything happened
And no one is to blame
Don't go there or else
You will be to blame.
Hide somewhere on the side.
And then go home.
And about the fact that I saw this,
Don't tell anyone.

If they didn't buy you a cake
And they didn’t take us to the cinema in the evening,
You need to be offended by your parents,
And go without a hat into the cold night.
But not just like that
Wander the streets
And in the dense dark
Forest to go.
There's a wolf right there for you
Hungry to meet,
And, of course, quickly
He will eat you.
Then mom and dad will know
They will scream, cry and run away.
And they will rush to buy cake,
And to the cinema with you
They'll pick you up in the evening.

Look what's going on
In every house at night.
Turning his nose to the wall,
The adults lie silently.
They move their lips
In the pitch darkness
And with eyes closed
The heel is jerked in your sleep.
Don't agree to anything
Go to bed at night.
Don't let anyone
Putting you to bed.
Do you really want
My childhood years
Spend under the blanket
On a pillow, without pants?

There is a sure way to please adults:
In the morning, start yelling and littering,
Eavesdropping, whining, running around the house
Kicking and begging for gifts from everyone.
Be rude, cunning, tease and lie,
And in the evening suddenly stop for an hour, -
And immediately, stroking with a touched smile,
All the adults will pat you on the head
And they will say that you are a wonderful boy
And there is no child nicer than you.

If you came to the Christmas tree,
Demand your gift right away
Look, there's no candy
Santa Claus has not healed.
And don't you dare carefree
Bring home leftovers.
How mom and dad gallop -
Half will be taken away.

If punishment awaits you
For bad behavior
For example, for being in the bathroom
Have you bathed your cat?
Without asking permission
Neither the cat nor the mother,
I can suggest you a way
How to escape from punishment.
Hit your head on the floor,
Beat yourself in the chest with your hands
And sob and shout: “Oh, why did I torture the cat!?
I am worthy of terrible punishment!
My shame can only be redeemed by death!"
Not even half a minute will pass,
How, crying with you,
They will forgive you and, to console you,
They will run for a sweet cake.
And then calm down the cat
Lead me by the tail to the bath,
After all, a cat is a tell-all
He will never be able to.

For example, in your pocket
It turned out to be a handful of sweets,
And they came towards you
Yours true friends.
Don't be scared and don't hide,
Don't rush to run away
Don't shove all the candy
Along with candy wrappers in your mouth.
Approach them calmly
Without saying unnecessary words,
Quickly taking it out of his pocket,
Give them... your palm.
Shake their hands firmly,
Say goodbye slowly
And, turning the first corner,
Rush home quickly.
To eat candy at home,
Get under the bed
Because there, of course,
You won't meet anyone.

Take thick cherry juice
And my mother's white cloak.
Gently pour the juice onto the cloak -
A stain will appear.
Now, so that there is no stain
On my mother's cloak,
The entire cloak must be put in
Into thick cherry juice.
Take your mother's cherry raincoat
And a mug of milk.
Pour the milk carefully -
A stain will appear.
Now, so that there is no stain
On my mother's cloak,
The entire cloak must be put in
In a saucepan with milk.
Take thick cherry juice
And my mother's white cloak.
Lay carefully...

If you broke a window,
Don't rush to admit it.
Wait, won't it start?
Suddenly there is a civil war.
The artillery will strike
Glass will fly out everywhere
And no one will scold
For a broken window.

Beat your friends without a break
Every day for half an hour,
And your muscles
It will become stronger than a brick.
And with mighty hands,
You, when the enemies come,
You can in difficult moment
Protect your friends.

Never wash your hands
Neck, ears and face.
This is a stupid thing to do
Doesn't lead to anything.
Your hands will get dirty again
Neck, ears and face,
So why waste energy?
Time to waste.
It's also useless to get a haircut,
There's no point.
By old age by itself
Your head will go bald.

