Darlings scold - are they just amusing themselves? When how - about everyday life and small disagreements, which over time turn into major misunderstandings, many boats of family happiness crashed. Claim after claim, insult after insult, quarrels become more frequent and become normal. Discontent is growing - and divorce is not far away. Therefore, we advise you to quarrel wisely - infrequently, briefly and correctly, not forgetting to make peace as quickly as possible. If you value marriage, of course.
How to make peace with your wife after a quarrel? There are several simple ways that will speed up the process of your reconciliation.
Of course, your behavior should be determined by the reason for the disagreement - after all, it’s one thing if you just had a fight over everyday matters, another if you had too much and behaved strangely, and a third if your wife discovered the fact of infidelity. In the first case, it will be enough to take the first step and apologize, in the second you will have to sweat longer, and in the third, any outcome is possible. And yet, to appease the spouse:
- Act immediately - go to peace as quickly as possible after the disagreement. It is especially important to do this if there is a compelling reason (like betrayal), and your girlfriends and mother will be able to “wind up” your wife. Before she had time to think about the situation, it was much easier to correct the situation.
- Ask for forgiveness - sincerely, honestly, looking into the eyes and not hoping that the wife will immediately change her anger to mercy.
- Tell your loved one about your feelings, admit that you are very ashamed. Even if you are both to blame, but the world is more important to you, repent - women love it.
- Don’t put pressure, don’t blackmail - your wife is not in the best mood anyway, so you shouldn’t put conditions on her (it’s not yet clear how this might turn out).
- Don’t look indifferent, impartial - if your spouse sees that after a quarrel you are behaving as if nothing had happened, this will further anger her.
- Confidentially with your wife's friends - perhaps they will tell you what your wife thinks about the situation and what she expects from you. The main disadvantages of this method are that, firstly, they may not tell you anything, and secondly, they will probably report you.
- Remove the main irritant that caused the quarrel - start keeping your promises, washing the dishes after yourself, stop blaming your wife for all mortal sins or drinking at friendly meetings, remove your mistress’s number from your phone and honestly spend your evenings at home.
How quickly the results of reconciliation will be depends on the cause of the quarrel, the nature of the spouse, and your actions. Even if the fortress does not fall for a long time, do not give up - everything has its time. When your wife sees that you have changed, are honest with her, sincerely repent and are ready to try for peace in the family, she will forgive you sooner or later. In the end, the dear ones scold - they amuse themselves in their own way.
How to make peace with your wife
Difficulties in relationships
How to make peace with your wife
Every relationship in the world, whether friendly or family, can be at risk of quarrel. After which we have to resolve the conflict and make peace, or leave. You must be able to predict controversial situations and try to avoid them. Therefore, we invite you to get acquainted with several tips on the topic: how to make peace with your wife after a quarrel.
Remember that respect is the key to success in any marriage. Simple help V daily affairs can show great respect for his wife. And it is very difficult for a woman to strictly judge someone who cares about her.
Don't forget about compliments too. They show a woman that she is still valued and loved. Compliments create a positive atmosphere and give a woman more confidence. Remember best compliment It is not pronounced in words, it is shown by your emotions. Learn to make surprised eyes and an amazed look. Any woman will appreciate this.
Talk to her. Spend enough time with her, talk to her, don’t be afraid to find out her opinion on a number of issues. Always remember that communication is a key part of any relationship, without it there will always be misunderstandings and quarrels. So take the time to talk to your wife. In any case, this will help you make the right decision.
Give her a gift. After an argument, you will often receive a cold shoulder. Your wife will refuse to sleep in the same bed or even in the same room with you. You will often have to eat alone. To overcome this barrier between you, you need to surprise your wife. Leave a bouquet of flowers with an apology on her bed or nightstand, or stop by her place of work with flowers and chocolates. Any girl will be pleased with this, even if she knows that you are buttering up.
Write her a letter. It is much easier to explain your feelings in a letter than to say them to your wife directly to her face. Explain to her that you are sincerely sorry and you want to make peace with her. Your wife will definitely be glad to receive such a letter, and this will help her forgive you more quickly. But there is no need to show your weakness. You apologize, but don't crawl at your feet.
