“They carry water on an offended person” - the proverb focuses on the negative attitude of people around them towards a person who is not able to forget grievances, who is always sulking and is constantly dissatisfied with the attitude of his loved one. Indeed, it is quite difficult to communicate with such people. But, you can believe it yourself It is no less difficult for the “offended” to carry a grudge in his soul. Therefore, you need to learn to get rid of such a burden, both for friendly relationships with other people, and for yourself, even in those situations where the grudge is really great. So what does the ability to forgive mean?

What can forgiveness give?

As doctors say, the ability to forgive can even be beneficial for health. In particular, permanent state Resentment contributes to the development of various heart diseases. This is supported by recent research in England, which found that people who are hostile to others are four times more likely to develop heart disease and more than six times more likely to die in at a young age than in balanced individuals.

Also no less important is the ability to forgive in order to preserve a person’s psychological health. As psychologists define, forgiveness is that state of mind that makes the apologizer a free person, and also saves him from the inevitable picking at personal wounds. This good way to break the circle of hatred and fear, the ability to forgive is very important for every person.

What does it mean to be able to forgive? Doctors say that forgiveness is changing a negative attitude towards the person who offended you. Such a change in mood makes it possible to stop the brain’s continuous production of fairly strong hostile impulses that send doses of dangerous hormones - cortisol and adrenaline - into the blood. It is not at all necessary to personally see the person you are going to forgive, just as you do not need repentance or an apology from him. Forgiveness is always within you, so you don't need anyone else to forgive.

Why is it so difficult to forgive someone?

The whole point, initially, is in our own opinion about ourselves - the feeling of ourselves as an independent and independent person who, of course, will never allow herself to be hurt. For this reason, the first reaction that occurs is to offend the person in return. However, after some time, a person begins to react more adequately and objectively to the current situation. It is very difficult for an ordinary person to move from a feeling of revenge to a feeling of sincere forgiveness, since for this it is necessary to develop in one’s soul feelings of empathy or, in other words, the ability to relate thoughts, feelings, and actions to oneself (even if they are, in your opinion, wrong) another person, which is inherently a very difficult task, the same as the ability to forgive.

Empathy cannot arise also because the actions of the person who offended us are altered in our minds, and we perceive him only as a negative person. In addition, we are completely sure that the offender intentionally humiliated or insulted us. Psychologists call such actions “attribution of motives.” At the same time, we can evaluate our mistakes differently, since we know that we were not driven by negative emotions towards to a specific person, and circumstances independent of us, while the misdeeds of other people in our minds always have intentional causes. However, if you look objectively, then both circumstances and personal controlled desires are equally to blame for the actions of each of us.

What do you need to do to forgive the person inside you?

First of all, you need to clearly understand that coming to the forgiveness of another person is not only not easy, but also quite long. The first step is to distance yourself from your own personal experiences that cloud your reason and common sense. Most best option- it’s just to start thinking about something else that is in no way connected with the person who offended us. And this must be done until you clearly understand for yourself that you can sincerely forgive the person.

Professional psychologists advise doing one simple exercise - as soon as you After this, you need to immediately start thinking about something pleasant and positive. As a last resort, you can fill your thoughts with prayer or repeat to yourself nursery rhyme or a simple counting rhyme. However, it is best to come up with some kind of pleasant memory, so that when you start to get angry, you don’t need to frantically remember your life in general, and its positive moments in particular. If you still managed to extinguish in yourself negative emotions, then you can safely congratulate yourself, or even give yourself a small gift for your self-control.

Another option is to try keeping a forgiveness journal throughout your life. People in different times look at the same situation differently, so write down in a journal the thoughts and feelings that you experience every day. Write down there everything that you think can lead you to harmony and restore justice. According to researchers, people who have diaries cope with resentment much easier and come to forgiveness faster.

Over time, the entries in the diaries become less angry, and the main reasons that, in the opinion of offended person, could encourage the offender to act in this way and not otherwise. Memories also help well when the person himself offended someone. How did you feel at that moment, what emotions overwhelmed you? Put yourself in the shoes of the offender, and think about how he feels and whether he wants to change the current situation. Look at situations from a philosophical point of view, and just forgive the offender for his imperfections, since we are all human and can make mistakes for which we are then ashamed. But are there perfect people?

How to revive the ability to forgive in yourself?

