To feel needed and desired is a woman’s main need. For this reason, she is ready to play any games with a man: to be caring and indifferent, in love and cold, passionate and tender. But how to behave with your lover so that he is afraid of losing you?
Do not rush to open the doors of the cafe yourself, do not order tables or reserve rooms - let him feel like a gallant gentleman. Source: Flickr (Jose_Hdez._Brito_Follow)
How to behave with your lover: 5 golden rules
- Say no to possessiveness
This is how nature works: girls are sentimental. Those who vehemently deny this and do their best to create the image of a fatal temptress are doubly sentimental. As a rule, one hot night of love is enough for a woman to mentally start trying on a groom’s suit for her lover. As a joke, for the sake of curiosity, perhaps without even realizing it. This is where the first stumbling block is hidden: a woman wants certainty, a man wants freedom.
It is impossible to resolve this conflict of interests, but it is possible to smooth it out, and a woman must do this. How to behave correctly with your lover so that he is afraid of losing you? The correct answer is to respect his personal space and not be possessive. The only place where you can allow yourself to command them a little is the bed. Outside of it, it is better to restrain such impulses.
- Excessive effort leads to the opposite result
Relax. You don't have to go out of your way to present yourself at your best. He already likes you and that's enough. Baking pies, ironing shirts and reminding him for the hundredth time about the benefits of a hearty breakfast is his mother’s sacred duty. You are in the status of a mistress, and this is a completely different story. Your only task is to love yourself and allow him to do the same.
It is clear that the feeling of falling in love gives you impulses to do something nice. But find a different way than a three-course meal. Lovers, of course, also love to eat and your talents will be noted, but is anyone afraid of losing their cook?
- A man is the hunter, not the prey
How to behave with your lover based on this rule? How does game behave in the forest? Lives his own life and doesn’t jump out from behind every bush with the plea “Catch me, finally!” With a facial expression snow queen One should not reject proposals for a meeting one after another. But let him know that your life doesn't revolve around him. Work, friends, hobbies, family – you don’t have much free time. Set boundaries, and then he will want to break them.
Do not answer the call right away - you may be busy, do not agree to the time he offers - there are already plans for that evening. Let him adapt to you - after all, who needs more?
- The lady has the last word
It is generally accepted that a girl should fully share the interests of her young man. "Nonsense!" - say psychologists. Common interests – good basis for lasting relationships, but only if they are truly shared. Did your lover invite you to drink beer and watch football? Agree, but only if you like beer and support the national team. Otherwise, don't be afraid to say no. Indulging a man in everything is a bad tactic.
- A woman's strength is in her weakness
It’s a truism: a man loves a woman for how he feels around her. How to behave with your lover so that he is afraid of losing you? Psychology gives one more piece of advice: give the peacock the opportunity to spread its tail. Do not rush to open the doors of the cafe yourself, do not order tables or reserve rooms - let him feel like a gallant gentleman. Ask him for some small favor (the key word is small, hosting your aunt from Urengoy is clearly not from that opera), and then do not forget to sincerely thank him.
This is interesting! Scientists have found that people develop greater sympathy not for those who have done them a favor, but, on the contrary, for those whom they themselves have helped. The reason is physiological: when we are thanked, the body produces joy hormones (endorphins).
Behind the bedroom doors: how to drive your lover crazy?
Sex is the main weapon of lovers. But, like any weapon, it is fraught with many dangers, so you need to handle it correctly. By the way, behind the bedroom doors is a conventional expression. As sociological surveys show, the most popular meeting places for lovers are offices, hotels, apartments of close friends and car showrooms. This change of location in itself eliminates boredom in the sphere of intimate communication. But this is not enough to drive your lover crazy.
- Speak
Even the most seemingly self-confident men are afraid to lose face and disappoint their lady. An unsatisfied woman is a lover's worst nightmare, so don't let it come true. The banal phrase “It was amazing!” will certainly flatter him. Encouraged by your praise, he will try even harder next time.
To ensure that your praises are sincere, learn to voice your desires. Of course, it’s not worth issuing commands like a commander on the parade ground. Just gently guide your man in the right direction - in an excited state he is very pliable. A woman who knows what she wants in bed and is not afraid to say it out loud will be a real find for her lover.