Never allow
Set a thermometer for yourself
And don't swallow pills,
And don't eat powders.
Let your stomach and teeth hurt,
Throat, ears, head,
Don't take any medicine anyway
And don't listen to the doctor.
The heart stops beating
But for sure
They won't stick mustard plaster on you
And they won't give you an injection.
If you are hospitalized
And you don’t want to lie there,
Wait until they come to your room
The most important doctor will come.
Bite him - and immediately
Your treatment will end
That same evening from the hospital
They'll take you home.

If mom is in the store
I just bought you a ball
And he doesn't want the rest
Buy everything he sees,
Stand straight, heels together,
Place your arms to the sides,
Open your mouth wider
And shout the letter "A"!
And when, dropping the bags,
With a cry: “Citizens! Anxiety!"
Buyers will rush
Led by sellers
The store director is here to see you
He will crawl up and tell his mother: “Take everything for free,
Let him just shut up."

When you are your own mother
Leads to dentists
Don't expect mercy from her
Don't shed unnecessary tears.
Be silent like a captured partisan
And grit your teeth like that
So that she won’t be able to unclench them
Crowd of dentists.

If you stayed at home
Alone without parents
I can offer you
An interesting game
Titled "The Brave Chef"
Or "The Brave Cook".
The essence of the game is preparation.
All kinds of delicious dishes.
I suggest for starters
Here's a simple recipe:
Need to wear daddy's shoes
Pour out my mother's perfume,
And then these shoes
Apply shaving cream
And, watering them with fish oil
With black mascara in half,
Throw in the soup that mom
I prepared it in the morning.
And cook with the lid closed
Exactly seventy minutes.
You'll find out what happens
When the adults come.

If your friend is the best
Slipped and fell
Point your finger at a friend
And grab your stomach.
Let him see, lying in a puddle, -
You're not upset at all.
True friend doesn't like
Upset your friends.

If you're not sure yet
We have chosen a path in life
And you don't know why
Start your labor journey,
Break the light bulbs in the hallways -
People will thank you.
You will help the people
Save electricity.

To kick you out of your apartment
Various flies and mosquitoes,
I need to pull back the curtain
And spin it over your head.
Pictures will fly off the walls,
There are flowers from the windowsill.
The TV will tumble
The chandelier will crash into the parquet.
And, escaping from the roar,
Mosquitoes will fly away
And the frightened flies
The flock will rush south.

If you decided in the morning
Behave well
Feel free to go into your closet
lead
And dive into the darkness.
There's no mother there
no dad
Only daddy's pants.
No one will shout there
loud:
"Stop it! Don't you dare!"
Don't touch me!"
It's much easier there
will,
Without disturbing anyone,
All day to yourself
decently
And lead decently.

Decided to fight - choose
The one who is weaker.
But the strong can fight back,
Why do you need her?
The younger the one you hit,
The more joyful the heart
Watch him cry, scream,
And he calls mommy.
But if suddenly for the baby
Someone stepped up
Run, scream and cry loudly,
And call mommy.

There is a reliable way dad
Drive you crazy forever.
Tell your dad honestly
What did you do yesterday?
If he can
Stay on your feet
Explain what to do
Tomorrow you think.
And when with a crazy look
Dad will sing songs
Call an ambulance.
Her phone number is 03.

If you were walking around wearing a hat,
And then she disappeared
Don't worry, mom is home
You can lie about something.
But try to lie beautifully,
To look in admiration,
Holding my breath, mom
I listened to lies for a long time.
But if you lied
About the lost hat
What is it in an unequal battle
A spy took it from you,
Try to mom
I didn’t go to be indignant
To foreign intelligence
They won't understand her that way.

“We need to share with the younger ones!”
“We need to help the younger ones!”
Never forget
These are the rules, friends.
Repeat very quietly
Theirs to someone older than you
So that the younger ones about it
We didn't find out anything.

If your hands are at lunch
You got the salad dirty
And you feel embarrassed about the tablecloth
Wipe your fingers,
Lower it discreetly
They are under the table, and it’s calm there
Wipe your hands
About the neighbor's pants.

If you're in your pocket
I didn't find a penny
Look into your neighbor's pocket -
Obviously the money is there.

If your desk neighbor
Became a source of infection
Hug him and off to school
You won't come for two weeks.

