We live in extremely intense times. And, probably, every modern person is familiar with the feeling of overwork. It can occur for many reasons. Poor workplace organization and monotonous work without rest can lead to overwork and chronic fatigue. Prolonged overwork often leads to the development of chronic fatigue, which can occur even in healthy people.
We often do not understand other people, their motives, actions, words, and someone does not understand us. And the point here is not that people speak different languages, but in facts that influence the perception of what is said. The article contains the most common reasons why people cannot reach mutual understanding. Familiarity with this list, of course, will not make you a communication guru, but perhaps it will prompt changes. What prevents us from understanding each other?
Forgiveness is different from reconciliation. If reconciliation is aimed at a mutual “deal”, which is achieved through bilateral interest, then forgiveness is achieved only through the interest of the one who asks for forgiveness or forgives.
Many have learned from their own experience that the power of positive thinking is great. Positive thinking allows you to achieve success in any endeavor, even the most unpromising. Why doesn’t everyone have positive thinking, since it is a direct path to success?
If someone calls you selfish, it's definitely not a compliment. This makes it clear that you are paying too much attention to your own needs. Selfish behavior is unacceptable to most people and is considered immoral.
There are times when a person is hit by a series of problems and a dark streak occurs in life. It feels as if the whole world has rebelled against him. How to get out of a streak of failures and start enjoying life again?
There are more than seven billion people on Earth. They are all unique and differ from each other not only in appearance, but also in their set of psychological traits. There is a category of people who easily communicate with strangers, easily fit into unfamiliar companies and know how to please almost anyone. Such people are more successful in their personal lives and careers than others. Many people want to become just such people, a sort of “life of the party.” Today we will talk about what to do to please people and become a more successful person.
Conflicts can arise anywhere, regardless of the people around you and the circumstances. Angry boss or unscrupulous subordinates, demanding parents or dishonest teachers, grandmothers at bus stops or embittered people in public places. Even a conscientious neighbor and a dandelion grandmother can cause a big conflict. How to properly get out of a conflict without suffering damage - moral and physical - will be discussed in this article.
Impossible to imagine modern man who is not subject to stress. Accordingly, each of us experiences such situations every day at work, at home, on the road; some sufferers even experience stress several times a day. And there are people who constantly live in a stressful state and don’t even know it.
Feminism and the fight for gender equality have led to the emergence of a huge number of “self-sufficient” women. These ladies consider a man to be a creature of a lower order who must please and serve a woman. At the same time, a woman does not owe anything to anyone. This is what they write in women's magazines and online public pages. This approach somewhat distorts the roles of spouses in marriage. Women often suffer from their “excessive self-sufficiency.” They take on male responsibilities and gradually become “a man in a skirt.”
What is the true role of a man in a woman's life?
Nature has endowed the male sex with physical strength and aggressiveness. Warrior is the oldest male profession. Any normal woman sees in her husband the protector of her family and her children. A girl always wants to hide behind a man’s broad back from all her problems. The man is the breadwinner, whose task is to carry “prey” into the house. Previously, these were mammoths and gifts of the forest, but now the role of “game” is played by money and other material values.
Family support
A husband in a normal family will always support his wife, help her with deeds and wise advice. He will calm his wife down and wipe away her tears. The man in the house must solve all technical problems. He must be able to hang chandeliers, install home theaters, repair electrical outlets and assemble furniture. A car is a separate matter. Women rarely have a thorough understanding of the technical structure of a car. Side parking is also not always a perfect task for girls. A man is a hero. All hard physical work should rest on strong male shoulders.
The wife's sexual satisfaction is the husband's concern. Without love and quality sex life, a marriage will not last long. Children in a family usually follow their father's example. They try to imitate his character and habits in everything. Dad must be strict and gentle at the same time. He is obliged, with fatherly wisdom, to instruct the growing generation on the right path. To the best of his ability, a man should help his wife in solving all her problems and emerging issues. He must take responsibility for making strategic decisions. In extreme situations, a man must maintain restraint and composure. Weakness and cowardice are unacceptable for a man.