- Be spontaneous
Too much preparation and overthinking of details usually ruins everything. Avoid the staged scenes depicted vividly in cheap women's magazines. Silk underwear and cream are generally incompatible things. Sparkling sex is what gives you the opportunity to enjoy your desire and intimacy.
This is interesting! How to surprise your lover? Dance a sensual dance - striptease. Just don’t get hung up on what and how to do – this is not a choreography exam. Move as your inner rhythm dictates.
- Explore hot spots
If you think that a man has only one erogenous zone, you are deeply mistaken. The stronger sex is no less sensitive than the weaker sex. To hit the bull’s eye, decide what type of worldview your lover belongs to. There are only 3 of them: auditory, visual and kinesthetic.
A pronounced auditory learner can be driven crazy by the mere sound of your voice. A gentle whisper about love - and it is yours. It’s more difficult with visuals: you’ll have to take extra care of yourself and choose your underwear. Pitch darkness is their enemy. Leave at least one dim source of light - a visual lover should see you and enjoy you. But the most sensual type is kinesthetic. How to satisfy this type of lover? Master various techniques massage and take care of oils.
Just before you get excited about learning how to behave with married lover, it would be better to think carefully: why do you need this very relationship?
First of all, there must be a reason, you need to decide for yourself what it is: passion, love, temporary infatuation. In any case, you need to understand how to behave with a married man so that he feels superiority and joy from meetings, even if you are only interested in status in society, it is a temporary option and can simply give something valuable.
Often people turn to a mistress not only for the sake of carnal pleasures, but also in order to fill life with the missing elements: affection, care, understanding, advice to mistresses will help to retain and win over any man.
It is important to adhere to those principles that are beneficial for both parties, even when a guy falls in love - it is not a fact that he is ready to say goodbye to his legal wife. The essence of relationships on the side is to satisfy the desires of the kept woman, who must clearly know how to behave with a married lover, and accordingly, please the married man.
If the relationship is temporary, uninteresting, without feelings, then you should not apply for a place new wife, it is better to be an ideal, before which they bow and want to fulfill all their whims, than to be forever exhausted by everyday life, tired with a heavy moral residue. The ideal mistress of a married man receives adoration, because she knows exactly how to behave correctly with a married man in order to please him.
Ideal image
Being the lady of a married man, you need to be able to stay in the shadows, understand that exposure can lead not only to the collapse of your relationship, but also provoke incredible problems that will leave a stigma for a long time.
Being a lover is a lot of work. You need to realize what responsibility is assigned, to know what the rules of being a married man’s mistress are. It may look funny, but, in fact, there are unwritten rules of behavior for a mistress that can win and conquer the heart of even the most callous, unapproachable macho.
Rules for an ideal lover:
- Be as simple-minded as possible, don’t interfere with whining and constant problems, complain less.
- Work on confidence, say every day: “I am the best, I will succeed,” psychologists have proven that people with high self-esteem are more drawn to.
- Passion and frankness help the male sex feel like in heaven; if he considers you a goddess in terms of sex, he will certainly want to come back again.
- Elegance, well-groomed, graceful. Few people will be interested in a young lady with a bun on her head, in a robe soaked in the aromas of food; they need thrills, a variety of feelings, a surge of emotions.
- It is most desirable to share not only a bed, but also views, values, provide support, be able to listen, and simply be a good friend.
- Why go to a place where there is constant dissatisfaction and statements? He just ran away from the house where his wife “drank the blood”, and here it is on you - to be continued. Be prudent, restrain yourself, even if it is extremely difficult, remember that you need to be a princess from a fairy tale, and not a grumpy witch.
- He must feel that no one loves him as much as you do. Completely ignore the fact of marital status.
- Don’t beg for anything, don’t reproach, don’t whine about how bad it is when he’s not there, let him be your ideal superhero, who always shows up on time and does everything perfectly.
Prohibitions
- The first and basic rule on which the further development of relationships will depend is the frequency of family discussions; believe me, negativity and unflattering statements will not lead to anything good. If you value a person, then you cannot condemn his choice, demand something, or speak in a raised voice. You should always listen, but it is better to refrain from an explosion of emotions, because the reaction can be the most unpredictable.
