Our experts are unanimous: at any age, you cannot deprive a child of a miracle. Faith in it, sometimes irrational, allows even adults to overcome difficult obstacles and solve problems. Tasks that seem impossible to those who do not believe in miracles.
Many experts, including Eric Berne, are convinced that the role of the inner child in the life of an adult is difficult to overestimate.
In fact, society regularly puts us in this position - when we become a young specialist in a company or receive a new social role (for example, a son-in-law or daughter-in-law).
In such situations, a childhood filled with faith in miracles helps to survive stressful moments and adapt as easily as possible.
“Up to a certain age, a child lives in a specific magical world of fantasy and creativity,” says psychologist and physical therapist Dmitry Berger. - The simplest and most logical conversation about Santa Claus can be structured like this: you, as an adult, take on the role of Santa Claus and explain to the child that he is unconditionally loved and will definitely receive his share of the fairy tale and touch the miracle.
Our life is a fragile and beautiful miracle, and there is no sadder sight than adults in whom the light of a happy and bright child has gone out
At the same time, in order to please Grandfather Frost, it is advisable to be among those children who study diligently, collect toys, eat carefully, and so on.
That is, you are not deceiving the child: in fact, you act as Santa Claus and recommend on his behalf exactly what you need. And you yourself give gifts to the child if he fulfills your wishes.
To some extent, you are establishing a dialogue between the child and the world of magic. In the future, this will allow the child to retain the feeling of touching a miracle.
This will help you carry part of your childhood throughout your life, which is very important.
Our life is a fragile and beautiful miracle, and there is no sadder sight than adults in whom the light of a happy and bright child has gone out.”
“Why did you have doubts?”
“Young children usually believe what their parents say without any critical thought or analysis.
That is why a child under 4-5 years old will most likely not even ask this question, says child and family psychologist Ekaterina Kes. “If you have read books about Santa Claus to him since childhood, watched cartoons and told him that it is Father Frost who puts gifts under the tree or personally distributes them when he comes to visit, it will not even occur to your child that Father Frost may not exist.” .
But closer to 5 years, a child may have vague doubts - is it true that the winter wizard really exists? A child can either figure this out on his own or hear from someone that “there is no Santa Claus.”
In such a situation, Ekaterina Kes does not advise parents to answer unambiguously the questions of a doubting child.
It is better to reflect and explore this topic with him, asking open-ended questions, for example:
- What do you think?
- It seems like you believed in him before?
- Have you now begun to doubt that he really exists?
- Why did you have doubts?
- Would you like Santa Claus to exist?
Such questions will help you better understand your child, find out where his doubts came from and what he himself thinks about this.
This form of dialogue with your child is preferable regardless of the topics you discuss. By asking questions, you do not give ready-made answers, but think with him, help him formulate his thoughts, and encourage him to think.
However, you can learn a lot about your child if you listen carefully.
“Many children and adults believe in him, and I still believe in him.”
“It is not very correct to unequivocally convince a child that Santa Claus exists - if a child asks about it, it means he already feels that it is not true,” continues Ekaterina Kes. - And yet, just taking it and saying: “There is no Santa Claus, these are all actors in disguise who work for money” is also not an option. It means destroying the magic in one fell swoop and taking away a child’s dream.”
Children really really want to believe in fairy tales and magic.
A child psychologist advises the following phrase: “You know, I can’t say for sure whether Santa Claus exists or not. Many children and even adults believe in him, and I still believe in him too. I have never seen him myself, but I have heard a lot about him.
I believe that there is the most important Santa Claus, who lives far, far away in the North and is helped by many of his assistants. It is these helpers who come to children. You know, there are such magical things that if you believe in them, then they exist, and if you don’t believe in them, then they don’t exist.”
You do not deceive the child and do not tell obvious lies, and at the same time you leave him hope and the opportunity to believe in what he himself wants to believe.
And children really really want to believe in fairy tales and magic.
What else can you say?
Psychologist and art therapist Ekaterina Antyufyeva advises three more answer options depending on age.
“Of course, Santa Claus exists!” (3-5 years)
Belief in a fairy tale is one of the resource states of childhood. It is important for children to believe that in life there is a place for magic, celebration, unexpected surprises and wishes come true. However, not only for children, right?
Memories of the anticipation of a miracle and the atmosphere family holiday many years later they will resonate in the soul with warmth and gratitude.
“Santa Claus is a miracle, and miracles happen to those who believe in them” (5-7 years)
Watch a film about Lapland with your child or visit the Russian residence of Father Frost. Write him a letter (there is such a service), your baby will be glad to receive an answer in a beautiful envelope.
Tell us that Santa Claus really needs helpers, so he asks other people to help him organize a holiday, and they put on costumes, congratulate the children and give gifts.
This will save your child from disappointment when he notices, for example, that Santa Claus is in kindergarten speaks in the voice of a teacher.
“Each of us is a little bit of a wizard, remember?” (8-10 years)
At this age, a child can be told that Santa Claus exists, but exists as an image, like good fairy tale, as a wonderful tradition to create a holiday and give joy to others.
Santa Claus exists!