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Historically, approximately 70% of my consultations are related to relationships between men and women.
It would seem that I have been working with this topic for so many years, but I still can’t perceive it in a calm, working mode... I really want as many men and women as possible to be happy in relationships!
After all, relationships between a man and a woman can be a source of great joy and pleasure, the main decoration of life, a source of inspiration, strength for self-realization and creation, a reliable rear, a haven in which you are always welcome, understood and supported... But such relationships are 1 out of 100...
In the remaining 99 cases, sometimes one gets the feeling that a man and a woman enter into a relationship only in order to realize their sadomasochistic inclinations.
Resentments, claims, reproaches, betrayals, jealousies, demands, disappointments... Together it’s bad, apart it’s even worse. This is how tens of millions of people suffer every day!!!
At the beginning, when a man and a woman decide to be together, everything seems simple: something in the style of “just be with me, and I don’t need anything else to be happy!” But over time it turns out that just being together is not enough. It turns out that everyone has their own needs, expectations, desires... And the painfully familiar begins: “Why should I satisfy all her/his needs, whims and caprices?! Who will think about me?!”
The situation takes on the quality of a vicious circle, from which many see no other way out other than accepting suffering or divorce.
I am sure that to break this vicious circle, there is only one way out - to start caring about meeting each other’s needs.
Remember, you once wanted your loved one to be happy with you.
Men and women feel happy in relationships when their basic needs are met. Everything else is artificial and far-fetched.
When a person's basic needs are satisfied, he is, as a rule, ready to compromise in his expectations and desires. This is how the joint path of construction begins happy relationship. There is no other way.
What needs are we talking about?
For convenience, let's compare the needs of men and women in relationships, as well as the consequences of not meeting them.
11 needs of women in relationships with men
- The need for a feeling of security, safety, confidence that a man will organize everything, “sort it out”, save...
A woman who is not given a feeling of security and safety by a man will be anxious, confused and nervous. Subsequent reasons for conflicts are already a consequence, not a cause. - The need for attention to her feelings, thoughts, experiences and dreams.
If a man does not pay attention to a woman’s inner world, is not interested in her life, does not want to listen to her, the woman will feel that she is only being used, that she is lonely and not loved.
Over time, this results in indifference in caring for her husband, refusal or formal attitude towards sex, etc. - The need for calm acceptance of her emotional swings and bad mood.
It's no secret that women are prone to emotional swings. Such is female nature. If a man, instead of calm acceptance and empathy, reacts aggressively to these changes, he, in fact, in the eyes of a woman becomes a woman too. Gradually she loses respect for him as a man. - The need to hear from her man that she is a queen, a princess, in general, the very best.
Without satisfying this need, a woman eventually stops paying attention to how she looks in front of her husband, her eyes fade, and sexuality can be directed at other men who will satisfy this need. - The need for respect for her feminine activities and interests: communicating with friends, visiting beauty salons, shopping, psychological seminars, handicrafts and other desires for self-realization.
It is through a man’s attitude towards women’s activities that a woman understands that she is respected. Without respecting a woman's interests, it is pointless to expect respect for men's interests on her part. - The need for romance and surprises, for “exploits for her sake.” This is how a woman feels that she is loved.
Without satisfying this need, she feels like a “downtrodden housewife” and begins to nag her husband with or without reason. - The need for gratitude for what she does for the family.
Without gratitude, caring for her husband becomes a marital duty for a woman, and not something that brings joy and pleasure. As a result, the atmosphere in the house and in relationships will be far from cozy. - The need to spend time with husband and children.
This is a woman’s idea of a happy family. This gives the woman inspiration. Otherwise, the place for her husband in her life becomes minimal over time. The relationship turns into formal cohabitation. - The need to love, to feel needed by a man. This manifests a woman’s self-realization in a relationship.
If a man courtes a woman from all sides, and at the same time says that “he doesn’t need anything from her, as long as she is with him,” one day this woman will leave for a man who will need a lot from her. - The need for a man’s fidelity, to feel like he’s the only one.