- It's no secret that relationships with married people are often done for the sake of profit, in fact, there is something in it... There must be some kind of compensation for patience, constant separation from another lady, listening to problems. Of course, it’s nice to accept and receive gifts, especially if they are expensive, but you need to carefully hide it, enjoy every little thing, so that a good desire arises to please more and more. Remember, no respecting gentleman will tolerate a capricious spender next to him.
- You can’t be a spineless mumbler, but you’ll also have to leave tantrums somewhere on the sidelines, be something in between. Turn your time together into a celebration. You shouldn’t waste rare meetings with quarrels, tears, showdowns, constantly pretending to be the victim, whining, in which case such “suffering” can easily, irrevocably end, don’t get on your nerves and don’t test the patience of others.
- Stop manipulating and instilling feelings of guilt, because this can push you to make a choice, which, by the way, may not be in your favor.
Forget about control, persecution, a person should not feel like a prisoner. - Men cannot stand fools, they try to get rid of their company as soon as possible, so throw the following things out of your head: sex is the most important thing, besides this, you need to engage in at least self-development. Don’t even try to restrain the child, if the plan works, the “happy” dad will feel like an idiot and hate you for this trick, such things must be agreed upon. Remain calm, adequate, do not make unexpected visits, do not engage in persecution or amateur activities.
- Nobody likes obsessiveness, and neither does arrogance. Show independence, do not shift your problems, troubles, concerns, do not ask for frequent help.
Kill the victim in yourself
It's good that we live in free time, where everyone sets their own rules, moral standards, and way of life. Is it generally worth starting a relationship with a person connected by family ties? – Yes, if you really want it, in the end, you need to listen to your heart, if it’s love, burning feelings, and maybe even mutual, then it’s probably worth taking a risk and taking active action.
The kept woman probably knows in advance what she is getting into, so in the future it is useless to create scenes of jealousy, press for pity, or put forward ultimatums. Everything is quite simple: the option is either suitable or it is not. Essentially, you are the one who invaded someone else’s life, so threatening, blackmailing, demanding is stupid. It is unlikely that you will feel compassion for a thief who has invaded your own territory and who is talking some kind of incomprehensible nonsense about how you offended him and owed him a lot.
Of course, you can put a final end to morality, show up at home, call (by any means to run into a conversation or meeting with your wife), throw a huge scandal, but this is tantamount to signing your own death warrant; after this, not only will passion go out, but and the cruel ending of the relationship will come. Rejoice in what you have: attention, affection, tenderness, gifts.
In fact - freedom, absence of constant moralizing and everyday life. Build your life in such a way that it suits you; if something goes wrong, it means that the wrong path was chosen, for which you should only blame yourself and try to improve. Understand that not everyone is ready to make drastic changes, to leave their family, this should be accepted, and not be overly dramatic about this.
The truth is extremely simple
guys (at any age) always go where they are loved and expected.
In this way, they are a little distracted and forget their daily difficulties. No matter how offensive or regrettable it may be, but a lover is needed for relaxation, demonstrate yourself in all your beauty, splendor, and certainly do not leave him indifferent.
Sometimes it is useful to show strength of character so that “Casanova” does not think that he is allowed to do a lot, because he will immediately begin to “wipe his feet” and interest will immediately dissipate. A lot of effort needs to be made to understand how to behave with a married man so that he is satisfied and complete idyll reigns.
Video
This is probably not difficult for anyone to imagine: you have been married for several years now - and it seems to be quite successful. Only now the wife has stopped kissing her husband before leaving for work. The question of whether to go on vacation with or without children has long disappeared. Jeans and sweaters have taken up residence in the closet and replaced low-necked dresses and elegant shirts. The spice that made your relationship so special is gone...
But few people can imagine what happens next: one day, plucking up the courage, you ask your spouse:
Would you like to go on a date with someone else?
Romance outside the family hearth
Each couple defines the concept of betrayal in their own way. For some, an erotic dream involving Pamela Anderson is already a terrible crime, while others are calm about periodic affairs on the side. In relative balance between these two extremes are representatives of the movement called “sex wife”. The sex wives themselves and their husbands believe that small horns greatly decorate their lives - provided that only men grow these horns.