Ask her out on a date. One of the most effective ways make peace with your wife - repeat your relationship from the very beginning. So try to win her over again and ask her out as if you just met the girl you fell in love with. Treat her like a princess and ask her to dance. This will allow good memories to surface and she will forgive you.
Whatever the reasons for the quarrel, if you use these tips, you can count on a quick reconciliation. Disputes often occur in families when both spouses stand on their own two feet. So quarreling is quite normal for any family. Remember, women do not want to think logically and look for the culprit of the quarrel. In any case, try to make peace first if your wife perceives this adequately. If she begins to be capricious and show her leading position, this is a reason to think about whether it is necessary to put up at all.
After you have already made peace, pay attention to what was the reason for your quarrel. If you can eliminate the irritating factor, then in the future you will not have to quarrel with your wife.
Dear readers! We will be very grateful if you share with us your life experiences or comments related to this topic.
This will help:
How to Improve Relationships: The Ultimate Guide
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Price: Paid version
Imagine that you woke up early in the morning and your woman has already prepared breakfast for you. Joy is visible in her eyes, she is happy that she lives with the best man in the world. She is ready to listen to all your stories, she is ready to support you in any situation. She knows that a man needs to relax, she is ready to give you her tenderness and love. This is what your relationship can be if you are strong. We can teach you this!
Every relationship sooner or later reaches a dead end when only one option is visible - to break up. And it depends only on the man’s competent actions whether he can maintain the relationship, or whether he will have to let his woman go. The problem with many men is that they do not know how to behave in order for a woman to be satisfied with them. And in this book we will teach men how to behave so that relationships never deteriorate.
The situation when a woman has completely lost respect for her man seems no less difficult. No understanding, no sympathy, no sex and affection. There are only reproaches and complaints that she got involved with a loser who is worth nothing.
Many may think that all women behave this way. That such behavior cannot be avoided after being married for 5-10 years, but this is not true! It all depends on the man’s position: how he will place himself in a relationship and how he will behave with a woman.
If a man can show his strength, a woman will begin to respect, appreciate and love him. And this is the main path to stable and happy relationship. And every man can achieve this, regardless of his appearance, income level and physical fitness.
Still from the film “Deep Sleep”
You don't know how to choose words if you really strongly offended her?
We will try to tell you in as much detail as possible about how best to do this, creating a kind of universal apology formula.
However, first you should familiarize yourself with the most important rule: You should ask for forgiveness only when you really consider yourself guilty, and this is sincere.
If this is your case, then let's go.
1. Take a break and calm down
Don’t rush to apologize; restoring a trusting relationship is a serious matter. Give yourself permission first.
All people make mistakes and at least once in their lives say offensive things in the heat of a quarrel, do something that they later bitterly regret.
2. Realize and admit your role in the quarrel
Try to dissect the situation, break it down into its components. Try not to lie to yourself and understand why it happened the way it happened, what is the real reason for your actions (outbursts of anger, betrayal, drunkenness).
In the process, you can come to very different and sometimes unexpected conclusions. The fact is that people often apologize “automatically” because “that’s how it’s done.” But in fact, the quarrel was a symptom that you should discuss and, perhaps, even take a temporary time out from the relationship.
If you have analyzed what happened, figured out the reasons for your behavior, felt guilty and realized that you are ripe for an apology - think over your speech in advance (abstractly), you can even throw your thoughts on paper.
3. Choose the right time and place
Make sure there are no distractions. If you can’t talk calmly at home, you should call your spouse to a cafe and talk there over a cup of tea.
If you do this in the wrong place, the conversation may be interrupted, and you may never return to it, ending in mid-sentence (which risks harboring grievances).
4. Prepare a refreshing drink
If you do decide to talk at home, make a simple refreshing drink for both of you - lemon water or green tea.
You can prepare a delicious treat in advance, for example, bake gingerbread cookies. The main thing here is not to overdo it. Alcohol, full meals, and cakes are inappropriate in these circumstances and will clearly be unnecessary.
5. Forget about pride
This is not the best approach to anything. If you find it so unbearably difficult to apologize and admit your own mistakes, you may have problems with self-esteem. In this case, first you should work on yourself, read specialized literature, or perhaps go to a psychologist for a couple of sessions.