A woman first of all feels a man’s loyalty when she hears from a man that she is the only one for him. Without loyalty, a relationship for a woman loses its meaning and, in fact, ends there. The final divorce becomes a matter of time and the right moment. - The need for admiration from your man.
A woman wants to be proud of her man, so that he is special, has as many masculine virtues as possible. If a man does not work on himself, is not demanding of himself, does not develop, next to such a man a woman ceases to feel like a woman
11 needs of men in relationships with women.
- The need to be an unconditional authority for your woman.
If a woman does not trust a man, is not ready to accept his decisions, expresses doubt that he is able to take care of her, the man ceases to feel responsible for her, does not show concern and does not give a feeling of security. - The need to receive love, tenderness, understanding, and a sincere caring attitude towards everyday life from a woman.
No matter what a woman does for her husband and family, if she does it without love and tenderness, a man will not truly appreciate it. And he himself will not show attention to a woman’s feelings. As a result, both will live by the principle: “I fulfill my duties, and I don’t owe you anything else!” - The need to be accepted as you are.
If a woman often tells a man about his shortcomings, constantly nags and reproaches him, the man either feels eternally guilty, loses faith in himself, becomes a loser, or shows aggression towards her and reproaches her in return. - A woman’s need for unconditional faith in the strength of her man, in his ability to cope with any difficulties.
A man's self-esteem is largely determined by a woman's attitude towards him. If a woman does not believe in him, then over time he ceases to believe in himself. The result is an unfulfilled, unfulfilled man next to a woman, dissatisfied with himself. This can further be expressed in alcoholism, gambling, drug addiction, etc. - The need for a woman to respect and share his interests.
Satisfying this need is the basis of a long-term relationship with a man. The consequence of a woman not sharing a man's interests is likely to be a man's lack of desire to spend time with her. - The need is for a woman to enjoy having sex with him, to give him her tenderness and love.
If a man does not feel sexually attractive to his woman, or the woman is indifferent to sex, he will be irritable and prone to cheating. - The need for gratitude, recognition of the value of everything he does for a woman.
If a woman takes everything a man does for granted, and even more so, if she is constantly not satisfied with what has been done, the man stops doing anything completely and withdraws into himself, the computer, TV, etc. - The need for respect for one’s territory, for freedom of choice: “what now I consider necessary to do.”
If a woman does not respect a man’s right to decide for himself when and what to do, does not show patience, and constantly reproaches him in the style of “he promised, but did not deliver,” she begins to behave like a mother, and imposes on the man the role of not a husband, but a negligent son. This is what he eventually becomes. - The need for a woman’s loyalty, confidence that he is the best for her.
A man first of all feels a woman’s loyalty when he hears from a woman that he is the best for her in all respects. If a woman makes him understand that there are better men, he will soon let her understand that there are better women. - The need to feel like a hero, a savior, hope and support for your woman.
If a woman is inclined to do everything herself, the man next to her degrades and, in fact, they change roles: the man behaves more and more like a woman, and the woman behaves more and more like a man. - The need for admiration for your woman.
A man wants to be proud of his woman, so that she is beautiful, well-groomed, sexy, and at the same time interesting as a person. If a woman does not take care of herself, stops thinking about how she looks in front of her husband, does not develop as a person, then next to such a woman a man ceases to feel like a man.
Three key points for those who want to apply this knowledge in practice.
- Usually in this topic I hear the following objection: “Okay, I understand the importance of meeting needs, but why should I do it first? Let him/her do something first.”
The truth is that you always have to start with yourself.
There is no other option.
2. As a rule, when men and women begin to apply this knowledge, they expect quick results and, not receiving them, decide that “it’s all useless.”
It is important to understand that any changes in relationships are not quick, and, depending on the initial situation, can take from one month to three years.
3. Many people sincerely believe that “it is better to find a new partner rather than save a relationship that is not satisfactory.”
Life practice suggests that people tend to transfer established patterns of behavior from old relationships to new ones. Therefore, it is unrealistic to expect that in a new relationship everything will automatically be different.
