Whether it is necessary to burden a child with household chores is a controversial question for many parents. On the one hand, not so long ago, by the age of 7, a child was already so independent that he could be considered a full-fledged assistant in the family (go to the store, tidy up the apartment, and look after younger children), and such upbringing was in the order of things. On the other hand, the current tendency to give a child a carefree childhood is a kind of trend that seems to be followed. Helping a child around the house is often seen as exploitation of child labor, something that interferes with the full course of childhood.
Of course life modern child often very rich in various clubs and sections. And the parents believe that assigning him any more responsibilities would be too much. And it’s much easier to do all the necessary household chores yourself, without the child’s awkward attempts to help.
However, does this approach give positive result? Unfortunately, not always. Protecting a child from household chores leads to a delay in his social and personal development. As such children grow up, they often suffer from increased egocentrism, inadequate self-esteem and dissatisfaction with the quality of their life. After all, without learning in childhood the importance of work and help, a child cannot adequately assess the conditions created for him in the family and does not realize the happiness of his childhood.
3 advantages of raising a child through labor
Development of self-esteem. Psychologists' studies show that children who perform certain household duties feel necessary and significant in the family, therefore they have adequately high self-esteem, are not afraid of difficulties and are ready to cooperate with others.
Self-discipline. Household responsibilities teach a child to count his strength. First, an adult helps him, consistently giving the child feasible tasks, and then he himself learns to divide the big task facing him into small, but completely doable steps. For example, you need to water the flowers. To do this, pour water into a jar, let it sit, then take the jar and carefully water the flowers.
Preparing for school. Child helper comes to school age prepared for the need not only to receive something from others, but also to make efforts to achieve results. All the baby’s victories (tied shoelaces on his own, peeled potatoes, washed plates) are necessary for him to prove to himself and everyone that he is capable of much.
A child helps around the house: how to distribute responsibilities?
Only the parents themselves, relying on individual characteristics child and the family’s living conditions, they will be best able to come up with things that the baby will do with pleasure. However, there are some tips for adults in this matter.
1 year “I’m taking a closer look.” Children begin to show an active interest in what their parents are doing at home after a year, when they have the physical ability to move independently. At this age, they happily play with the pots they get and study the ones they come across. household appliances, copy the actions of the mother with rags and napkins.
2–3 years. “I want to help!” Children are already persistently asking to be allowed to do housework. What can you entrust to a child at this age? Self-care responsibilities: wash your face, brush your teeth, undress and dress (at least in general terms), put clothes on your shelf, etc. Putting things in order: put your toys back in place, collect crumbs from the table with a rag. To increase the baby's interest in housework, mom can introduce an element of play into any task. For example, a crane made from children’s hands will help you put toys in their places, and during the evening wash, a neat fairy will drop by for a visit.
4 years. “I can do a lot!” The child is able to cope with real tasks: helping fill the grocery basket in the supermarket, loading washing machine, hanging and removing clothes from the dryer, wiping dust, etc. Always praise your baby and thank him for his help.
5 years. “Will I help you tomorrow?” At this age, a child can become a full-fledged assistant to an adult in all household chores, so parents can only choose the range of his activities. However, it is during this period that children often develop a reluctance to fulfill their responsibilities. In this case, it would be useful to use more strict methods of education, that is, demand the fulfillment of duties. The main thing is that this approach should be applied short-term and situationally.
Labor education of a child: the main mistakes of parents
Unfortunately, a situation often arises when parents seem ready to entrust the child with some household chores, but he is not eager to help. But even in such a situation, the reasons for the child’s behavior largely depend on the parents themselves, so it is worth recognizing them in time.
- Lack of positive reaction to the baby’s efforts. The baby’s first attempts to help mom and dad are often inept and lead to even more trouble, so parents often brush off his efforts or reproach him for his carelessness and the consequences resulting from the help. And then the child loses the desire to offer his help, because instead of approval, he is afraid of receiving criticism again.
- No living conditions. It is unlikely that a child will retain the desire and initiative to help around the house if he physically requires the intervention of an adult to perform certain actions. For example, a broom and dustpan are too large and are stored in an inaccessible place, there are no stands or stools, toys are on the top shelves of the rack. Sometimes it is enough to make the house comfortable for the child so that he feels like a master in it and shows responsibility for order.