6. Try to be as honest as possible.
Without this point, it is unlikely that it will be possible to truly improve relations; any insincerity is always felt, especially by a close person.
Even if the apology is formally accepted, most likely, inside it will be overshadowed by the feeling that you were not completely frank.
7. Accept responsibility and apologize.
No one is responsible for your behavior except yourself. It doesn’t matter how bad things are going at work, whether you had a headache, or who “provoked” you and for how long. You obviously shouldn't have done what you did and circumstances had nothing to do with it.
Try to say in your own words that you were very wrong and you repent of it. Say that you understand that apologies in themselves don’t mean anything, but you will try not to be unfounded and back them up with actions.
8. Tell us about the changes that have occurred in you
It will be great if you tell me what has changed in you, what experience you have gained. Perhaps you realized or felt something?
Still from the movie "Jerry Maguire"
9. Listen to your wife with an open heart.
After your monologue, it’s her turn, and there may be two most likely scenarios. The first - the beloved will also open up, talk about her feelings, resentment, fears, pain and concerns. Listen and don’t interrupt, try to understand her feelings.
The second scenario is similar to the first, but more emotional. Be prepared for a wave of criticism and accusations to hit you after your apology. In this case, if you are serious about making peace, be patient. Don't argue, don't downplay guilt, admit your real mistakes. Try to move the conversation in a constructive direction. If this is difficult, you can respond with a slight delay so as not to accidentally say something offensive. Here it is important not to adopt negative emotions and pay attention exclusively to the feelings of your spouse - pain, fear and resentment.
10. Validate your wife’s feelings and don’t invalidate them.
It is very important to learn to recognize the feelings of another - this does not mean giving up your position and agreeing with your partner in everything. You can still disagree, but at the same time acknowledge that her feelings and reaction to what happened are real, and you don’t doubt them. Agree, it’s not up to you to decide how exactly she should have been upset (or not upset) because of your action.
“When we quarreled and I went to see friends in the middle of the night, you felt abandoned and unwanted. I understand that it was very offensive and difficult.”
You are not saying that your reaction was wrong, but you are acknowledging the reality of your spouse, showing that you heard her and understand how scared and hurt she was.
Still from the movie "Pretty Little Liars"
11. Be prepared that forgiveness will take time.
Under no circumstances insist on immediately resuming communication, even if your apology has been accepted. If your wife says that she needs time to come to her senses, be patient and do as you are asked.
Show understanding and respect for her feelings. A person who has been offended most often feels depressed and disenfranchised. The ability to “push aside” the aggressor and establish your own rules means regaining control over the situation.
You must be prepared for the fact that even after your confidential conversation, your partner will want to be alone. Everyone has their own pace of healing wounds; restoring warm and trusting relationships can take days, weeks, months (what’s up, sometimes even years, depending on the situation).
12. Back up your words with actions.
Think again about your mistakes and try to ensure that what happened does not happen again. This is a very important point, so take it seriously. If necessary, you can seek qualified help.
If the mistake is repeated, your beloved will stop believing your apologies and will always expect a repeated “attack” from you in the future.
13. Don’t be afraid to say the magic phrase “I love you”
People in healthy relationships do not stop loving each other even after very big fights. Yes, it can be difficult to find the strength to say “I love you” after you have had a fight and seriously offended someone. The reason for this is a feeling of guilt and the feeling that after what happened they simply won’t believe you (and will laugh in your face).
But if you say these words even immediately after what happened, you will see that both you and her will immediately feel better. Don’t delay with this magic phrase, otherwise you may simply regret it later.
Saying “I love you” after an argument means reminding each other that, despite what happened, your deep affection is still there.
But if for some reason saying these words is too difficult and not possible, try.
Just don’t violate a person’s boundaries under any circumstances, don’t touch without permission, don’t hug or kiss forcibly. It is absolutely normal in such a situation to delicately ask your wife for a hug, since you have not yet established a close relationship with her.
14. Do something nice for your loved one
When a person is very offended, and you understand that an apology and a confidential conversation were still not enough, perhaps you should please him with something.