True love is a skill that needs to be developed, not a lottery win.
Love differs from falling in love primarily in that falling in love is given to us “for free” as an emotional outburst over a short distance.
But love is already a daily work that requires the work of the soul over a long distance.
So enjoy the process and don’t give up halfway. Then you are guaranteed the result in the form of a happy relationship.
Everything is very true, wise and correct! It has been precisely noted that a woman admires more the personal qualities of a man, but a man still admires more the external qualities of a woman - beauty, and the internal ones are secondary. And a very interesting point, you write, a man should only respect the interests of a woman, but a woman should share the interests of a man. This last point can be very difficult for many people. Well, I love football, for example, and I can listen about cars or politics, but sometimes a woman is not interested in this - well, no way!!! Hunting, for example, well, in general, the soul of many women does not lie in killing animals... But you are right in practice, mere respect for the interests of a man is not enough.... namely, SHARE. What should we do for those who just can’t share some interests - well, no way!!! Thanks for the article!
Alexander Pechersky
Well, it’s not at all necessary to directly participate in the hunt. But if the man brought the spoils, and the woman even refuses to cook it, or instead of admiring her breadwinner, she expresses her displeasure about this in every possible way, then the prospect of problems in the relationship emerges very clearly. So in this case, a woman needs to choose between her vegetarian values and the value of harmony in the relationship.
Good day everyone! I don’t agree with the author that a man has as many needs as he wrote, because I have fewer of them: 1. I want to be well-fed, warm, breathe clean air, see acceptable pictures. 2.I want to have a permanent or permanent partner. 3. I want to enjoy any actions that I perform.
Alexander Pechersky
Vitalik, in this article we are talking about needs, the satisfaction of which depends on the relationship partner. The needs you listed relate to a different area.
Svetlana
The article is very useful, of course, quality relationships are daily work, and mutual. Everything coincides with women’s needs, respect, and men’s are understandable, but there are nuances that always spoil everything, and how to get rid of men who are heading for the wrong steppe, who want to be in the know even about women’s household chores, their comments, tips, notes on how to cook “correctly” i.e. according to his technology (yours is not particularly valued), fold cups “according to height”, lids, jars... If you love, you fulfill this whim? And then? what's next? Hatred is somehow stupid. Retraining... also no, putting up with it? moralism
Alexander Pechersky
Svetlana, well, of course, any permanent relationship consists of continuous nuances. It is the mutual willingness to discuss these nuances, listen, hear, negotiate that determines the degree of intimacy in a relationship.
Good afternoon. Yes, of course, they discussed, and cursed, and made up. An inveterate bachelor - who knows how to do everything better, more correctly, remains single again afterwards and bites his elbows, asks for forgiveness, to start all over again..... and in the depths of his soul disgusting. My feelings simply dissolved somewhere, dissipated, disappeared, the desire to see him, to cultivate patience in myself was gone, if we did not hear each other when love seemed to be burning, passion was seething... I look around, looking for my mistakes, blunders ....but I’m also a person who has his own views and habits. I shouldn’t break myself! When I said openly that I didn’t like it, it humiliated him - like this, I’m the Chief, I Know How to Do It. Lamala, please, tried to be wise, but the situation worsened and “your” patience worked against us, that’s how it turned out(
Catherine
Alexander, what should I do if my husband does not satisfy my needs for tenderness and affection? I tried to just talk about this topic, but he resists and believes that only bibs and fagots (sorry) need calf tenderness, he says that I just have an “increased” need for this, although he can’t do it all day not once to kiss or hug, and even if he kisses, then he gives a routine peck on the lips and that’s it, why is it so bad? (((and I feel like I’m going out next to him (
Alexander Pechersky
Ekaterina, of course, not knowing the nuances of your specific situation, I can only answer in general. Usually there are two key points here: the first is the understanding that any human quality, like a medal, has two sides. For example, a man can be a man of action and action, but reverse side This is a cool attitude towards conversations and other tenderness. Obviously, if you value one side of the coin, then the second side must be accepted as an integral part of the first. And the second point is the understanding that what we pay attention to always develops and intensifies. Based on this, in order to develop the desire to satisfy your “increased need,” your increased gratitude is needed. The more bonuses your husband receives for the desired behavior, the more often he will want to repeat it).