- Lack of clear household responsibilities for the child. Consistency is necessary for young children; it is the basis of their safety and comfort. Therefore, if parents irregularly and unexpectedly for the child remember that he needs to put away toys or take dirty dishes to the sink, the baby will resist.
- Incorrect perception of responsibilities. Very often, work, especially domestic work, is presented by adults in a negative way, as something forced and uninteresting. Therefore, the child develops an idea of household responsibilities as a punishment rather than a privilege. Parents themselves need to fall in love with household chores so that the baby will happily join them.
- Parents feel guilty. It happens that parents, due to their busyness, feel guilty before the baby, so they are not internally sure that they have the right to burden him with chores around the house. From infancy, a child is an excellent manipulator, subtly sensing the weak points of his parents and skillfully using them. Therefore, adults must first gain confidence in the correctness of their requirements so that the baby can adequately perceive them.
The best thing parents can do for their child is to see in him a full-fledged and independent person, and create conditions for him to feel needed and significant.
Is your child easily distracted and forgets about his responsibilities? In this case, it is worth providing some noticeable reminder for him, for example, a multi-colored daisy, where each petal is painted and glued after completing a particular task, or a piggy bank with duty tokens (colored paper circles). After completing his work, the child can receive a token and throw it into the piggy bank. If such a piggy bank contains all 3 (5, 8, etc.) tokens by the evening, the child can receive a small reward - for example, a favorite bedtime story.
When a child is just born, he is small and helpless. Naturally, the baby really needs his parents. Caring mom and dad are only happy to help; every help to the child makes them happy. Gradually, children grow up and look at the behavior of mom and dad, often copying it. If a parent helps a child at every opportunity, then the child will grow up to be a good helper.Don’t immerse yourself completely in your own affairs, devote enough time to your child, and your child will grow up to be the same in relation to others. The child gets used to this environment and perceives it as the norm, copying this into his family over the years.
But there comes a time when children do not want to accept help from their parents. It becomes important for them to communicate with friends and gain their place in society. I want to go out more, to find authority among my peers. There is no need to be scared, it is important to wait out this moment. This is the so-called transition period"Then the child will again become a close friend to the parents. During this period, the main help lies in understanding and patience.
Children help parents
Children grow up and become adults, but fathers and mothers do not get any younger. TO retirement age many things become more difficult than before. Going to the store is very tiring, and carrying a bag of groceries becomes very difficult.The time has come when parents need their children's help. And here it is important how they were raised, because children will begin to repeat the behavior of mom and dad in the past.
There is a situation when a child has grown up, got on his feet and does not consider it his duty to help his parents. If this happens, it means that mom, dad and child do not have a close relationship. It’s not too late to fix everything, although it’s no longer as easy as in childhood.
Unfortunately, it also happens that parents devoted their entire lives to their children, but did not receive the same in return. This happens, most likely, due to the child being severely spoiled. It is important to help the child, and not indulge his whims. You just need help and understanding difficult moment. But, if a child felt care and support in childhood, he will not leave his parents alone with difficulties. Now the children become the support.
Parents need their children just as children need their parents. Mutual assistance in the family is the key to strong and close relationships. This is something to strive for and cherish.
Not “help your mom,” but “you’re so grown up that you can do some grown up things.” Moreover, you can also slightly highlight the eldest, come on. But this has nothing to do with helping around the house, at all. Two weeks on a farm - just out of curiosity, exotic.
Help around the house: what to entrust to children. Help around the house: what a child from 2 to 12 years old can do. We go about our daily work, doing everything for everyone, and it doesn’t even occur to us that we could assign a child to knock out a dusty rug and everyone would be better off for it.
My mother is 78. Three years ago, a neurologist diagnosed her with dementia. She lives alone, but not far from me. I installed video surveillance in her apartment, I see her at any moment. Thanks to the medications (she drinks them under my “video surveillance” with the phone on her ear), she still somehow held on. Lately everything has gotten worse, she left and got lost in the hallway. The gas is turned off, the water is not yet available. I took her to a mental hospital, where they diagnosed her with severe dementia.
The problem is not with the guy, but with his mother. There's nothing wrong with him. The only thing you need to hint is that you need to wear shorts. And so he himself will figure out when to masturbate.