Sex-wife in the literal sense is “a wife for sex,” theorizes Moscow artist Anton L. “In fact, this term refers to a woman who is not the property of her husband. She can go on dates, meet others... Because knowing that your wife is attractive not only to you is one of the most amazing feelings.
A date turns into intimate gatherings in a cafe. Joint walks ending with a classic candlelit dinner. Rare spouses, whose experience has exceeded ten years, dare to recreate the romantic atmosphere of the beginning of acquaintance. And, of course, it will be a certain trick on the part of both of them to start marriage games after so many years of marriage.
It all started when I accidentally crossed paths with my wife in a restaurant at a business dinner,” recalls Anton. - I saw her from the side - how she smiles, straightens her hair, holds a glass - and completely forgot that she was not on a date, but with colleagues. I forgot that we had been married for a long time, and was only thinking about how to attract her attention. And then she took a cigarette out of the pack, and three men immediately brought her a lighter. I was completely wedged, I went home and rushed around the apartment before she arrived. When she returned, I already understood what I needed... The rest of the night passed very stormy, as if we had returned ten years ago. And then I suggested that she purposefully go on a date with someone else.
Of course, the traditional family model does not provide for such relationships. And most wives will most likely begin to look for a hidden catch in such a proposal. But true sex wives and their husbands draw a clear line: cheating is everything that your other half doesn’t know about. That is, a date with the approval of your husband is a plus for the relationship, a secret meeting behind his back is a huge minus.
The first thoughts that came to me then: he probably stopped loving me,” recalls Yaroslava, Anton’s wife. “But it’s always better to discuss everything frankly than to just draw some pictures in your head.” With words and actions, he always made me understand that I was his only and most beloved. And this will just be an experiment that you might like... And we tried. At first it was somehow uneasy: it’s a strange feeling when a stranger takes you by the hand, and not your loved one and close person... But when I returned from the meeting and saw my husband’s excited look, all fears and complexes dissipated, only excitement and pleasure remained.
When leaving for the next meeting, the sex wife can be calm about her husband staying at home. The rules of the game allow only female “betrayal”. Such restrictions are explained very simply: the spouses only want to refresh the relationship, and not ruin it completely. In their opinion, the betrayal of a husband does not excite a woman at all, quite the opposite.
The feelings of my beloved were incomprehensible to me,” Yaroslava clarifies. - Why does he like it when another man flirts with his wife? What's the thrill in this and where is the jealousy? After a long conversation we decided that I needed to see him with another woman. We agreed to meet, and again there were a lot of emotions. Impatience, jealousy, fear... Maybe I agreed in vain? What if she turns out to be better? What if he stops appreciating me? I realized that this would definitely not bring me joy, and we decided to abandon such an experiment...
However, not all sex wives practice infidelity in the literal sense of the word. For most people, just flirting - light or not - is enough. This is exactly the case with Anton and Yaroslava. Sometimes Yaroslava, during a date, admitted to her gentlemen that her husband was watching them. Men reacted to this differently. Some lost all interest as soon as they realized that their affair would not last longer than this meeting. Others, on the contrary, tried to understand a difficult family situation. Still others, who were initially inclined to commit adultery with a married woman, considered the husband’s knowledge to be the highlight of the relationship.
Family psychologist Elena Vertinskaya comments:
A classic technique that spouses use is to create an element of novelty. - It could be role playing games, finding new places to have sex, including attracting a new partner, even if only emotionally. The husband’s logic in this case is as follows: this woman is attractive to others, they want her to belong to them, which means I chose the best. A woman whose circle of interests is not limited to her husband begins to take better care of herself, becomes more flirtatious, and likes herself more. In such a relationship model male jealousy can be constructive, but only if the husband always remains first for his wife. And this is a very dangerous game, because no one guarantees that after the date the wife will return to her husband. Although this can also add a kind of spice.
Household jealousy over everyday matters
Another form of sex-wife relationships is partner exchange. No, we are not talking about swingers and the like. It’s just that for some time, not your spouse, but another woman will reign in your kitchen. They say it forces you to pull yourself together - lying in family shorts in front of the TV will no longer be comfortable. And your wife is unlikely to want to appear in front of an unfamiliar man looking disheveled.