But we are not talking about a bouquet of roses and a huge teddy bear.
Remember, compensation for grievances with gifts is the weakest and most unreliable of all possible (although the most popular). And not because gifts are bad, but because they involve mostly monetary investments and minimal emotional involvement.
During quarrels, it is she who suffers first of all, so it is she who needs to be “fixed”. For this purpose, care and joint activities.
We also strongly do not recommend giving your wife surprises; it is better to ask her quite openly: “I feel very guilty. I want to please you in order to at least make up for my guilt a little. What can I do for you?
It is important to be ready to fulfill her request, otherwise you will only make things worse.
It is best to immediately offer some option (or even several). “Let me cook you your favorite dish?”, “How about we spend the evening together and go to your favorite restaurant?”, “Do you want me to buy us theater tickets?”
What you absolutely CAN NOT do
1. Hush up a quarrel (even a minor one)
All conflicts have a cumulative effect. In addition, over time, the details are forgotten, only feelings remain: betrayal, mistrust, dissatisfaction, sadness, loneliness.
Learn to discuss everything, even the smallest misunderstandings, immediately after they occur - in a calm atmosphere, without shouting or insults.
2. Talk if anger and irritation have not yet subsided
As we already said, you need to give yourself time to cool down. It's normal to talk about what happened after a while. If emotions get the better of you, there is a risk of only aggravating the situation and taking the quarrel to a new level (even more difficult, of course).
3. Trying to settle conflicts with sex
A very insidious method that looks beautiful only in the movies, but in reality it only makes things worse. Firstly, this method leaves the problem at the same point, the partner’s resentment does not disappear, and understatement will corrode your relationship for a long time. And secondly, to become a less pleasant activity, causing associations with quarrels, resentments and negative emotions.
4. Engage in “settling of scores”
You need to forget about the phrase “I agree, I was wrong, but you too...” once and for all.
Pointing out your partner’s shortcomings, and at the same time listing everything that brings (or has brought) discomfort for a long time in order to look better against her background, is an extremely unsuccessful technique.
You can and even need to express your dissatisfaction, but at the right time. It is worth learning to discuss problems in everyday life as they arise, without conflict and in a polite manner. Now is not the time to remember past grievances.
5. Gnawing yourself (long and painfully)
Admitting that you were wrong - yes, getting carried away and thinking only about it - no. Internal torment can play a cruel joke on you.
Firstly, you may feel that you have already “suffered” enough, so there is no need to apologize (in fact, no).
Secondly, during torment, anger and irritation can flare up with renewed vigor, and the conflict will resume.
Thirdly, it often happens that the offender is so upset because of his incontinence that his partner has to console him: “Well, I’ll forgive you, it’s okay.”
In fact, this situation is manipulation in pure form. Of course, it is pleasant for the aggressor himself, but it has destructive power for relationships. Agree, it is the injured party who should receive consolation and compensation (and in this case it is not you).
The psychologist also commented on the burning topic and gave four tips on how to apologize correctly.
1. You only need to apologize once, without mentioning the situation, so as not to provoke a new conflict.
2. After an apology, it is better to leave your spouse alone for a while, let her digest everything, wait until she herself takes the initiative when she is ripe.
3. When you apologize, you don’t need to say, if you knew the deal, you would live in Sochi, or “How could I...”, because your wife may get the impression that you could have acted differently, but for some reason you didn’t .
4. And, of course, you only need to apologize when you really feel guilty, and this is sincere.
By the way, if your offense is of a milder nature, we previously listed apologizing to the girl.
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No matter how hard we try, quarrels and conflicts cannot be avoided. And the closer the points of contact, the more reasons to quarrel. And you need to be able to make peace with your wife.
They say, “darlings scold - they just amuse themselves”. However, it is far from uncommon for marriages to collapse as a result if you do not know how to reconcile.
How to prevent conflicts?
Don't let it get to the point where you have to put up with it.
Marriage is the most ambiguous and difficult relationship in your life. A wife is a person who is there during the ups and downs, who tried to turn a blind eye to your “mistakes” and encourage you.