It seems to me that we simply must listen to the opinion of such a specialist. You don't need to talk about what you want, you need to take care of that person. who is next to you. And he said it right
Desperate Financier
General requirement - happy family. This is exactly what both men and women need. However, there are exceptions
Sadness
What to do if a man is not at all inclined to point 8 - spending time with his wife and children... he can spend time only when he understands that he just looks strange if he again spends time with his own entertainment... but then as moral compensation requires even more time for yourself for your loved one... is it possible to change the situation or is it a hopeless matter?
Alexander Pechersky
Well, for a full answer, you need to understand the situation through the eyes of your man. And so, I can only say the obvious truth: if there is mutual respect, a willingness to listen and hear each other, as well as a desire to participate in each other’s happiness, anything can be changed. Without this, it’s unlikely...
Good afternoon, Alexander! But what to do if a man believes that his main and practically only activity in life is work, and he believes that with this action he covers all 11 needs of a woman? Are you ready to do something more only if his needs (all 11 of them) are met by a woman? And again, if you cover a woman’s needs, then only in the way he considers necessary (which does not coincide with real needs, and that’s how he only sees them). How to find the strength to cover all his needs if you feel empty? There were a million attempts at different conversations and different decisions were made, too, but the situation remains the same: “I’m working, I’m tired, which means you should meet me happy, praise me, respect me, etc. If I get this, I’ll make you happy for a short time and in my own way.” , I believe that you should be happy with my actions, period."
Alexander Pechersky
Hello Lana! Based on your description, it is obvious that the man does not understand you. And there are two options: either he can’t understand, or he doesn’t want to. If it can’t, and you can’t explain it convincingly, then you can try to do it with the help of family psychological counseling, for example. But if he doesn’t want to, then, unfortunately, there are no other options left except to accept him as he is, or to leave.
Hello! Thank you very much, very informative. It is clear what needs to be satisfied in marriage. Please tell me what needs need to be satisfied at the meeting stage? That is, when the partners have not yet entered into marriage. How not to overdo it? If you satisfy a man's needs before you enter into marriage-marriage and it won't happen at all.
Alexander Pechersky
Hello, Natalya! The needs of men and women before and after marriage do not change in principle. Another thing is that meeting needs is, from my point of view, still a consequence, and not the goal of a relationship. We can say that this is a way of expressing love. Without this, what is the point of a relationship at all? Dating is not a demo version of marriage. People meet when they are interested in each other, when they feel good together. And marriage is simply a manifestation of the desire of each of them to continue the relationship on a deeper level.
If you still have doubts about this, in this article you will find clear answers to the question of what men want.
Christian Carter, Ph.D., who studies couples and families, believes he has found the answer to what exactly men want to find in women.
The answer has to do with adulthood. Adults seek lifelong relationships and choose partners who have something in common with them. Maturity is, of course, what distinguishes mature husbands from youths. If the man in your life is attracted to you by the traits we list below, then you are dating an adult, not a boy.
Make sure that you can rightfully say the following about him:
A real man loves optimists
Apparently, it is women who set the level emotional connection in relationships, and real men do not find anything shameful in this. Emotional balance and trust indicate a high level of interest in the individual and allow your partner to be convinced that you are together for more than just physical attraction. Sharing your innermost feelings is just as important as showing your great sense of humor.
A man falls in love with a laughing woman, a woman who always smiles and enjoys life. It is with such a person that he will want to have a common past.
A real man prefers independent women
A real man needs a woman who remains herself in any circumstances, who by and large does not need a relationship to feel happy (but who will always be happy to kiss him). Women of this type can make their own decisions, cherish their own dreams and achieve their own goals.
A real man will appreciate such an independent woman, who in his eyes will compare favorably with a girl who is unable to decide on anything and absolutely cannot be happy without a man.