“Once my husband and I watched a film about a married couple,” says Ekaterina, a resident of the Moscow region. - There was a scene in it where the couple are sitting in front of the TV: the husband has holes in his socks and a bucket of popcorn on his stomach, and the wife is chattering on the phone and smearing creepy green paint on her face. cosmetic mask. At that moment, Seryozhka and I looked at each other at the same time - no, we didn’t have such horror as in the film, but the picture of our life today was very different from the one that was in the first year of marriage. I then walked around in delicious shorts, and not in washed-out pants, and Seryozha talked to me at dinner, and not to the TV.
The couple decided to look for ways to remove the “spell” that turned Ekaterina into a cook, and Sergei into an attachment to the sofa. A remedy was found, and a rather unusual one.
The idea to exchange spouses came along with the guests, recalls Sergei. “A university friend of mine, who has been stubbornly single for a long time, showed up to us. Katya put on her makeup for his arrival, dressed up and generally looked much better than usual. And when I started teasing her about this, my friend started making fun of me, like, I’ll be completely lazy without her. I said jokingly that I would “lend” Katya to him for a week, and she was not offended, on the contrary, her eyes sparkled, she was all flushed... As a result, my friend left and took my wife with him. And I myself collected her clothes, agreed on who and how would pick up the child from kindergarten, and got a thrill from the process itself - from what we were doing and that we were generally discussing such things.
It is assumed that the exchange of spouses in this game does not extend to the bedroom. But it is clear that controlling the process of a wife’s stay with another is very problematic. In addition, purely everyday difficulties remained.
The first time we agreed that I would leave for five days,” Ekaterina clarifies. - Seryozha was left alone, and since everything happened spontaneously, for the first time I left him for a long time without a pot of soup and a full refrigerator. On the first evening, he called me and asked how long it would take to cook the spaghetti, while I was doing the cooking myself. The culinary consultation turned into a description of what I was doing and what I was wearing... When Serezhkin’s friend approached me from behind, it was unexpected - and I automatically hung up the call.
By the end of the “rent” period, the spouses were no longer eager to exchange impressions. Over the course of five days, Ekaterina acquired the habit of changing clothes for meals and decided that it was absolutely not necessary to wash off her makeup immediately after coming home from work. Sergei realized that he liked his wife’s company much more than the TV show. A friend confirmed this, saying that he had a great life with Katya and was very sad about the end of the experiment. And having realized that Katya was very attractive to other men, he began to be much more attentive to himself - to keep in shape.
“We then tried an exchange and a couple for a couple,” continues Katya. - However, there is less intrigue in this, or something... It’s also interesting, but we don’t have time to miss each other, our attention is occupied by another person. When I’m with someone, I constantly think how it’s possible for Seryozhka to be alone, without me - and if he has another woman at the same time, I’m thrown from one extreme to another - either I’m terribly jealous, or I don’t worry about it at all.
Of course, such moves did not go unnoticed by other family members. We have to refer to frequent business trips. And when a colleague called Sergei with a detailed report on how his wife was shopping in a supermarket with a stranger, he replied that it was a relative who had arrived...
Of course, we don’t chat about our relationships left and right,” says Sergei. - For example, I lied to a child and will continue to lie. blue eye, that mom spends the day and night partying with her school friends, and is not staying with someone else’s uncle. If he grows up, he will understand - well done, he will ask - I will try to explain. If he doesn't understand, that's also not bad. I will always tell my mother-in-law with an honest face that Katyusha is on another business trip. The need to lie and get out is, perhaps, the main drawback of our relationship.
Elena Vertinskaya:
It is human nature to project our relationships onto other people. A man can imagine how everything would turn out if he married his first high school love, a woman fantasizes about marrying a classmate... Such an exchange of partners can actually either strengthen the spouses in what they have done right choice, or cause a serious blow to their relationship.
He loved her - and she loved to fly at night
One of the extremes of a sex-wife relationship is when the husband not only encourages his wife’s platonic dates, but also openly gives her the go-ahead to have sex with other men.
Everyone has their own reasons for taking such a step. Someone sees this as a latent form of humiliation and pleases the hidden masochist in himself, especially if his wife’s lover is a much more prominent man. Another, on the contrary, experiences an unprecedented surge of pride when he realizes that he can dispose of his wife as he wants, and even “substitute” her for another.