To spontaneous combustion
Didn't happen in the house
Leaving the premises
Take your iron with you.
Vacuum cleaner, electric stove,
TV and floor lamp
Better, with light bulbs together,
Take it to the neighboring yard.
And it will be even more reliable
Cut the wires
So that throughout your area
Immediately the lights went out.
Here you can be sure
You're almost certainly
What from spontaneous combustion
The house was safely protected.

Matches - best toy
For bored children.
Dad's tie, car passport -
Here's a small fire.
If you throw the slippers
Or put a broom
You can fry a whole chair
Cook the fish soup in the nightstand.
If adults are somewhere
The matches were hidden from you,
Explain to them that matches
For the fire you need.

If you wash your son
Mom suddenly discovers
That she is not washing her son,
And someone else’s daughter...
Don't let mom be nervous
Well, does she care?
There are no differences
Between dirty children.

When you get old, go
Walk along the street.
Don't get on the bus, anyway
You'll have to stand there.
And nowadays there are few fools,
To give way,
And to those distant times
There won't be any of them at all.

If you played football
On the wide pavement
And, hitting the goal,
Suddenly we heard a whistle,
Don't shout "Goal!" maybe
This policeman whistled,
when they hit
Not at the gate, but into him.

Running away from the tram,
Don't rush under the dump truck.
Wait at the traffic light
Won't show up yet
Ambulance car -
It's full of doctors
Let them crush you.
They will heal themselves later.

If you want enemies
Win with one blow
Rockets and shells for you,
And there's no need for cartridges.
Drop to them by parachute
(Fill out this line yourself.)
An hour later the enemies, sobbing,
They will come running to surrender.
If you are the last one on the council
You don’t want to insert a line yourself,
Choose any one for yourself
From those offered to you.
Drop them by parachute:
Your little sister
Dad, grandma and mom,
Two bags of rubles and three rubles,
The headmistress of your school,
The full staff of the teachers' council
Engine from "Zaporozhets"
Dozens of dentists
BOY CHERNOV SASHA,
LITTLE MASHA OSTER,
Tea from the school canteen,
The book " Bad advice»…
An hour later the enemies, sobbing,
They will come running to surrender.

If you are called to dinner,
Hide proudly under the sofa
And lie there quietly,
So that they don’t find you right away.
And when from under the sofa
They will drag you by the legs,
Break out and bite
Don't give up without a fight.
If they do get it
And they will seat you at the table,
Knock back the cup
Pour the soup on the floor.
Cover your mouth with your hands
Fall down from the chair.
And throw the cutlets up,
Let them stick to the ceiling.
In a month people will say
With respect about you: “He looks thin and dead,
But the character is strong."

If you decide first
To join the ranks of your fellow citizens -
Never catch up
Rushing forward.
Five minutes later, cursing,
They will run back
And then, leading the crowd,
You will rush ahead.

If to dad or mom
Adult aunt came
And someone important leads
And a serious conversation
Need from behind unnoticed
sneak up on her and then
Shout loudly in your ear:
“Stop! Give up! Hands up!"
And when aunty gets off the chair
He'll fall out of fright
And he'll spill it on his dress
Tea, compote or jelly,
It's probably very loud
Mom will laugh
And, proud of my child,
Dad will shake your hand.
Dad will take you by the shoulder
And it will lead somewhere.
It'll probably be there for a very long time
Dad will praise you.

Get yourself a notebook
And write down in detail
Who's who at recess
How many times have I sent it to where?
Who is the physical education teacher with?
I drank kefir in the gym,
And what does dad say to mom at night?
He whispered quietly in his ear.

If sharp objects
You caught my eye
Try them deeper
Stick it into yourself.
This is the most best way
See for yourself
What are dangerous items?
We must hide it from children.

Are you being held accountable?
Well, know how to answer.
Don't shake, don't whine, don't mumble,
Never hide your eyes.
For example, my mother asked:
“Who scattered the toys?”
Answer that it's dad
He brought his friends.
Did you get into a fight with your little brother?
Say he's the first
Kicked you in the neck
And he swore like a bandit.
If they ask who's in the kitchen
I bit all the cutlets,
Answer that the cat is the neighbor's,
Or perhaps the neighbor himself.
No matter what you've done wrong,
Learn to answer.
For each one's actions
I must answer boldly.

