Aggression on the part of a child towards parents can be provoked by completely different external factors, including incorrect presentation of information by the mother: “Now I’ll call my father!” Such a seemingly harmless and even comical phrase, which is familiar to everyone since childhood, can actually cause severe psychological trauma to a child. For us, such a threat means nothing except powerlessness to solve the problem alone, while the fragile child’s psyche perceives the words completely differently: father will be dissatisfied with me, father is the source of anger and dislike, and, in the end, father does not love me. Such an idea appears in the child’s head not only thanks to the mother’s raised tone, little man much more susceptible to the world around us than we are as adults. He listens to friends, teachers, classmates, parents of classmates, not realizing that the process of education has already begun. It would be much better if "culture" big world the son or daughter was taught by the parents.
Does a child’s reaction to the world around him depend on his age?
Even in adolescence, a child needs his parents. Regardless of age, in the end, only the knowledge imparted by parents remains, and not by school and teachers. At a conscious age, a child first of all gives preference to the life values of his parents, but at the same time forms his own worldview. Unfortunately, this does not mean at all that if you communicate with a child as an equal, he will not repay you later with cruelty and indifference. Parents, even if they managed to become friends with their child, must first and foremost remain educators. Puberty is like being born for the second time, a rather painful process in which parents, as a rule, are not helpful.
How to react?
A compromise wins: instill in your child your values in life, while respecting him. At the age of 13-16, a teenager has already formed a view on certain things. Learn to listen, learn to conduct a dialogue - many parents prefer to communicate with their children in the form of a monologue, which provokes a new wave of aggression and isolation. Learn to give freedom (freedom is not synonymous with permissiveness), freedom of views, freedom of action, teaching your life principles does not mean creating your own clone. Tolerance, respect, empathy - these are the three pillars on which a relationship with a teenager rests. Get rid of your selfishness, and you will rid your child of this vice. Explain to him that there is no one right opinion. However, first you need to learn this yourself.
When you give up: is there such a thing as irreparable cruelty?
Cruelty is not a natural quality; it always has a reason, a primary source. Of course, absolutely at a young age there is a thirst for dominance: “I want to hit and I will hit,” “I want to get what I want, and I don’t care if you can’t give it to me,” etc. But there are many opportunities to smooth out this unpleasant feature even in early age. Teach your child by example: fall in love with reading, and your child will love reading with you. Tell him that art is an escape from everyday life, good cinema is a way to learn to protect yourself from unnecessary stress and shock. The history of psychology and psychiatry knows many cases when child cruelty manifested itself at the most unexpected moment, and there is only one way to protect yourself and your child from this: proper upbringing.
How to find a common language with a child? My son is 11 years old - no understanding and received the best answer
Answer from Karolinka[guru]
It is not only the child who is going through a necessary but difficult period in his life. Parents also experience this process. And there are several provisions that parents simply need to remember in order to come out of this test with honor.
A teenage child experiences life's troubles very hard during the crisis of puberty. And even if he does not find a common language with his parents, you should not think that he does not want to find it. On the contrary, he needs his parents, mutual understanding with them and trust. It is only important to tune in to this contact and remember that an adult is always easier to compromise.
When communicating with a child, you will have to forget that a parent is a person whose opinion is not discussed. He once enjoyed this status, but everything has already changed irrevocably: the child becomes independent. Now the best way for both sides is friendly relations. His experience as a parent gives him an advantage. But it should not be used as a weapon. They need to be helped to overcome problems and suggested ways out of difficult situations, then this will be received adequately, with gratitude, and with respect.
The age of a teenager is associated with tragic views and a feeling of despair. And you need to figure this out together with him. First of all, teach your child to joke. Look at what is happening with humor and irony, not be afraid to make a mistake, be able to distinguish a joke from an insult. This will help him cope with the difficulties of adolescence, it will also become an excellent basis for his worldview in the future, and will form character, core and optimism. Show how you should use seemingly negative moments in life and what is happening to your advantage: what happened is not good, but you can find such and such advantages in it. This is where you will be invaluable, since the teenager does not yet have enough experience to react to the situation in such a way.
Reply from 2 answers[guru]
Hello! Here is a selection of topics with answers to your question: How to find a common language with a child? My son is 11 years old - no understanding
Reply from Natalya Sterlikova[guru]
Praise often for every plate washed. Tell him that you are a family, and no matter what happens, you will take all problems into the house and work together. That he is loved and good, but his ACTIONS upset you. If you scold a child, call him names somehow, God forbid beat him, then over time he will answer you in the same way: “Mom, you said that I’m a bastard, what do you want now? Who did you give birth to...” Don’t be shy to show your love, tell him that he is your support, future, that he is good. Maybe not right away, but he will hear you. And always put yourself in his place. You want it, but they don’t give it to you, they don’t allow it. Why? Is punishment equivalent to a misdemeanor?
Reply from Russian guy[guru]
You do not speak a language that your son will understand. Therefore, don’t even try to explain something, he most likely “will not understand” you. Well, I mean, he will understand, but he will not perceive it. Try to be silent more and listen, listen and listen for at least a month. You will very quickly understand that he understands you, but acts out of a sense of contradiction. Let him speak out more, help him (but in no case poke his nose into mistakes, and don’t give too many reasons) to see that he contradicts himself too often. And when you understand that he himself begins to understand that he acts contradicting himself, you will begin to understand him. And he you.
Good luck to you. It's difficult. I didn't succeed at the time. I tried to explain, but didn’t listen much.
Your son, who used to share all his secrets, suddenly begins to answer all questions with a sullen “yes” or “no”, and your daughter no longer wants to go shopping with you? This is probably adolescence. Don't despair. This is quite natural, and even moreover, it is important for children to distance themselves from their parents during this period. But for adults, such distance can be painful, and they think... We have selected a few tips on how to find a common language with teenagers.
Give your teenager some freedom
Give them more independence. This will help them create themselves, their own individuality. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't intervene if your teen gets involved with bad crowd.
Prohibit wisely
Don't pick on teenagers over minor things. Purple hair or a messy room is not a reason for a scandal. Another thing is tattoos or bad deeds. Give reasons for your prohibitions - this will help you find a common language with teenagers.
Define rules and discipline in advance
Both parents are involved in raising teenagers, so discuss in advance what is acceptable and what is not. Whether you prohibit your teenager from using the Internet or reduce the amount of pocket money - everything should be discussed in advance.
Discuss boundaries
Give teenagers age-appropriate independence. But you should always know where they are. If you feel necessary, request that your teen call you during the evening.
Talk to your teen about risks
Discuss an action plan
Tell your teen, “If your only option is to get into a car with a drunk driver, call me. I don’t care if it’s three o’clock in the morning.” Talk to your child about different potentially dangerous situations and their possible solutions. This way you will not only keep him as safe as possible, but also show that you can be trusted. And this is an important step if you want to find a common language with a teenager.
Allow your child to feel guilty
A lot depends on self-esteem. having a good opinion of yourself is normal. But people should feel bad if they hurt someone or did something wrong. Teenagers need to feel guilty sometimes too. Guilt is a healthy emotion. And it’s normal to feel it when we’ve done something wrong.
Invite your teen's friends over for dinner
Don't talk about it very openly. This will only alienate your teenager. Invite your child's friends over. When the children will see. How friends behave with their parents can help them get to know them better. Yes, and you may see something good in them.