Of course, we are all accustomed to the fact that Santa Claus is a fairy-tale creature, and he cannot possibly be a person. That's how it is. Let's figure it out.
I think each of you has had to visit Santa Claus at least once in your life (at a matinee or at home for your children). And I am 100% sure that when you put on a red “fur coat” and hat, and even more so when giving a gift, for a second you get the impression that you are the real Santa Claus. It would seem, where does a second touch of a fairy tale come from when giving a gift?!
And the answer is simple. Santa Claus exists. He is a spirit, and each person can “let in” this gracious spirit into himself, having the desire to bring joy to another person.
Let's turn to Orthodoxy. I think you have heard about the term “eternal life” or “come to my grave and talk to me as if I were alive.” Let me remind you that this is what Matryona of Moscow and Seraphim of Sarov said. The fact is that by dying in the body, the saints acquire eternal life, that is, they exchange the physical shell for a spiritual one. This way they can help many people at the same time. The main thing is to believe in them and turn to them.
Who was the first Santa Claus 
Here is the image of St. Nicholas of Myra (Nicholas the Wonderworker). A long time ago he helped the family. In this family
there were 3 marriageable daughters, but there was no dowry. Because of this, daughters could be sold into slavery. But St. Nicholas threw 3 bags of gold into their house to help them. By the way, Saint Nicholas was no less than a bishop.
Perhaps this was the reason for giving gifts unnoticed for the New Year. 
And the name of our “Father Frost” in no way reminds us of St. Nicholas most likely because of the Soviet government, which fought against Orthodoxy.
Who lives in Veliky Ustyug?
The main Father Frost among people lives in Veliky Ustyug, but you and I already know that.
Does Santa Claus exist? Does he really reach people?
Of course he comes. In the form of a spirit that helps people give gifts, break away from the bustle of the world and lift their spirits! And the main thing is to give children a feeling of pure and kindness!
Gestalt therapist Svetlana Panina reveals the secrets of how to talk to a child about Santa Claus so that he does not consider his parents to be liars
The fairy-tale character Santa Claus is not such a grandfather. It appeared in the lives of Ukrainians during the Soviet Union. The then government decided that St. Nicholas, who is a religious hero, had no place in the USSR, so they decided to create their own character.
Consequently, since the 1930s, Father Frost appeared at all performances in kindergartens, schools and the streets of cities and villages. Of course, he brought gifts to everyone, usually sweets, and his granddaughter Snegurochka and the boy who was actually the New Year helped distribute them. In those days, they even created special bureaus where you could call Santa Claus home so that he would bring pre-agreed gifts to the children.
The man in a red fur coat down to his toes was loved by everyone and is firmly entrenched today. Every year, children across the country wait for gifts under the tree to magically appear, and hope to catch Santa Claus climbing through a chimney, window or balcony to place the expected presents.
What to do when a child understands that Santa Claus was his parents and asks about him directly, said Gestalt therapist, family psychologist and mother of three children Svetlana Panina.
The child believes in Santa Claus, but we are silent. Are we on time?
Santa Claus is a folklore character who appears long before the child acquires skills critical thinking. This character enters his life at a time when the world around him seems fabulous. Usually this is a period of up to three years. The child does not remember at all how his parents talked about him. He only listens to the fairy tales that his parents read at night, and the fictional characters they have are stored in his memory.
So, if you stop reading fairy tales and, say, switch your child to a tablet, then he may fall out of the culture and not learn anything about Santa Claus. However, in most cases this does not happen, and the child remains within the framework of his culture.
Until the age of five, a child lives in a fairy-tale world and believes that enchantment exists, so there is no reason to blame yourself for lying to him. And in the end, I have rarely heard of parents intentionally informing their children that Santa Claus exists. They don't do that.
The child begins to suspect that Santa Claus was invented
When a child begins to ask questions about whether Santa Claus even exists, it is important not to do all the work for him by giving the answer. He must do this without anyone's help. It is better for the child to come to the conclusion that Santa Claus is still a fiction. Revealing this secret is an important stage in a child’s growing up. He must independently move from the fairy-tale world to the real world.
Children are not such fools as they seem to be. They want the miracle to continue to happen, although they already understand that Santa Claus does not exist. However, they force parents to give the second part of the gift. After all, “Santa Claus brought these gifts. What will you, parents, give me?” And then mom and dad have to get out.
A child asks if Santa Claus exists. Life hack on how to answer a question correctly
At the moment when a child asks such questions, parents usually fall into a stupor, not knowing how to correctly convey the truth. There are several ways to do this.
Method 1
You can raise the “white flag” and tell it like it is. It is worth explaining to the child that they had no intention of lying and were simply maintaining faith in a miracle.
But here you need to understand that children do not always want to hear this truth: in fact, they are more interested in how their parents treat them. Therefore, it is worth explaining that you, the parents, consider him an adult who is able to understand everything himself. Ask the child what he himself thinks about this, but do not deliberately lead him to the truth.
Method 2
Another way to respond is to say nothing. Parents should, so to speak, “freeze”, saying that Santa Claus brings gifts only to those who believe in him. So the child himself will analyze and pave the way to the correct answer.