A real man needs emotionally mature women
Moreover, maturity must be proven by both parties. Emotional restraint improves relationships. There are disagreements in the lives of couples, and behavior during such disputes is indeed very important: it shows the level of maturity - or lack thereof.
A real man will not attach undue importance to rude insults and tactless remarks, but will definitely try to understand what you are driving at. A mature woman will do the same thing - she will not criticize or scold a man if problems arise due to his fault. In a harmonious couple, partners know how to restrain emotions, even during the most intense arguments.
This level of respect is one of the best parts of a healthy and happy relationship.
A real man needs a woman who attracts him in everything
Of course, physical attraction is important part any relationship. But truly strong attraction involves more than that.
An adult man is looking for an attractive personality. He knows that beauty will fade over time, but years of brilliant individuality only benefit.
Life can be compared to school, where every day a person learns something new. One of the most important lessons is love. Any person whom fate encounters is not accidental. The Universe wants you to be able to comprehend a new truth and learn something important through your relationship with him. Today we’ll talk about women into whose lives any man comes not by chance, but with the need to fulfill certain programs and realize karmic tasks.
Rice. Any man comes into a woman’s life for a reason!
What types of men can come into life and what does this mean?
Decent man
This concept is relative, it can only be interpreted based on the characteristics of the life and character traits of a particular woman. If for one lady a man is worthy, for another woman he may be a punishment from above or, conversely, a gift of fate.
Dear women, remember that only those men you like are attracted into your life. at the moment worthy - this is the inviolable law of the Universe.
For example, if only weak-willed men come into your life, this is not a bad or good sign. This is just a fact that shows what kind of man your heart is open to now.
Tyrant
If you dated a man who is endowed with an authoritarian character, it means that your understanding of what is allowed and what is not has been erased. You need to learn to listen to yourself again. Otherwise, you will finally turn into a victim. The desire to stay with such a man means that the woman feels abandoned, forgotten by everyone and deeply unhappy.
Living with a tyrant, the victim woman is destined to learn to defend herself, defend her own interests, respect herself, restoring the structure of her personality. But for this it is necessary that she feel severe mental pain. A man with a different character would not have taught her to listen to herself.
Jealous
The emergence of a desire to connect life with a pathological jealous person indicates that a woman’s sexual energy is not distributed correctly. Experts are sure that a jealous man will never appear to a lady who knows how to manage her sexual energy. Advice: take a break, get creative, this will help direct your energy in the right direction and problems will disappear by themselves. Don’t put off the issue of exploring your sexuality for too long.
Liar
If a woman is “lucky” to connect her life with a man who constantly “feeds” her with promises, but at the same time does absolutely nothing, inventing various excuses, then the Universe says: “Value yourself!” Fate seems to be signaling that a woman needs to stop adapting to a man and playing by his rules.
Even if after some time a lady meets a truly worthy man who loves her dearly, she will still face the fact that she will not be appreciated. After all, in a woman’s subconscious there is a program “Adapt to a man.” This program needs to be gotten rid of urgently.
Alcoholic/drug addict
A woman pays attention to a man suffering from a certain addiction for a reason. This means that she is destined to learn a certain life lesson. Let's consider how a woman behaves when she is next to such a man. There are two options: she is the poor thing who has the worst luck. Or she constantly “nags” a man, killing his determination and masculinity at the root.
What does a man with addiction teach a woman? His behavior says that he trampled female nature, ceased to be in essence who he was born. A man kills his body with the help of alcohol/drugs, thereby, as it were, reflecting the behavior of a woman. Such a man is sent to a woman so that she stops running away from reality and bears responsibility for the events happening in life.
Weak-willed "mama's boy"
The appearance of a “spineless” man in a woman’s life indicates that she is accustomed to holding the reins of power exclusively in her own hands. A woman cannot help but be a commander; she always scolds a man for any reason, teaches him about life, and controls every step. A relationship with such a man should teach a woman to trust men, allow them to make important decisions, protect and provide. It is important to learn that you should not try to change your chosen one, you need to listen to him, try to understand and find a compromise.