If you are determined
Steal a plane to the West,
But you can't think of it
How to scare pilots
Read passages to them
From today's newspaper, -
And they go to any country
They will fly away with you.

It's better to tease from the window,
From the eighth floor.
From a tank is also good,
When the armor is strong.
But if you want to bring
People to bitter tears,
They're the safest
Tease on the radio.

When a guest drops his cup,
Don't hit your guest in the forehead.
Give me another cup, let me
He drinks tea calmly.
When this cup is a guest
Will fall off the table
Pour tea into his glass,
And let him drink in peace.
When will all the dishes be a guest?
In the apartment he will interrupt,
I'll have to pour some sweet tea
By the scruff of his neck.

If you are on the phone
Called a fool
And they didn’t wait for an answer,
Throwing the phone down,
Dial quickly
From any random numbers
And to the one who picks up the phone,
Let me know - I'm a fool myself.

Address of the school where
I was lucky to study
Like a multiplication table
Remember firmly, by heart,
And when will it happen to you
Meet a saboteur
Without wasting a minute,
Please provide the school address.

Don't be upset if
Calling mom to school
Or dad. Don't be shy
Bring the whole family.
Let uncles and aunts come
And second cousins
If you have a dog,
Bring her too.

If you decided to sister
Just to scare you as a joke,
And she’s down the wall from you
Runs away barefoot
So the jokes are funny
They don't reach her
And you shouldn’t give it to your sister
Live mice in slippers.

If you caught your sister
With the grooms in the yard,
Don't rush her quickly
Give it to mom and dad.
Let the parents first
She will be given in marriage
Then you'll tell your husband
Everything you know about your sister.

If he's chasing you
Too many people
Ask them in detail
What are they upset about?
Try to console everyone.
Give everyone advice
But reduce the speed
Absolutely no use.

Don't be offended by
Who hits you with their hands?
And don't be lazy every time
Thank him
For sparing no effort,
He hits you with his hands
And I could take it in these hands
And a stick and a brick.

If a friend's birthday
I invited you to my place,
You leave the gift at home -
It will come in handy yourself.
Try to sit next to the cake.
Don't engage in conversations.
You're talking
Eat half as much candy.
Choose smaller pieces
To swallow faster.
Don't grab the salad with your hands -
You can scoop up more with a spoon.
If they suddenly give you nuts,
Place them carefully in your pocket,
But don't hide the jam there -
It will be difficult to take it out.

A book about delicious and healthy food cannibal

Never agree to listen to this book and never read it yourself. If they do force you to read or force you to read it out loud, close your eyes, plug your ears with your fingers and shout something loud so that you are sure not to hear anything. The main thing to remember is that it is not true that the cannibal eats only ill-mannered boys and girls. He likes the well-mannered ones even more because they are much tastier. And also, know that there is a very simple way to escape from the cannibal when he catches you. At the very last second, as soon as he opens his mouth, say to the nasty little voice: “Have you washed your hands?” “No,” the cannibal will say. “Here, go, wash,” you say, “and then sit down to sleep.” And when the cannibal runs to wash his hands, shout after him: “With soap, with soap! I'll check!" No self-respecting cannibal will ever return to you after this, and you can slowly get out of your plate and calmly go home for dinner.
Dear parents! Here is a home educator's cookbook. This is a terrible piece of work. Don't even think about reading it to your children at night! Only in the morning! And only if you still decided to lecture them in the morning, throw reproaches at them, prick them with reproaches, and also nag them, poke them, bug them and poke their noses at what they had done until lunchtime. Then it’s better to read to them a book about the delicious and healthy food of the cannibal. In the end, going through different methods of education, it is not difficult to come to the thought: “The simplest and least funny thing a person can do to a person is to eat him!”
ARGUY WITH A HOT NOSE
Place a very arrogant girl in a frying pan, praise her several times, as soon as she lifts her nose, pour sunflower oil over it, fry it well and eat while praising.