My grandfather’s mother is now taking him in for the winter with a big scandal, my children and I live in the village in the summer, my mother wanted him and wants to put him in the house. Your mother now needs a good neurologist. Taking neurological pills can greatly help against ALL diseases.
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Zero desire to help mom. If they try to attract him, then his arm, leg hurt, and in general he is tired. In this situation, do you think it’s worth fighting for your son to help around the house, or would it be a waste of time and nerves, let him exist and pass it on...
How to help mom? She needs to see a psychologist or a psychotherapist. Many people cannot get out of severe depression on their own. At home I organize a complete pogrom in the form of general cleaning. I work on the phone, sorting out all the issues, not sending anyone, and generally doing EVERYTHING that...
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My old mother is sick. A disease called old age. She has a lot of medications that make her worse and worse. Plus the medications she prescribes for herself. All this together leads to allergies, intolerances and deterioration. Not taking medications is actually bad too.
Help around the house: what to entrust to children. To-do list by age. An eight-year-old child can set the table and put away the dirty dishes, a 10-year-old child can load the washing machine, and a twelve-year-old child can fold the washed laundry.
How to help mom? Serious question. About yours, about your girl’s. Discussion of issues about a woman’s life in the family, at work, relationships with men. Mom flatly refused to go to the dacha that we are going to build. As well as to the existing village house and to the husband’s dacha.
Help around the house: what to entrust to children. To-do list by age. This schedule was very helpful - it guided the children without having to remind them of anything. They could look at the schedule at any time and see what they were supposed to do.
Mom is bored at home alone, I’m not interested in being with her, and sometimes I physically can’t listen to this old man’s verbal cud. There are, of course, things that a blind person cannot do without help, but in fact there are not as many such moments as they usually think.
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Many parents think that it is not at all necessary to burden their children with household responsibilities, because they have plenty of tasks at school and there is no need to take away their child’s childhood. How can children help their parents? Let's consider this topic. Help, of course, should be feasible and age-appropriate.
Children's household chores
By providing all possible assistance according to the Duma, children feel needed and significant in the family, this unites children and parents, and develops a sense of responsibility. Children who have their own household responsibilities do better in school and communicate better with teachers. Children who do not have household chores often become selfish and ordinary consumers; they sit with their hands folded and wait for everything to be brought to them that is ready. They are often very proud and unadapted to living on their own, irresponsible.
Therefore, to avoid problems in the future, try to come up with home activities and responsibilities for your children that they can complete for the benefit of themselves and the family. Sometimes parents may not immediately be able to find activities that the child can do independently; here is a sample list of age-appropriate activities.
For three years: place magazines on the shelf, put napkins and plates on the table, collect crumbs after meals, collect toys and put them in place, undress and dress independently, brush teeth, wash, comb your hair, carry light foods to the place.
For four years: set the table, help put away food (bread), help make purchases in the store. Or feed pets, make and tidy the bed yourself, help in cleaning the dacha, help wash dishes, wipe off dust. Perhaps make your own breakfast from cereal, milk or juice, decorate dessert, be able to share toys, check mail, hang scarves and socks on the dryer, play without supervision at home.
For five years: help in buying and preparing food, pouring water for yourself, setting the table, preparing sandwiches and a simple breakfast. Or be able to pick onions and herbs from the garden, tidy up the room, put away clothes and get dressed yourself, wipe mirrors, clean the sink. Or perhaps sort laundry for washing, feed and clean up after a pet, help take out the trash, help wash a car, pay for small purchases, tie shoelaces.
For six years, first grade level: Dress independently for the weather or for certain occasions, Vacuum carpets, peel vegetables, hang laundry, hang clothes in the closet, prepare simple meals, water flowers, collect firewood for a fire, weed beds, walk pets, be able to give yourself first aid for bruises, set the table, take out the trash.
As you age, make your classes more and more difficult and increase them. This will become a habit, and the child will cope with responsibilities easily and quickly.