It all starts small, so if you want to learn to forgive major grievances, then you need to learn to relate more easily to small imperfections. For example:

  1. Choose people you don't know for your training sessions. If your car was scratched by an inexperienced driver, or you were pushed in line, then try to gather your will into a fist and do your best to suppress the sudden wave of anger.
  2. Try to forgive “in advance.” That is, in the morning, after waking up, tell yourself in the mirror: “Nothing bad happened, but I owe everyone around me for everything good.”
  3. There is no need to try to completely forgive a person in an instant. Try to give him forgiveness for at least one minute a day. Then try to increase this time to two minutes or more. And then see what comes of it
  4. Start by forgiving yourself. As soon as we manage to perceive ourselves objectively, without paying attention to our shortcomings or merits, we become more restrained in relation to the imperfections of other people around us.

It is believed that the main thing in friendship is the ability to forgive. Indeed, this is a very valuable quality. Is it possible to live a full and vibrant life if you keep a lot of big and small grievances in your mind? People don’t even realize how quickly you can get rid of mental wounds. The main thing is to leave the past in the past.

Why do you need to be able to forgive?

The ability to forgive is not only a way to maintain friendship. This ability makes life easier, improves health and improves mood. If you put everything aside beautiful words about human relationships, the purely pragmatic side remains. Thus, many years of observations by psychologists have led to the conclusion that people who harbor grievances are much more likely to feel unwell and encounter diseases than those who act in the diametrically opposite way. Many may be skeptical about this, but there is an explanation for everything.

If you don't have the ability to forgive, you will constantly think about your grievances. As a result, the brain will send additional impulses to the endocrine system aimed at producing stress hormones. This leads to increased blood pressure and increased stress on the muscles. Touchy people often experience back pain and rapid heartbeat. Moreover, stress reduces immunity. Thus, you may be right 1000 times in not wanting to forgive the offender, but you yourself suffer from this.

The ability to forgive not only helps to avoid health problems, but also facilitates the process of communicating with others. Not paying attention to irritants, some people easily make new acquaintances and surround themselves with friends. Psychologists call this an effective behavior model. It involves protecting yourself from unpleasant thoughts and negative emotions.

What is forgiveness?

The ability to forgive is one of the main qualities of true friends and simply wise people. First, it's worth understanding what this means. The point is not to tell the offender that he is forgiven. In this case, responsibility will be removed from him, and you will never get rid of the resentment that oppresses you. It is important to let go of negative thoughts by protecting yourself from negativity.

To begin with, it is worth understanding that what happened is the past, which cannot be changed or erased. Thus, you need to try to change your attitude towards him. You must accept the fact that hatred and revenge are primarily destructive to you. In addition, accomplished revenge sometimes brings not satisfaction, but remorse.

Forgiving a friend does not mean forgetting about his ugly act. This means stopping to think about it, concentrating. To forgive means to put yourself in the shoes of the offender and try to unravel his motivation, which will become a reason for showing compassion. Even if you consider the action unacceptable, forgiveness will help maintain warm human relationships.

Why can't people forgive?

The main problem with the ability to forgive is that people do not want to part with their feelings of resentment. This does not always happen consciously. A person is offended by certain words and actions, igniting a storm of negative emotions in him. This makes him unfree and even unhealthy. To break this vicious circle, it is important to take time to comprehend the situation, “disassembling” it in detail. In addition, a person is characterized by such a feeling as pride. But are you so sinless? Perhaps, having discovered the vices of other people in yourself, it will be easier for you to forget the grievances.

The main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive

Friendship is perhaps one of the most beautiful and pure manifestations of human relationships. Nevertheless, even among the most loyal comrades, disagreements arise. Thus, the main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive. This is important in the following aspects:

  • the opportunity to maintain, if not good, then at least peaceful relations with the offender;
  • maintaining health by protecting yourself from negative emotions;
  • self-improvement through self-control;
  • a self-defense mechanism that makes a person less vulnerable to the blows of fate.

Forgive and maintain friendship

The ability to forgive insults is required quality which helps maintain good relationships with people. A quarrel is not always the end of a friendship. It is worth saving if:

  • The person offended you while in a difficult situation. It is quite possible that he did this out of emotion, not wanting to harm you at all.
  • This behavior is unusual for humans. You can’t tear it apart because of a momentary cloudiness. strong relationships, which have been built for more than one year.
  • Your friend did not offend you out of malice. It is possible that a person said or did something inappropriate without thinking. Think about it, maybe he didn’t have any bad intentions.