HARMFUL ADVICE - VACCINATIONS AGAINST STUPIDITY.
This book is intended for naughty children, their parents and teachers.
Obedient children are allowed to read no more than three harmful pieces of advice per day. At the same time obedient child It is recommended to tie it to a chair just in case. With ropes.
Otherwise, an obedient child, having listened to enough bad advice, will take and do everything that is described in this terrible book.

* * *
When the parents run in
And they will start asking,
What were you thinking about when
Spit from the window
He fed the vacuum cleaner salad,
He set fire to newspapers
And pushed me down from the balcony
Porcelain service,
Ask your parents:
But they themselves
What were you hoping for when
One day, suddenly
We decided to have a boy
And they turned you on?

* * *
Approaching strange boys
The girl should already
To meet them, make angry faces,
Show stones, sticks, fists
And shout out different threats.
Let them still feel from afar,
That the girl will not let herself be offended.

* * *
Candy is not food
You won't be full from them.
Who eats too much candy
He walks without teeth.
And my hands are sticky from them,
And no appetite
So don't eat sweets
You better give them to me.

* * *
If you don't have a dog,
On a leash behind you
Take me around the apartment
Electric iron.
So that he doesn’t spoil the parquet
And there were no puddles on the rug.
Three times a day it's on the grass
Take him out for a walk.
And so that in the evening a robber
Didn't wander into the light
Write on the doors with chalk:
"Caution: evil iron."
Not a single normal crook
He won't even stick his nose into the house,
Where he lies in wait
Meeting with a large iron.

* * *
You can color it
Not just pictures,
Color at your leisure
Myself and the cat.
Let mom and dad
Returning from work,
Twelve differences
They will find it between you.

* * *
If you during a fight
Hit with a fist in the forehead,
And then they came to make peace,
Offering to forget everything,
Then first let them set you up
Forehead under your fists,
And then they will forget about everything,
When the memory fades.

Grigory Oster

HARMFUL ADVICE 1, 2, 3, 4

Bad advice 1

A book for naughty children and their parents

Scientists have recently discovered that there are naughty children in the world who do everything the other way around. They are given useful advice: “Wash your face in the morning” - they take it and don’t wash it. They are told: “Say hello to each other” - they immediately begin not to greet each other. Scientists have come up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice. They will do everything the other way around, and it will turn out just right.

This book is for naughty children.

Lost Child

Must remember that it

They'll take you home as soon as

He will tell you his address.

We need to act smarter

Say: "I live

Near a palm tree with a monkey

On distant islands."

Lost child

If he's not a fool,

Will not miss the right opportunity

Visit different countries.

Hands never anywhere

Don't touch anything.

Don't get involved in anything

And don't go anywhere.

Move aside silently

Stand modestly in the corner

And stand quietly, without moving,

Until your old age.

Who hasn't jumped out of a window?

Together with my mother's umbrella,

That dashing parachutist

Doesn't count yet.

Don't fly like a bird

Above the excited crowd

Don't put him in the hospital

With a bandaged leg.

If the whole family goes swimming

You went to the river

Don't bother mom and dad

Sunbathe on the shore.

Don't start a scream

Give the adults a break.

Without pestering anyone,

Try to drown.

There is no more pleasant thing to do

What to pick your nose with.

Everyone is terribly interested

What's hidden inside?

And who is disgusted to look,

Let him not even look.

We don’t get in his way,

Let him not bother you either.

If your mom caught you

For what you love,

For example, while drawing

In the hallway on the wallpaper,

Explain to her what it is -

Your surprise for the Eighth of March.

The painting is called:

“Portrait of my dear mother.”

Don't take someone else's if

Strangers are looking at you.

Let them close their eyes

Or they’ll go out for an hour.

Why be afraid of your own people!

They won’t tell about their own people.

Let them look. Grab someone else's

And drag him to yours.

Never stupid questions

Don't ask yourself

Or even more stupid

You will find the answer to them.