Does your teen forget to take out the trash with such regularity that you start to think he's doing it on purpose? Coming from the street, he leaves his shoes right in the middle of the room? Do you make comments to him and try in every possible way to accustom him to order, but nothing helps? Don't worry, you are not alone. Modern children are much less likely to help their parents around the house than children of the previous generation. A recent study found that 82% of parents did some kind of housework during their childhood, but only 28% of them expect their children to do the same. This trend is incomprehensible, because most parents believe that children should help around the house. The same children who performed household chores showed better behavior, school performance, and family cohesion.
The question arises: why do attempts to cooperate cause such resistance in a teenager? Parents are outraged by this because they believe that a child aged 13-14 should clean up after himself. Parents interpret teens' inability to care for themselves as ingratitude. However, even though teenagers already look quite mature, they still want to be taken care of like little children. This only happens at home, which is why teenagers seem so irresponsible, lazy and capricious to their parents. Teenagers also tend to seek sensations because dopamine receptors in their brains are especially active during this period. This is why they like to take risks but don't like to take out the trash.
However, this does not mean that your son or daughter should be relieved of household responsibilities. To avoid arguments with your teen, you should use a different strategy. First, don't take your child's sloppiness and laziness personally. Secondly, although you, of course, do not like the fact that your teenager's room is constantly in disarray, this does not mean that he will grow up to be irresponsible and lazy and will not achieve success in life.
If you accept this position, it will be easier for you to teach your child to do household chores. Your task is not to force him to do housework or even to make him love this work, but to make him understand that help is valuable. It's similar to how you trained him to clean his room when he was little. The only difference is that earlier child willingly obeyed you, and now he will probably ignore your requests. Therefore, you should be smart.
Instead of accusing your teen of being irresponsible or forcing him to help you around the house, explain to him that chores are an opportunity for each family member to take care of the entire family. Your daughter may find washing dishes boring, but it's something she can sacrifice for the sake of her family. Let's look at a few tips that will help establish the principle of “one for all and all for one” in the family.
Explain to your child your expectations of him. Write him a list of things you want him to do. For example:
- wash the dishes;
- wipe the dishes and put them in the kitchen cabinet;
- wash and dry pots;
- wipe the dining table.
Give your teenager a “young fighter course.” To help him perform household chores correctly, allow him to practice doing them over and over again until he learns to do a particular task well. For example, observe how well your child does at setting the table, washing dishes, etc., and then, after a few hours, give him the same task again.
Set a weekly cleaning time. Set aside a time every weekend for everyone in the family to do the cleaning. This may involve cleaning rooms, the yard, or performing some special tasks. Make sure the job can be completed in a few hours. Don't let your child (or spouse) do anything other than clean during this time.
Have a celebration to mark the end of the cleaning. When you have completed all the planned tasks, come up with something fun. For example, you can have a family dinner in a cafe or eat ice cream together.
Should you offer your child a reward for work done? Rewarding homework gives the child a clear and erroneous understanding that without reward there is no point in setting the table, taking out the trash, or making the bed. Rewards turn housework into a commercial transaction and teach the child that the only motivation for doing any chores is financial reward.
The following rules require you to follow the "one reminder" principle:
Create natural consequences. For example, one mother told her children to put their dirty laundry in the hamper before Tuesday because Wednesday was laundry day. Otherwise, they would have to wait a week for the next wash or wash their clothes themselves.
If your child throws things, don't put them away. If your child leaves things in the wrong place, ask him to put the item back, but only once. If he doesn't do this, the next time he asks you to do something (for example, to let him go for a walk), tell him that you will do it when he puts the thing back in its place.
Set consequences. When you give your child consequences for his actions (for example: “If you don’t take out the trash before 10 o’clock, you won’t be able to use the mobile phone"), adhere to the "one reminder" rule. Don't grumble or threaten your child, just take out the trash at 10.01 and take the child's phone. You should have your phone for the rest of the day, as you warned.
Finally, one of the main rules: when teaching a teenager order, use humor. For example, if a child scatters his belongings and clothes around the apartment, you can discreetly hide them in the teenager's school backpack before he goes to school. The teenager will understand what you wanted to tell him by this, but at the same time he will perceive everything as a game, and not as a punishment.
Remember that you can find much more best way communicating with a teenager than arguing about the mess in his room. While teaching him responsibility is necessary, he also needs to talk, laugh with you, and sometimes fool around with you. Very soon the teenager will go to university and leave home. Your apartment will be cleaner than ever before, but you will miss these times.
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