And still others - well, others are simply trying to revive the marriage. Any way, at any cost. Maybe it will help.
My wife Yana was an extremely temperamental woman,” recalls Muscovite Alexey Tishinsky. “She, of course, didn’t really stare at the guys or grab their asses, but I saw that she wasn’t averse to going to bed with them.” The first time she cheated on me was with a driving instructor - I was in the hospital, and she was taking courses. How did I understand? I know her. Then we talked for a very long time, and I decided that I could cope with her temperament. And I thought that I was coping while she was walking in secret from me.
But this secret constantly became apparent. Alexey suffered, but he could not part with his unfaithful wife - he loved her. And at some point he thought that if he himself allowed Yana to meet others, it would not hurt so much. Indeed, for some time it worked: jealousy was replaced by excitement, excuses and deceptions - by complete trust.
I thought that by transferring the betrayal to an “official” position, I would become closer to Yana,” says Alexey. “I thought it would bring us closer and set me apart from her other men.” In general, that’s how it was: it turned out that waiting for her after the meeting was the most exciting thing that could happen. Asking for details of their date... Then she began to take photographs and showed them to me... It was absolute trust - to such an extent that I could choose her partner myself and organize their meeting, and I liked it. Because I was more important to her than all of them, and this is as addictive as a drug.
This stage lasted several years, and gradually the flurry of emotions slowed down. Meetings between his wife and her lovers no longer worried Alexey. Just like the wife herself.
We ended up breaking up anyway,” he states. “But in any case, it was an amazing sensory experience.” And then there was only emptiness. When, instead of waiting for her at home, being jealous and rushing about, I re-read my favorite book and went to bed alone. It was such a contrast to what I had felt before - and we couldn't stand it.
Now Alexey is not married and tries to date only married women. Reverse side family habit, he jokes.
In my opinion, any sex-wife family is doomed to collapse,” concludes Tishinsky. - The point is that the intimate becomes public. There is nothing to store or protect. The role-playing moment disappears. Yes, it’s fun at first - a lot of trust, a lot of new impressions. But over time everything becomes simply indifferent. You don't care about your partner anymore. It just doesn't cause feelings of jealousy. You're already used to this feeling.
Elena Vertinskaya:
Spouses who begin such a dangerous game for their relationship should always put family first. If there are any problems in the family, they will definitely come up. Sex-wife is only an application to family sex between a husband and wife, at their mutual desire, when it is not a matter of choosing between a spouse and a lover. Otherwise, it’s just self-destruction, an attempt to delay the inevitable, when to return to old life It's already very difficult.
Material: Ksenia Konyukhova
Like everything in this world, the relationship between a woman and a man is born, lives and dies. And no matter how much we would like to change something, it is, unfortunately, impossible to change the natural course of things. But it is possible to extend their life and make the relationship bright, full of pleasant moments, warmth and care.
Any relationship has certain stages of development, however, relationships with a married man at each stage have their own specifics.
1. Getting to know each other.
The first meeting with a future lover can happen anywhere and anytime. Usually this is fairy tale story, filled with almost mystical events and signs of fate. Remember your feelings. Getting to know each other takes over both partners, thoughts about each other fill your entire head, when you meet, your heart jumps out of your chest and you want to fall through the ground, because it seems to you that you definitely don’t look the same, stand the wrong way, and say the wrong thing. Then you begin to “punch” information about HIM, age, gender, marital status. Having learned that he is married, you calm down for a while and forget about HIM.
2. First date.
Some time passes, you get to know each other better and, as often happens, fall head over heels in love. And HE, as luck would have it, shows signs of attention, emphasizes your merits, understands and supports you. You are fascinated by his intelligence, sense of humor, ability to present himself, but... he is married. So you fight with yourself until the first date. A first date can be any moment in your life, from walking you home or going on a joint business trip, to meeting you at the gym. Whatever it is, this is the day when everything happens. You admit that you care about Him and learn that these feelings are mutual.
3. “Candy-bouquet period.”
Everything is fine with you, you feel that life is getting better, that you have a beloved man who takes care of you. Do I need to register a session? No question, HE will agree with the dean. Need a salary increase? Good, because you work well, but for some reason no one noticed this before. Is your car alarm broken? No problem, it will be ready in the evening.