If the questions are stupid

Appeared in my head

Ask them straight away to adults.

Let their brains crack.

Visit often

Theater buffet.

There are cakes with cream,

Water with bubbles.

Like firewood on plates

The chocolates are lying

And through a tube you can

Drink a milkshake.

Don't ask for tickets

To the balcony and to the stalls,

Let them give you tickets

To the theater buffet.

Leaving the theater

You will take it with you

Under a trembling heart,

In the stomach, a sandwich.

Born a girl - be patient

Trips and pushes.

And put your pigtails on everyone,

Who wouldn't mind pulling them?

But someday later

Show them the fig

And you will say: “Figurines, for you

I won’t get married!”

If you and your friends are together

Have fun in the yard

And in the morning they put it on you

Your new coat,

You shouldn't crawl in puddles

And roll on the ground

And climb fences

Hanging from nails.

So as not to spoil or stain

Your new coat,

We need to make it old.

This is done like this:

Get right into the puddle

Roll on the ground

And a little on the fence

Hang on nails.

Very soon it will become old

Your new coat,

Now you can calmly

Have fun in the yard.

You can safely crawl in puddles

And roll on the ground

And climb fences

Hanging from nails.

If you're down the hall

Ride your bike

And towards you from the bathroom

Dad went out for a walk

Don't turn into the kitchen

There is a solid refrigerator in the kitchen.

Better brake like dad.

Dad is soft. He will forgive.

If you are united forever,

Illuminated and lead,

Don't try to dodge

From movement to celebration.

Still will raise to work

And it will inspire you to heroism

You are great and mighty,

And our reliable stronghold.

The main business of your life

Any trifle can become a problem.

You just have to firmly believe

There is no more important matter.

And then it won't hurt

You are neither cold nor hot,

Choking with delight,

Do nonsense.

Hit frogs with sticks.

This is very interesting.

Tear off the wings of flies,

Let them run on foot.

Exercise daily

And a happy day will come -

you to some kingdom

They will be accepted as the chief executioner.

Girls should never be

Not to be noticed anywhere.

And don't give them a pass

Nowhere and never.

They need to put their feet up

Scare from around the corner

So that they immediately understand:

You don't care about them.

I met a girl - quickly

Stick your tongue out.

Let her not think

That you're in love with her.

Starting a fight with dad

Starting a fight with mom,

Try to surrender to your mother, -

Dad takes no prisoners.

By the way, find out from your mother,

Has she forgotten?

Beat prisoners on the butt with a belt

Prohibited by the Red Cross.

If you are the whole world of violence

Are you going to destroy

And at the same time you dream of becoming

Everything without being anything

Feel free to follow us

Along the paved road,

We will give you this path

We might even give in.

Don't settle for anything

With no one and never

And those who agree with you

Call them cowardly.

For this everyone will start you

Love and respect.

And you will have it everywhere

Full of friends.

If there are cockroaches in the kitchen

Marching around the table

And the mice are happy

There's a practice fight on the floor,

So it's time for you to go

Stop fighting for peace

And give up all your strength

To fight for purity.

If you are going to a friend

TIPS FOR NOSTOBIENT CHILDREN.

If the whole family goes swimming
You went to the river
Don't bother mom and dad
Sunbathe on the shore.
Don't start a scream
Give the adults a break.
Without pestering anyone,
Try to drown.

If a friend's birthday
I invited you to my place,
You leave the gift at home -
It will come in handy yourself.
Try to sit next to the cake.
Don't engage in conversations.
You're talking
Eat half as much candy.
Choose smaller pieces
To swallow faster.
Don't grab the salad with your hands
You can scoop up more with a spoon.
If they suddenly give you nuts,
Place them carefully in your pocket,
But don't hide the jam there -
It will be difficult to remove.

Never stupid questions
Don't ask yourself
Or even more stupid
You will find the answer to them.
If the questions are stupid
Appeared in my head
Ask them straight away to adults.
Let their brains crack.