Forgive and let go

The ability to forgive is a characteristic of strong people. But this does not always mean maintaining the same friendships. In some cases, it is better not just to forgive, but to let the person go:

  • A person is constantly trying to humiliate you in order to look better compared to you. Even if you are generous and forgive him, your relationship will most likely continue as before. It's better to let such a friend go.
  • The man committed treason. For example, you told someone your secret or set someone up at work. Having decided on this, he hardly thought about your friendship. Of course, you shouldn’t harbor a grudge, but it’s also better not to maintain close relationships.
  • The person is pursuing material gain by communicating with you. Having unraveled such a catch, you will understand that friendship is not worth maintaining.
  • The person has forgotten about you and does not contact you. Of course, this is a shame, but even the closest friends cannot always be together, because everyone has their own life. In addition, this can be a test of strength.
  • If your friend did something bad to you out of fear of incurring losses or ruining relationships with some people important to him, let him go. It’s not a fact that he won’t do the same next time.

How to learn to forgive?

Is it important to forgive in friendships? Undoubtedly. Even between the closest people, disagreements and misunderstandings can arise. Imagine that you have broken off all relations with a friend, harbored a grudge against him, and made new acquaintances. But will the next relationship be perfect? Hardly. Most likely, they will be accompanied by the same disagreements and quarrels. Thus, grievances will accumulate, destroying you from the inside. To avoid this, learn to forgive:

  • come to the realization that grievances are bothering you and that you want to get rid of them;
  • try not to see the offender for some time, so as not to fuel your anger;
  • if you do not know exactly the motives for an action, do not try to fantasize about it;
  • if the offender tries to contact you to explain himself, give him this opportunity;
  • make a list of your shortcomings - it is quite possible that you have the same sins as your offender, and by forgiving him, you will forgive yourself.

Positive motivation

In friendship, the ability to forgive is very important. The arguments in favor of this statement are as follows:

  • having freed yourself from grievances, you will become an independent and invulnerable person;
  • you will be able to recharge yourself with positive energy, conveying a joyful mood to others;
  • It will be easier for you to communicate with current friends and build relationships with new ones;
  • the veil that previously prevented you from adequately assessing the situation and people will fall from your eyes;
  • you will learn to benefit from communication with friends, ignoring negative messages;
  • you will be interesting to others, because people are always drawn to the strong, wise and independent;
  • you will get a chance to become successful person, because negative thoughts will stop weighing you down and pulling you down.

Negative motivation

The ability to understand and forgive is not inherent in everyone. Even understanding everything positive results such an act, people cannot let go of their grievances. Then negative motivation comes to the rescue. So, if you continue to accumulate grievances, the following will happen:

  • the resentment that you have not forgiven begins to grow over time, causing you to suffer;
  • if you cannot cope with one grievance, you will not cope with others, and, as practice shows, there are more and more of them every year;
  • due to strong emotional stress, you can lead yourself to nervous exhaustion or serious illness;
  • inability to forgive means constant conflicts, which threatens not only communication with friends, but also family life;
  • resentment prevents you from enjoying life;
  • the desire for revenge can push you to rash actions that you will regret.

Can't think? Write!

Losing friends is always unpleasant and sad, especially if these people are very close and dear to you. But it is impossible to continue friendly relations if you are eaten up from the inside by a feeling of resentment. To eradicate it, you need to take time for introspection. But not all people are given the opportunity to immerse themselves in themselves, deeply rethinking what is happening. If you consider yourself to be in this category, express all your experiences in writing.

Imagine that you have to write a report in which you must prove to the reader (in this case, yourself) that your grievance is indeed justified. Give answers to the following questions:

  • What exactly are you offended by?
  • What detail caught your eye the most?
  • Do you have the same negative qualities in yourself?

Oddly enough, many people “cut off” at this point. By bringing oneself to frankness, a person begins to understand that there are no significant reasons for being offended, and if they do exist, you must determine the reasons that led to the conflict situation. Perhaps you created it yourself. Or maybe this is some kind of sign of fate.

And, of course, don’t forget to develop an “anti-crisis plan”:

  • How will you handle such situations from now on?
  • What positive experiences can you draw from?
  • How will you maintain your relationship with the offender?