HE gives you flowers, gifts, you don’t get out of bed, you both try to please each other, to please each other. You realize that you want to extend this relationship forever.
3. Meeting my wife.
Even if she doesn’t know about you, you definitely already know everything about her. Either the man told or they asked everything from a friend of a friend’s friend’s cousin’s husband… about what she was like.
And then the first circle of hell begins. You understand that she is better than you! She met him before, she is great at ironing creases on her trousers, she wears good perfume, and so on! According to the most small details You can definitely determine that it is really better!
Naturally, you are not happy with this state of affairs (who would admit that their rival is better!). Therefore, you are trying in every possible way to find disadvantages in her behavior, hairstyle, work. “He wouldn’t walk away from a normal wife,” you think, and continue to look for flaws.
It happens differently. Your man is handsome, charming, smart..., and his wife is the complete opposite of him - eyebrows like Brezhnev, dirty under her nails, and around them a forest of hangnails, crooked teeth, and stupid as a cork. And then you rejoice! She's ugly, and you're just perfect! You begin to feel like a queen and stop worrying about the fact that she exists.
4. Introducing your wife to you.
You continue dating the man of your dreams. And then, quite by accident, some friend told her about you. Or you called her yourself and reported that she has such a sweetheart about you. If so, then it is clear that you called her so that she would be happy and clap her hands because you are sleeping with her man (sarcasm). Be that as it may, she found out about you!
The second circle of hell is next. At first HE will visit you less often (so as not to get burned), then he will bring you news from the front, and your previously romantic meetings will turn into a discussion of what your wife said and what she promised to do with you.
Then HE will lie to you, by the way, HE will lie to both of you. The weakest (no offense to you men) will hide behind children and financial dependence on the family, etc. When it comes to coming up with excuses, men are simply virtuosos. I described the mildest turns of events.
It happens that women pour acid on their rivals, talk at work about what you...duh, sometimes it comes to relatives, and if your wife has a high status, then your disagreement is fraught with your moving to another city.
As a result, a caring, understanding, protective man turns into a cowardly liar who is unable to make an independent decision and leave for you.
It gets even worse! A man leaves his wife and comes to live with you!!! And a month later you simply don’t understand where to put it and what to do with it. I had a client who tried to take her husband away from the family for 1.5 years. She succeeded after a month of working with me. Everything was fine, but after 2 months she came to me again and burst into tears. Her ideal man He turned out to be a rare lazy pig; he didn’t bring money into the house because... everything suited the children, periodically ran to that family, etc. We worked for another 6 months so that she could leave him!
5. Breakup
Breakup is the most problematic period in any relationship. But in a relationship with a lover, this is an incredibly difficult period. And no, because you are very hurt and ashamed. Not because you are mortally offended and scared to be left alone and not meet another like you. Not because you are disappointed in all the men in the world because of this sorry asshole.
But because HE comes back again and again, or you start and end this relationship again and again. The period of separation for lovers can last for years. You can start your own family, have children, move to another city, but still this relationship will not end. I think that many, reading these lines, recognize themselves in them. And it seems EVERYTHING IS OVER, but no, he will call and ask for a meeting... And it seems that EVERYTHING HAS ERASED HIS NUMBER - he will be greeted from work or school with a huge bouquet of flowers. AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN, but he wants to and you have nowhere to go.
Or, on the contrary, HE left and did not explain why this happened, then you are wondering what happened in his head, why HE did this and look for a meeting with HIM to dot all the i’s.
What to do in such a situation?
1. Contact a specialist and carry out individual work in which your specific situation will be analyzed
3. Participate in specialized webinars and model your own relationships.
Anna Sikorskaya
Life is an unpredictable thing. It is impossible to predict in advance what will happen in a month or a year. The same applies to the relationship between a man and a woman. That is why it can be considered wise advice that “ It's dangerous for your health to take life too seriously».
We all want love and attention, so we spend most of our time searching for " that one" However, it is impossible to understand in advance how seriously your loved one will take you and your feelings.
A special place even in psychology is occupied by the question of the relationship between lovers. You can't know what's going on in another person's head until he talks about it himself. And when your vision is clouded by surging feelings - love or passion - it can be quite difficult to act adequately.