If you and your friends are together
Have fun in the yard
And in the morning they put it on you
Your new coat,
You shouldn't crawl in puddles
And roll on the ground
And climb fences
Hanging from nails.
So as not to spoil or stain
Your new coat,
We need to make it old.
This is done like this:
Get right into the puddle
Roll on the ground
And a little on the fence
Hang on nails.
Very soon it will become old
Your new coat,
Now you can calmly
Have fun in the yard.
You can safely crawl in puddles
And roll on the ground
And climb fences
Hanging from nails.

If you are the whole world of violence
Are you going to destroy
And at the same time you dream of becoming
Everything without being anything
Feel free to follow us
Along the paved road,
We will give you this path
We might even give in.

If you came to see your friends,
Don't say hello to anyone.
Words: "please", "thank you"
Don't tell anyone.
Turn away and ask questions
Don't answer anyone's questions.
And then no one will say
About you, that you are a talker.

If anything happened
And no one is to blame
Don't go there or else
You will be to blame.
Hide somewhere on the side.
And then go home.
And about the fact that I saw this,
Don't tell anyone.

For example, in your pocket
It turned out to be a handful of sweets,
And they came towards you
Your true friends.
Don't be afraid and don't hide,
Don't rush to run away
Don't shove all the candy
Along with candy wrappers in your mouth.
Approach them calmly
Without saying unnecessary words,
Quickly taking it out of his pocket,
Give them... your palm.
Shake their hands firmly,
Say goodbye slowly
And, turning the first corner,
Rush home quickly.
To eat candy at home,
Get under the bed
Because there, of course,
You won't meet anyone.

Take thick cherry juice
And my mother's white cloak.
Gently pour the juice onto the cloak -
You will get a stain.
Now, so that there is no stain
On my mother's cloak,
The entire cloak must be put in
Into thick cherry juice.

Take your mother's cherry raincoat
And a mug of milk.
Pour the milk carefully -
A stain will appear.
Now, so that there is no stain
On my mother's cloak,
The entire cloak must be put in
In a saucepan with milk.

Take thick cherry juice
And my mother's white cloak.
Lay carefully...

If you broke a window,
Don't rush to admit it.
Wait, won't it start?
Suddenly there is a civil war.
The artillery will strike
Glass will fly out everywhere
And no one will scold
For a broken window.

If mom is in the store
I just bought you a ball
And he doesn't want the rest
Buy everything he sees,
Stand straight, heels together,
Place your arms to the sides,
Open your mouth wider
And shout the letter "A"!
And when, dropping the bags,
With a cry: "Citizens! Alarm!"
Buyers will rush
Led by sellers
The store director is here to see you
He will crawl up and tell his mother: “Take everything for free,
Let him just shut up."

If you decided in the morning
Behave well
Feel free to go into the closet
And dive into the darkness.
There's no mom or dad there,
Only daddy's pants.
No one will shout loudly there:
"Stop it! Don't you dare! Don't touch it!"
It will be much easier there
Without disturbing anyone,
Behave all day long
And lead decently.

If to dad or mom
The adult aunt came
And someone important leads
And a serious conversation
Need from behind unnoticed
sneak up on her and then
Shout loudly in your ear:
- Stop! Give up! Hands up!
And when aunty gets off the chair
He'll fall out of fright
And he'll spill it on his dress
Tea, compote or jelly,
It's probably very loud
Mom will laugh
And, proud of my child,
Dad will shake your hand.
Dad will take you by the shoulder
And it will lead somewhere.
It'll probably be there for a very long time
Dad will praise you.

If you are called to dinner,
Hide proudly under the sofa
And lie there quietly,
So that they don’t find you right away.
And when from under the sofa
They will drag you by the legs,
Break out and bite
Don't give up without a fight.
If they do get you
And they will seat you at the table,
Knock back the cup
Pour the soup on the floor.
Cover your mouth with your hands
Fall down from the chair.
And throw the cutlets up,
Let them stick to the ceiling.
In a month people will say
Sincerely about you:
- He looks thin and frail,
But the character is strong.

Children's bad advice. Harmful advice for obedient children from Grigory Oster

A book about delicious and healthy food cannibal