Build strong friendship difficult, but it can be destroyed with one carelessly spoken word. And the offender is not always to blame for the breakdown of relationships. Sometimes failure to forgive causes more harm. If you want to get rid of this negative trait, take on board a few more useful tips:

  • Don't view forgiveness as a sign of weakness. This ability is inherent only to wise and strong people.
  • Take quarrels and insults as a lesson in fate. After analyzing the situation, you will probably find some meaning in it, the awareness of which will protect you from serious mistakes in the future.
  • Resentment is inaction. And you must constantly develop and work on yourself. In addition, if you see in yourself the strength and wisdom to adequately teach a person a lesson (not to be confused with revenge), you will also direct him to the right path.
  • Look at everything with a sense of humor. If in the current situation you find the slightest reason to laugh, then everything is not so bad.

The ability to forgive: examples from life

There are no ideal relationships between people. Even the most devoted friends sometimes quarrel. If you have not yet understood the role of forgiveness, examples from real life will help you with this.

Imagine a situation where school friends quarreled. The inability or unwillingness to forgive led to the fact that each of them lost loved one with whom you can share both joys and troubles. When the offender had a misfortune, the second, despite his emotional impulses, driven by the desire for revenge, did not come to his aid. As a result, the oppressive resentment gave way to pangs of conscience, and it is much more terrible to fight them.

The second example can be given from the plane family life, which also often begins with friendship. So, after much thought, the wife forgave her unfaithful husband. As a result, they lived a long and happy life together, raising wonderful children. Imagine what would happen if the wife followed the principle? At best, they would be able to build new families. But the feeling of resentment would eat them up all their lives.

Conclusion

Sometimes the closest friends become blood enemies. But is there always a good reason for this? The inability to forgive is one of the biggest vices that needs to be fought. Before you break friendly relations, think about whether the offense outweighs all the positive moments that you had to experience together?

The ability to forgive is one of the most important skills in a person’s life. We must try to release the grievances that have accumulated in the soul and, with the help of this, cleanse the soul of disappointment and mental grief. Although the need for this action seems obvious, not all people know how to forgive an offense and let it go.

And that is why they make a huge number of mistakes in their lives. They accumulate resentment in their souls often because they are psychologically unable to forgive it. As a result, this inability often results in illness, both mental and physical.

Diseases caused by stress

At the moment when the body encounters a threat, which is clearly the inability to forgive, it produces hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. They are also called “stress hormones”. A person who experiences stress quite rarely will not be harmed by excessive release of the above hormones in his body. However, if anxiety takes great place in your life, then you cannot protect yourself from the dark consequences. These could be:

  • Vascular heart diseases
  • Sleep disturbance
  • Various inflammations
  • Depression and tension
  • Obesity and diabetes
  • Breathing problems
  • Headache and muscle tension X

And this is just a small list of the dangers of stress for a person. Scientists have proven that one of the causes of almost all diseases is stress. How to save your body from such unpleasant consequences? It is important to learn how to forgive an offense and, most importantly, how to forgive the person who brought this offense. You can read the articles: “” and “”.

What does it mean to be able to forgive

There is an opinion that to forgive a person is to justify him in your own eyes and in the eyes of the people around you. As if a simple and already trivial word “sorry” can seal, like a band-aid, the still-unhealed wound of the person that you offended.

By accepting this point of view, we automatically include ourselves in the list of those people whom we can insult with impunity, without thinking at all that we may not forgive. “I’ll just say one word, completely unrepentant of my action, and he’ll calmly forgive me,” this is what people usually think when such “humble” individuals calmly allow themselves to be insulted. However, patience with humiliation is far from forgiveness.

By forgiving a person, you change your attitude towards him and the situation that happened. You cease to be connected with him, as if you let him go from yourself. You still realize that he is wrong, but realizing that he will not treat you better than now, you forgive him your offense, parting with him forever. However, if you see that a person was able to realize his mistakes and take a step towards change, then you should definitely give him a second chance. Although it’s still not worth leading into a trend. If a person cannot change and stop offending you, then you should break up with him forever.

The ability to forgive protects you from offenders, liars, and traitors. This is a real shield that stands in front of your soul, preventing you from taking all the evil around you to heart. It is very important to learn to forgive in order to protect yourself from these external mental influences.