Method 3
The universal and best answer is to discuss this topic with your child. You need to ask what he thinks and feels about this. If your child insists that Santa Claus exists, share his belief. If he says that there is no Santa Claus, ask why he thinks so. Don't answer either yes or no. If the child nevertheless understands that this character is just a fiction and gets upset, support him and explain if you are also offended and offer to become Santa Claus’s assistant in relation to the younger children.
Psychologist's experience
Personally, I got out this way. My 12 year old daughter received two gifts: one from Santa Claus and the other from me. I handed her a magic wand and said: “12 years old is the age when you can already give gifts to other people. Santa Claus comes to children, and at 12 years old a person is already an adult.” So I explained to her that Santa Claus is not a person, but simply a spirit inside her that inspires her to give gifts to others.
If the child is ready to accept this truth, tell him about it and support him, because this is what children come to their parents for.
The child was offended by his parents for “lying” about Santa Claus. What does this mean?
If a child is offended by his parents because they hid the truth and that Santa Claus does not exist, the problem is actually not only that. This reaction is a manifestation of disrupted communication between the child and his parents.
In this case, parents should talk with their children in order to better understand them and prevent such cases. Parents should ask how their child feels about the holiday, and also involve them in the process of preparing for it.
For example, there is a wonderful tradition of writing letters to Santa Claus and St. Nicholas. Invite your child to write it, but give him room for creativity. Get rid of all the rules: let him scribble and write outside the ruler. The main thing is that the parents are nearby at this very moment.
This letter can be taken to the post office together, allowing the child to throw it into the mailbox with his own hands. You can also prepare gifts together for other family members or make decorations for the Christmas tree and home together. This interaction between children and parents makes the child feel loved and supported.
Why the moment of magic is important in a child’s life, and decommunization of Santa Claus is a bad idea
Whether we like it or not, people need magic. Holidays in our culture are a demonstration that we have survived and we have the resources not only to continue to exist, but also to create comfort and a pleasant atmosphere around. With such “excess” we show the child that we can continue to survive, because once or even more a year the family can afford to celebrate. This is an element of social culture to which we involve the child.
I don’t know how the decommunization of Santa Claus will take place, and how new laws will be applied to him, but I think that everything should go on as usual. If humanity grows out of these fairy tales, then so be it. But deliberately removing Santa Claus from children's matinees in kindergartens and schools and from people's lives in general makes no sense. Everything you need will fall away on its own.
There may be another character in a child’s life, around whom a little mysticism and magic will revolve. There doesn’t have to be a Santa Claus, because a hundred years ago no one even knew about him.
If parents don’t want to “lie” about Santa Claus, they can come up with another character that suits their conscience. But the moment of magic must remain.
An atmosphere of mystery is important for every person. If we say that Santa Claus is a lie, then cinema, theater, and cartoons are also a lie. It is worth finding the line between magic and lies and getting positive emotions from such holidays.
Santa Claus does come once a year, so you shouldn’t get hung up on the fact that he’s just a fiction and just enjoy the family holiday.
Approaching New Year- a magical time of gifts, miracles and magic. Children write letters to Santa Claus at the beginning of December, listing their most, sometimes incredible, desires. Parents often find themselves puzzled by certain positions - where, you say, can I get a real magic wand?
Pre-New Year's time is the period when adults begin to wonder whether the fairy tale about Santa Claus is harmful to children. How to tell a child the truth about the New Year's wizard, what to do when he realizes that there is no wizard, and adults have simply been deceiving all this time? Psychologists are rushing to reassure worried parents: most likely there will be no need to debunk the myth, and the child will figure everything out on his own. And this is completely normal.
At a certain age, almost all of us believed in the existence of Santa Claus or. This belief was reinforced not only by the stories of the parents, but also by the environment as a whole - how can one not believe it when the New Year’s spirit is soaring everywhere.
Despite this, on average, by the age of 8, children begin to realize that their parents put gifts under the tree, and that Santa Claus is the same fairy-tale character as, for example, Baba Yaga. The process of realizing this fact occurs gradually: children notice that some things in real life impossible - so, delivering millions of gifts in one New Year's Eve You can only use magic. Kristen Dunfield of Concordia University explains that when children ask questions about how Frost does this, this indicates normal cognitive development in the child. Debunking the myth of Santa Claus by the child himself is an excellent task, in which the child learns to compare facts and find contradictions.
Parents who do not want to participate in the destruction of the fairy tale themselves, answering the child’s questions about Father Frost or Santa, can direct his thoughts in one direction or another. Some answers can only strengthen a child’s faith in miracles, while others can push him to debunk the myth.
By the way, anything can become that “accurate mistrust” - some children begin to suspect something when they notice that Santa Claus is wrapping gifts in gift paper from the IKEA store that you purchased over the weekend, while others simply find one from surprises in the closet.
In general, the results of a number of studies indicate that children quite easily accept the truth that Santa Claus does not exist. Parents who decide to talk about this have a much more difficult time. Acceptance of the truth occurs at the age when children begin to understand that the lie about Father Frost and Santa is not a deception, but simply a wonderful fairy tale.