Even if it has gotten to the point where you are considering divorce, all is not lost. Such thoughts occur to many people. But there is an opportunity to return relationships to the phase when they were full of romance, lightness and harmony.
What to do?
1. Learn her love language.
Has it ever happened to you that your wife asked you to remind her that you love her? Many women do this. And men are perplexed, isn’t it already clear?
She “reads” love by your actions and behavior. It's not enough for her to just know. What actions?
These could be gifts, tokens of attention like coffee in bed, even physical contact.
Watch your wife. Surely you can remember after what moments she was especially kind to you. Take note of this and do this more often.
2. Learn to apologize.
Of course, it is impossible to completely avoid unpleasant situations.
Try to find a compromise, make concessions, look at you as a team.
1. Find out what's going on.
2. Give her time and space.
If, after several attempts to get her to discuss the problem, she continues to ignore you, back off.
If she's really hurt, it's likely she just needs time to move on. This is how the human psyche works. She first needs to overcome her inner anger. Or maybe she doesn’t want to say something out of emotion that she will later regret.
Give her freedom. Let her be alone, breathe out, and then she will start talking to you.
3. Speak frankly.
Most likely, there is a great temptation to try to “let everything go.”
There are two dangers here. Firstly, this can make your wife even more angry. She will think that her problems do not concern you, and you do not want to draw any conclusions from your behavior.
Secondly, even if she agrees to forget everything right away, the conflict itself will not actually be resolved.
If you really want to make peace with your wife, you need to find out all the details of the incident. Try to get her to talk, ask as many questions as possible, find out all the nuances.
This way you will show that you care and that you really care.
4. Share your vision.
After discussing the quarrel with her and listening to her side, offer to listen to your argument as well. If she wants to reconcile with you, she will be interested and interested in what you think about all this. She doesn't want this to happen again either.
You should be careful when doing this. Make sure you:
- don’t try to shield yourself or justify what you did;
- don't tell her that she gets upset over trifles;
- don’t blame her for being overly emotional;
- again do not incite a quarrel;
- you don't make excuses.
5. Start “fixing what’s broken.”
Once all the arguments have been heard, proceed to reconciliation. The first step is a sincere apology. Even if you think that you didn’t offend her intentionally.
Look her in the eye and tell her that you are truly sorry this happened.
Convince her that you understand the reason for her resentment. You understand why she's upset. Say that you repent and will try not to do this in the future.
If everything is done from the heart, the quarrel will remain a thing of the past.
6. Talk about the future.
Once you have realized that you have made up, it is time to talk about the future. If you have suggestions for her, such as how she could handle similar situations next time, tell her about them. If she agrees, it will be very good for both of you.
Couples who truly want to save their relationship try to solve problems rather than forget about them. And for this they learn to take responsibility for their actions and forgive each other.
What to do after?
It would seem that everything is resolved, the conflict is over. But how can we prevent a new conflict from breaking out?
You need to be as calm as possible. There is a possibility that while you are trying to calm your wife down, she will make various attempts to anger you. This doesn't mean she's doing it on purpose. She just made peace with you with her mind, but her emotions continue to rage.
The worst thing you can do is keep getting involved in fights and trying to win them.
You need to learn to restrain yourself when it comes to little things. Over time, this will become a habit.
The next time you ask yourself the question “How to make peace with your wife,” remember the rules that you read in my article.
Try to carefully follow each of them, do not rush into emotions. Calm down and let her express everything she has accumulated. Understand her arguments, draw conclusions and let her understand that you have realized everything and will try not to do so.
Draw your own conclusions, observe yourself and in the future do everything possible to prevent quarrels.
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Be sure to read these articles by Anton Glomozda:
Family life, like the flow of a river, is sometimes slow and calm, but after some time it can make a sharp turn and carry you to rapids, riffles, or a waterfall.
Throughout life together you may have many small disputes and quarrels. This is natural, since where the interests and worldviews of two people meet, a conflict may arise.
However, these minor problems cannot cause divorce unless they become permanent or a really major scandal occurs.
It should also be taken into account that you perceive many things differently. Your understanding of the situation may be the opposite in the woman's eyes. Most quarrels can arise due to your inattention and unwillingness to listen to your wife’s “stupid thoughts”.