Why do we get offended

Most often we are offended by the harm that has been done to us. Moreover, it does not matter whether this happened by accident or intentionally, the very instinct of self-preservation does not allow you to think in the first minutes of resentment about why this happened. Also, the echo of resentment in our heart can cause a discrepancy between our interests or certain aspects of life with our opponent. For example, animal activists always react aggressively when people disagree with their opinions. Scientists are convinced that ten differences in worldview are enough to cause resentment. Also, the cause of resentment may be disappointment in a person and your unjustified expectations, which is especially typical for girls.

People who do not know how to forgive grievances and let go of the past respond differently to grief. Some begin to prepare an insidious and cunning plan for revenge in their heads, others bury themselves inside themselves and try to bury their grief under a layer of self-flagellation, and some become completely disappointed in people.

It takes a lot of energy for any person to cope with both fair and not so fair grievances. Obviously, this only prevents you from living peacefully in a society of ambitious people, achieving what you want with all your might and moving towards your goal, overcoming all the obstacles that arise along the way. Knowing how to forgive a person will definitely help anyone become happier, calmer.

Forgive yourself first

The first step in understanding how to forgive another person's offense is understanding how to forgive yourself. After all, only by becoming kinder and fairer to yourself, can you become kinder and fairer to people. All evil in people's actions comes from a soul filled with uncertainty, fear and pain. “These people could not forgive themselves and that is why they are so evil,” this is what should arise in the head of every person who has experienced an offense and is trying to forgive this offense.

What sins do you need to forgive yourself for? First of all, because you were too strict and harsh on yourself. You didn't love your being and were too picky about everything you did. But that’s not possible! You deserve better! Start to forgive yourself and find a new path in this life of eternal evil.

Sit down and think about whether you did everything as needed for your soul? Have you often praised yourself for your achievements, admired the aesthetics of your mind and inner world, taken care of and cherished yourself? Learn to value yourself! If you are not better than someone according to certain criteria, this does not mean that you do not need to love yourself. No one can be absolutely perfect, and you are no exception to this eternal rule. Every person is unique! Forgiving yourself means learning to love yourself and be sure to accept yourself as you are without self-flagellation and destruction of the soul.

God loves you this way, with all your shortcomings and flaws, because inner spiritual beauty is much more important than outer beauty. Because the spirit is higher and more significant than all imperfections. Learn from your mistakes, but under no circumstances punish yourself for them, either physically or mentally. After all negative result– this is not a mistake, but an experience that will definitely be useful in life to achieve your goals!

And most importantly: never feel sorry for yourself. Questions like “Why me?”, “Why is this happening to me?”, “For what offenses is God punishing me?” only distance you from understanding how to forgive an offense. These questions are pointless and destructive. Don't let them occupy your head and soul. You need to remember that no one is going to punish you. Heaven with all its being wants you to be only happy, and God brings you to this, giving only those trials that you are able to survive.

How to learn to forgive grievances

Sometimes a person may not even suspect that his words can hurt. What seems completely stupid and trivial to one person, which cannot be taken as an offense, may turn out to be absolutely disgusting to another. At least remember yourself. Has it ever happened to you that you were just making fun of a person in a kind way, but he was very offended and did not talk to you for weeks after that? Most likely it happened.

We often think that the person who offended us planned it for a long time and carefully, only looking for the moment to strike. Of course this is not true. Most of these situations are just an accident, just a carelessly spoken word that, alas, cannot be returned back. Therefore, first of all, you should always analyze the situation and put yourself in the place of this person. Was it something special for you if you were in his body? Would you give this word that meaning? No? So why do you think that he calculates his every step and action? You always need, as they say, to try on someone else's skin, so as not to suddenly accuse a person of something that he did not even notice.

There are many simple and not so simple techniques for understanding how to forgive a person. Basically, they are all built in such a way as to avoid the typical algorithm for reacting to negative events (denial, rejection and depression, acceptance) and speed up the process of understanding how to forgive an offense. Let's try to analyze one of them.

  • Firstly, you need to clearly understand the feeling of resentment, feel it and understand that this is exactly what it is. Say in your head, “I, so-and-so, was offended by so-and-so because...”. The reasons for the resentment in your head may not seem as serious as you thought before. This will be the first step towards forgiving the other person.
  • Try to talk to your offender. Most likely, he did not want to offend you, but simply acted in his own way. A misunderstanding has arisen between you, which must be resolved through dialogue.
  • There are situations when it is not always possible to organize a conversation with your offender. In this case, you can try to put yourself in his place, analyze the current situation, and understand the motivation of the offended person yourself. Most likely, you can remember at least one time in your life when you acted exactly the same way as he does now. Of course, there is no need to justify a person if he did absolutely wrong, but trying to understand him is a must.
  • After going through all the above stages, you need to determine for yourself whether this person is really wrong, or whether the offense arose only as a result of your own selfishness. Perhaps the situation that occurred could not have happened otherwise, and your offender only acted as he should have done.
  • Now you can try to finally determine how to forgive an offense precisely in the circumstances that happened to you.