What is the essence of the question?
For some people, it is important to have a person nearby whom they can primarily rely on in difficult times. At first it seems that he is the one with whom you want to live your whole life, until old age. However, over time, passion begins to fade, and the lovers are consumed by everyday life. Therefore, many connections lose their “zest” and begin to move away from each other.
Some people want to spend more time in society, while their spouse prefers to stay at home alone. Others are immersed in work, with career growth as their main priority, and thus do not find time for intimacy with their loved one.
In general, the psychology of relationships between lovers can be very complex, because people have lovers for completely different reasons. For some, this is a new sexual passion, and for others, it is a search for a closer soul mate.
During such searches, a person faces a choice - to stay with his husband (wife) or with his lover (mistress). This issue cannot be put off forever, because one of the parties will definitely try to move to a new stage of joint relations. It is impossible to do this without causing damage to a third party!
Which angle of the love triangle should you sacrifice?
When a connection develops between two single people, solving the problem of moving to a new stage is much easier. You can directly start a conversation about the topic of the feelings you are experiencing and decide what to do - go your separate ways or stay together. But a relationship with a married lover is much more complicated.
For him or her, rare meetings and sexual pleasures in secret from other people may be enough. But what if your partner wants to take this relationship to the next level?
Before you decide to take a rash step, you should take a closer look at your lover’s behavior in order to understand how he really feels and whether he wants to continue.
To do this, you will need to put the following tips into action:
- You can pass psychological tests, which abound on the Internet and women's magazines. By answering the basic questions compiled by professional psychologists, you will understand true attitude lover to one's own person. It would be useful to contact a specialist live (possibly anonymously), where you can tell the current situation to the doctor and get an outside opinion and advice from him. A sober assessment from a third uninvolved person will help you take off your rose-colored glasses and realize the full reality and seriousness of the situation;
- It is important to understand whether your lover is trying to enter your social circle. After all, if everything that happens between him and the new partner is really important to him, regardless of the presence of a spouse, then he will try to find common language with acquaintances of the latter party;
- It is worth taking a close look at your lover’s behavior, assessing it with a calm, cool gaze. Any connections between a man and a woman (no matter whether they are lovers) are approximately the same and have logical and understandable verbal features that make it possible to understand their true attitude towards each other;
- The relationship between two married lovers can become clearer by paying attention to attitudes and behavior after sex. As a rule, a partner for whom sex is the main goal of the relationship changes greatly after intercourse. In this case, you can feel a sharp change in mood, coldness of answers and a complete lack of interest in your partner’s life;
- Gifts are of great importance, especially expensive ones in the absence of outstanding wages. This will mean that the partner really wants to continue the relationship and move to the next level. And the gifts themselves (if they were not previously requested) can show attention, warm relationships and selfless feelings on the part of the partner. But it is important to remember that fruit and expensive wine on the tea table do not count!
The love has passed, the tomatoes have wilted...
What to do and how to behave if a decision is made break off relations with a boring or married lover? Even when both partners are not bound by marriage, a breakup is very stressful.
Often a situation may arise in which one partner stops feeling sympathy (or has experienced nothing but sexual attraction) and tries to distance himself from his lover, wants to let him go, break off the connection, but at the same time is afraid of hurting him.
And if we are talking about adults and married people, then the question at stake is the destruction of the entire triangle into different separate parts. If a lover decides to take away a married partner from his legal spouse, and he does not have such strong mutual feelings that he is ready to take such a step, there is a serious risk of destruction not only of the relationship, but also of the family.
It is important to remember that sooner or later a choice must be made on which future life will depend.
If the decision is made to stay with the spouse and restore the family, then the rejected and angry partner can cause damage to this quiet family life and will try to do everything possible ways if you do not return the relationship, then mercilessly destroy the existing ones, guided by the principle “ So don't let anyone get you! In this case and family life will no longer be the same as before.
If a decision is made to leave your spouse and go to your lover, then there is a risk that the latter himself does not want this. Many lovers may be quite satisfied with secret meetings and sex without obligations. This can satisfy their ego and pride, a mistress can often be a status symbol " I am rich and can afford to support both my wife and my mistress».