After a conflict or major quarrel, you may hear that your wife is going to get a divorce. What to do in such a situation and how to behave?
- Establish the cause of the quarrel;
- Determine who is to blame for this conflict;
- Find ways to reconcile.
The number of reasons can be enormous. From the simplest insult to your behavior, to assault, or betrayal. Let us separately dwell on the most significant reasons and consider possible options conflict resolution.
Scandal
A quarrel or scandal can break out out of nowhere. But, this is just your point of view. On your wife's part, the reason for the scandal is justified. Try not to be led by anger and irritation, because in an impulse you can say a lot of unpleasant things.
Immediately after a quarrel, do not try to make peace; your wife and you need to calm down. Remember your loved one’s accusations against you and analyze them.
Knowing the main reasons for the quarrel, it will be easier for you to answer the question of how to make peace with your wife if it comes to divorce. Plan your conversation and choose a time when you two can talk calmly.
You can choose neutral territory, especially if after a quarrel your significant other packed up and left. Listen carefully to the woman’s arguments without interrupting, and then tell her your vision of the situation. Apologize sincerely and say that you will try to improve. You can also give a small gift.
Heavy alcohol intoxication
A very ugly situation is committing any offenses while heavily intoxicated. Alcohol can turn a decent person into a beast.
By getting drunk to the point of losing your memory, you are no longer responsible for your actions, thereby you can destroy any relationship forever.
Let's consider two situations separately:
- One-time consumption of alcohol. When you wake up in your home in the morning, you may not fully understand the complexity of the situation. Get yourself in order and try to remember the events of last night. You could simply speak rudely to your wife and blame her. It is much worse if, while drinking, you pestered other girls, got into a fight, hit your wife, or used force on her. When starting a conversation in the morning, listen carefully to your woman and sincerely ask for forgiveness. Even if they don’t want to talk to you, apologize for your behavior and promise that it won’t happen again.
- Systemic intake of alcohol. Your lifestyle constantly puts your wife under stress. Systematic drunkenness is a disease that needs to be fought. If the situation does not change, then life together can be given up. Get rid of bad habit can be difficult. Break off relationships with friends and drinking buddies, try to see a psychologist and start working on yourself. If you value your family, change, get rid of bad habits.
Treason
This is a kind of betrayal. For many, this is the end of everything and a direct indication of divorce. Return past relationships It will be very difficult, almost impossible.
There are two situations and, accordingly, two models of behavior:
- My husband cheated. A lot may depend on your future behavior. The situation is not like a simple quarrel, and here you need to act quickly and correctly, before the woman files for divorce. Break off any relationships and ties with your mistress. Apologize sincerely and try to convey to your wife your feelings and thoughts when you realize what you have done. Don't try to put pressure on a woman and make her choose. Your words: “If you don’t come back, I will commit suicide,” or “If you can’t forgive me, leave” will only make the situation worse. Try to talk to her parents and friends, admitting your guilt and telling how bad and lonely you feel without her. If you have achieved annulment of the divorce, then try your best free time spend with your wife, removing suspicions from yourself. Be prepared that your betrayal will more than once be her argument in your disputes.
- My wife cheated. First ask yourself if you are ready to forgive and forget the betrayal of your loved one. Talk to your significant other and say that you can forgive and not remember the betrayal if it comes back. If such arguments are not convincing, and you still hope to return her, then be patient and do not rush into all seriousness. Appearing at your place new girl It will only show that you are also fine without your “ex”.
Assault
You hit her. It doesn’t matter how it happened, as a result of a major quarrel, on the basis of betrayal, or due to alcohol intoxication. With your own hands you destroyed the image of the protector that the woman saw in you.
Try to sincerely apologize, promise to improve, and never raise your hand to her again. Repeated assault will completely destroy everything.
Summing up
Answering the question of how to make peace with your wife if it comes to divorce, you can highlight several key points. Try not to get angry when talking with your spouse, turning them into another argument.
The matter is heading towards divorce and, if you have a child, then your argument may be the desire to preserve a full-fledged family. If a woman has filed for divorce, offer to postpone the final decision and give you time to correct the situation.