The technique of understanding a specific situation often helps in the final understanding of how to forgive a person.

How to forgive a loved one

We experience great mental pain when we are offended by acquaintances or friends with whom we have a warm relationship, but it cannot be compared with that which arises when there is a misunderstanding among loved ones.

It would seem that you have known each other for so long and can no longer be offended, but from realizing this the pain of mental resentment becomes even stronger than before.

Forgiveness of grievances against those who are not so dear to us can be achieved and let go of ourselves without worrying too much, forgetting them forever. And it is more difficult to get rid of grievances against people close to your heart, but it is necessary to forgive them, because in no case should you part with your loved ones because of a stupid misunderstanding.

Most often, a simple conversation helps in such situations. You just need to sit next to each other and have a heart-to-heart talk, try to understand each other, so as not to allow such sad moments in your life in the future. “All our happiness is still ahead of us, and we walk and sulk at each other like little children, but I love you,” this phrase will be enough to break the already frozen ice in your relationship. The most important thing is that they are not afraid to start such a conversation. Be sure that your partner will not refuse to make peace, and feel free to begin this process.

Forgiving a loved one who offended you because of some stupidity is quite simple, just by trying to talk, but what to do if you are faced with an evil betrayal? In this case, we have some tips.

  • First of all, you need to calm down and try to understand the situation, find out why your loved one did this to you.
  • You should take a break from work. Go on vacation for two weeks or at least get together and have a loud evening with friends.
  • You can't sit at home! Go to the cinema, clubs, go for walks fresh air. Go where there are a lot of new people, and life is in full swing.
  • Write down all the shortcomings on a piece of paper ex-love, mentally say goodbye to her forever, and then burn this piece of paper. This technique often helps people who like to romanticize any situations around them.

With the help of the above tips, you can forget about betrayal at least for a while. loved one, whom you loved so much that just the thought of parting brought you enormous mental suffering.

Now, after reading our article, you have a general understanding of how to forgive offenses, let a person go from your life and forget him forever. This skill does not come instantly; it must be developed with all our might in order to calmly deal with betrayal, disappointment, and emotional grief in the future, which will so often take place in our lives. And with development comes freedom.

Relationships between people develop differently. We do different things: good and bad. We help each other in business, fulfill wishes, fulfill requests. But it happens that we lie, we cannot do what we promised, we act contrary, we quarrel. We often offend our loved ones, in the heat of the moment we say things we don’t mean at all. We hurt a person and offend him, perhaps without noticing it. If he is dear to us, we need to try to make amends and apologize.

Which of us has not been offended? Who hasn't offended himself? There are simply no such people. What distinguishes us from each other is the ability or inability to forgive. “They carry water on the offended” - this proverb shows negative attitude to a person who is unable to forget grievances. And it’s hard for the offended person to carry his resentment within himself. Therefore, it is worth learning to forgive people.

All people are different, with different characters and temperaments. Everyone is offended, forgives and knows how to ask for forgiveness in their own way. Vulnerable, sensitive people get offended quickly. They take even little things that are not worth attention, jokes seriously. But just as quickly, they are able to understand and forgive the offender, because they have a hard time withstanding negative emotions. It is difficult to offend people who are cold, dry, and stingy with emotions. On the one hand, this is good: they are protected from unnecessary worries. On the other hand, such people themselves can greatly offend.

The ability to ask for forgiveness and forgive is a sign strong personality. After all, this is overcoming your anger and admitting your own mistakes.

It is necessary to forgive grievances. When we are offended, our mood is spoiled, there is no smile on our face, and our tone is reduced. And in a depressed state, we ourselves can cause pain. “Sorry...” Sometimes this word can calm down the most intense conflicts. It can penetrate to the very depths of our soul if it is said with sincerity. “Forgive”... Having said this word, we seem to be freed from the shackles that were so painful. From this word all the storms in our soul subside, the blizzards freeze. And the heart seems to come to life from everyday life and sadness.

How to learn to forgive? You need to imagine yourself at least for a minute in the place of the offender. It’s hard, unpleasant and insulting for him that they don’t accept his apology. In addition, we must not forget that we have offended someone more than once and felt anxiety and guilt. You need to forgive forever and from the heart. If this is not so, then there was no forgiveness. If you remember the offense, it means you have not forgiven. If you forgive, you shouldn’t take credit for it. You just have to forget.

IN fiction There are many examples where the theme of forgiveness is heard. For example, in Tolstoy's epic novel War and Peace. Bolkonsky falls madly in love with Natasha Rostova, but something tells him that their happiness is impossible. Natasha also loves Bolkonsky, although he seems dry, disappointed, and lonely to her, while she herself is an energetic, young, cheerful girl. Natasha does not understand why the prince postponed their wedding until whole year. With this delay he provoked her betrayal. Pride does not allow Andrey to forgive Natasha or understand her. In a conversation with Pierre, Bolkonsky said: “I said that a fallen woman must be forgiven, but I did not say that I can forgive, I cannot.” A cruel egoist appears before us. Bolkonsky forces himself to forget about Natasha.

The theme of forgiveness is reflected differently in the novel “A Hero of Our Time” by Lermontov. Faith plays a big role in revealing Pechorin's character. Faith - the only person, who fully understood the essence of Pechorin, loving him with all his advantages and disadvantages. Pechorin himself could not help but appreciate this insight and fidelity to feeling: “She is the only woman in the world whom I would not be able to deceive,” and only she alone evokes real and sincere feelings, albeit fleeting. Vera's feelings are so strong that she forgives all the suffering brought to her by Pechorin, continuing to love him, knowing that they will never be together. In the image of Vera we see humility, sacrifice, she does not have a pronounced sense of self-esteem, she again confesses her love to Pechorin after he has already left her once. The author needed all this to show the hero’s egoism, his attitude towards others, the fear of losing freedom - the main thing, in his opinion, in life.

It seems to me that everyone needs to forgive everything, even the betrayal of a friend. Resentment and revenge destroy us. They can be convincing today and destructive tomorrow. Or rather, they are always like this. They bring only momentary pleasure. We have no right to judge. Let life decide everything. There is no point in keeping heavy thoughts in your heart. Only bright, noble feelings should settle there. Forgiveness is generosity. Let's be generous and maybe the world will become a kinder place!

Forgiveness is a quality of strong-willed people. Not everyone can forget grievances, step over their pride, or understand a person. Resentment destroys human relationships and even destroys them. By accumulating grievances, a person destroys himself, his moral qualities, and becomes vindictive. Then plans for revenge appear, the individual thirsts for retribution. A person does not notice how he is losing the best moral qualities in his soul. To forgive means to understand the motives of the person who did wrong or made a mistake. Any person is an imperfect or absolutely sinless being, so you need to find the strength to forget all the grievances.

The ability to forgive is one of the most revered qualities in literature. F.M. Dostoevsky, in his novel Crime and Punishment, closely connected this burning topic with religion. According to the author, the most important forgiveness is the forgiveness of God; first of all, you need to repent before him in order to earn it from ordinary people.

It seems impossible for Raskolnikov to forgive himself for such a cruel crime, although the realization of this does not come to him immediately. Only at the end of the novel and under the influence of Sonechka does he repent of his crime and bear the punishment. However, Dostoevsky left the question of forgiving oneself open.

It seems to me that it is easier to forgive other people because a person usually places stricter demands on himself. But living and hating yourself is very difficult, it destroys your personality and makes you very unsettled. This is how a person gets lost in life and dies spiritually.

On the other hand, this is the person who knows how to forgive. She fell in love and forgave him for his inhuman crime. The girl does not hold a grudge against her father, because of whom she had to humiliate herself and sell herself. Both Sonechka and Raskolnikov became deeply religious people and found the path to salvation.

In the epic “War and Peace” L.N. For Tolstoy, forgiveness is closely connected with love and warm relationships. , who was ready to run away with Kuragin, destroyed the honor of her family. But her parents understood her and forgave her for this unwise act, citing the girl’s inexperience. They never reproached her for what she had done. This is real forgiveness.

Forgiving is a talent. Resentment, anger and hatred cause a lot of trouble to those who have made a mistake and to those who do not know how to forgive. People tend to make mistakes and do wrong things due to inexperience or stupidity, so it’s worth at least trying not to remember the unpleasant incident.